I Am Poly
Last night, as I was finishing preparations for today and getting ready to crawl into bed, I noticed that I had a new message request on Facebook. I’m sure that at some point in our Facebook careers, we all experience that moment of dread when you see a message request and you think, “Oh boy, what could it possibly be this time?” Surely, I’m not the only one that gets the weirdest messages from strangers. Last night, it was just a random link, nothing else. There was no explanation offered, so, naturally, my oh so internet savvy self was immediately on high alert.
It was a message from someone that I was in a poly Facebook group with who was looking for members for their BDSM Facebook group. The conversation that followed made me feel some kind of way. They claimed to be polyamorous, but then proceeded to lump poly people in with various swingers and fetish groups. I guess it was that, more than anything, that sparked this blog post.
Polyamory is not a fetish. I will repeat it one more time for those in the back: Polyamory is NOT a fetish. Polyamory is as much a part of my identity as is the color of my eyes, or the sound of my laugh. It IS me. I AM poly. Poly people are not swingers. We aren’t people that are just looking for an excuse to have sex with anyone and everyone. At its core, polyamory is all about respect, honesty, and open communication. It’s about love and trust.
When I met my current partner, I had no idea that he was polyamorous. Hell, I didn’t even know what that meant really. We had an almost instantaneous connection, the likes of which I had never seen nor had before. He never hid it from me- he had told me that he was poly from the beginning. I met his girlfriend on several occasions. It definitely took some getting used to. Like most people, I was brought up in a mono-dominated world. Letting go of all of my preconceived notions of what a relationship was “supposed” to be was somewhat of a challenge. Luckily, I had someone who was very supportive, patient, and understanding.
The deciding factor for me- the moment when I knew that this WAS something that I wanted and could do- was the moment that I truly realized how happy we both made him. Why wouldn’t you want your lover to be happy? I was ecstatic to see him light up when she and I connected as friends. To me, that is what it’s all about. That’s what LIFE is all about. The ability to cast aside your own doubts and insecurities in order to just live your life the way that everyone should be- promoting love and happiness.
Humans spend so much time searching for love. We are geared to make emotional connections with people. In fact, we thrive on such connections. I have always believed that we have more than one “soul mate” in our lives. That is what polyamory is all about- finding those people that you connect with on a deeper level, and building on that, whether they be romantic partners or simply platonic friends. Our connections and relationships with people are what help shape us into better people. So, why would we want to limit that to only developing a deep and meaningful relationship with one person for the rest of our lives? Love was meant to be shared. Love multiplies.
Polyamory is as natural to me as breathing. It just makes sense that it’s okay to love as often and as hard as you can. It just feels right. True happiness is a strange concept to me. I had always just kind of felt like things were out of place until I met my partner and found polyamory. I wasn’t used to this feeling of truly belonging. I finally feel as if I am on the right track and can finally be myself. And that is a wonderful feeling.