#human connections

[morphine-king]

xxxHolic (2022) – Mika Ninagawa

[thoughtsfromtheoutpost]

Growing older is weird because nobody warns you that one day you'll get excited about a good night's sleep and spend five minutes making a noise every time you stand up 😅

When I was younger, I thought growing up meant eventually having everything figured out. Turns out, most people are just doing their best with the information they have and adapting as life changes.

One thing military life taught me is that you don't get through tough days alone. The people beside you matter. Teamwork, service, and looking out for each other become even more important as the years go by. Life keeps changing the mission, and adaptability becomes one of the most useful skills you can have.

The older I get, the more I appreciate ordinary moments: checking on a friend, sharing a laugh, helping someone carry a burden they don't talk about much. Those things seem small until you realize they're often what people remember most.

Maybe growing older isn't about becoming someone completely different. Maybe it's about becoming more comfortable being yourself.

[furiousgoldfish]

Damn i was not expecting the "#tw extreme abuse", thank you very much for your words though

I might be able to help the person who asked about healthy relationships though, ive made a lot of good relationships despite my family:

Communication

•above all else, communicate. Tell them about yourself. Learn about them. Get to know eachother! Likes, dislikes. Boundaries especially! Check in on them. Just a quick hi once in a while can do wonders (lots of relationships fail due to lack of communication or miscommunication)

•listen to eachother

Arguements

•if something happens you can always walk away, make sure the other person understands that they can as well. Take time to collect yourselves and explain later why your upset

•be clear and ask for clarification where you need it

•fights can be scary but dont think that someone will leave you after one

•try to steer clear of insults/threats/blackmail if your angry, thats hard to repair after

Trust

•i know its hard to trust and you can take all the time you need to learn how, but making healthy relationships is a good way to learn trust.

•Dont lie to them or you will get caught up in trying to keep it under wraps (unless its to protect your safety, in that case maybe being around this person is not a good idea), not only will they not trust you but you wont give yourself the opportunity to trust them

Kindness

•be nice. Its simple. Good people, the people that will make for great friends/support/family will be kind back! Go out and meet people! Youll make friends! Just give yourself a chance!

•treat other how you deserve to be treated, with all the love and kindess you should have gotten! They will pay it back, they will love you!

Other notes

•express interest in their interests. You dont have to be a big fan, people will want to show you what they like when they like you. They're sharing something special to them. So ask about it! You dont have to engage much with it, but show them their interests have value. It will make them really happy, and they should be open to yours as well.

•do fun shit together! Something you both enjoy! If there isnt anything that overlaps you can do your own stuff in eachothers company. Just hanging out with them is enough.

•being able to love someone else, is to love yourself. You're filled with so much compassion and care for this person, and they will feel the same. They will be their to love you when life hits the fan.

•again take your time, it can be hard to get right. If it doesn't work out thats an experience you can carry into the next relationship, something to learn from.

Caution:

-make sure they actually make you happy and treat you well, not that theyre just the first person you could latch onto

-make sure you both have personal freedoms, your loyalty to eachother should not come at that cost

-keep yourself safe, safety comes first

Finding good people is a very important one as well, if anyone needs i could try explaining that too. Hope this helps.

Hey thank you for sending this manual!

Yeah your situation is extreme, I'm thinking about you and hoping that you get to experience freedom.

Your manual sounds really nice and is filled with common sense, and I've been following these types of guidelines for most of my life, but still had absolutely no luck. The thing is, this would work if you're surrounded with kind, understanding, non-abusive, friendly people who also just wanted to be friends with you and reciprocate and earn your trust and keep you in your life.

However a lot of people will see your friendly, kind, compassionate and communicative nature and decide to make use of it. It's been the hardest thing for me to realize when the other person is just pretending to be friendly back, in order to exploit me. It's really difficult to take distance from someone when they make you feel guilty for it and attack you for it, and it's hard to not feel guilty and betrayed when it happens. Manipulative people make great use of trust and communication you give them! Treating them with love and kindness will often get you in a situation where love and kindness will be expected, or demanded out of you, while you find yourself unable to ask even for some patience and space for yourself. And I'm worried that this is the situation for most abused people, we're often trying so hard to be kind, communicative, trusting, interested, loyal, patient, giving, caring, compassionate, and they zero in on that and eat it up, taking some time to make us let our guard down, before they start banking on us being in their service.

I have been trying to find good people all of my life, and fell unsuccessful, and I've tried hundreds of people, created a system of red flags that make me drop them, and had to drop pretty much everyone. And it's not as if this manual is generally bad, or I've just sucked so much at communicating and building boundaries, it's just, really difficult after abuse to feel okay around people, and to not be bothered by some of their manipulative nature - it hurts us more than it hurts others.

So even as I'm really bad with people, I can't recommend being very kind, trusting or communicative, of course it's nice if you can be that and not get hurt for it, but I absolutely cannot. It never happened once in my life, that someone returned the same kindness, love and care I gave them, and it often broke my heart. I would have to be very naive to still believe that I just haven't done it for the right person - hundreds of people reacted similarly, took what they could, then either turned on me, hurt me and pretended it was okay and I should stop being sensitive, or abandoned me altogether if I ever stood up to them.

This all is not your fault, and I can completely understand how you sent in these instructions with best of intentions, sincerely believing that this is the key to healthy relationships. It seemed like that to me too, when I was younger! I fully believed this would work, kind people would see me and return the kindness, it would be okay. The only thing I can recommend is the stuff you have under caution - if someone fails to reciprocate, or reciprocates at first and then stops reciprocating, get distance. If your freedom around this person is limited, get away, get distance. If they start treating you worse at any point, get distance. It's not worth ending up in another abusive, neglected or scary situation just for the hope of human connection. And it's also really difficult for an abused person tell when they're being neglected, treated badly or their kindness is not reciprocated, just because we've already been used to so much worse, so anyone not outright threatening to kill us seems like a nice enough person who deserves our whole heart. They often do not.

[random-bookquotes]

“Take a long look around the world and expand your horizons,” she’d said. “And grow stronger, too, however long it takes. You will find the happiness you deserve, but you mustn’t hurry. Haste may take you in the wrong direction. Human connections can’t be rushed. The world is full of people with different views—take your time learning about them all. And always believe in your own strength, young one.”

Honobonoru500, The Weakest Tamer Began a Journey to Pick Up Trash (Light Novel) Vol. 1

[elizevanniekerk]

The Subtle Art of Finding Joy in the Mundane

In the dizzying whirlwind of our modern lives, with its notifications, deadlines, and endless to-do lists, it's easy to overlook the little things. Our quest for big achievements, exotic vacations, and grand celebrations often overshadows the understated moments that make up our daily lives. Yet, there's a profound beauty and solace in the mundane, waiting to be discovered.

The Magic of Morning Rituals

Consider the simple act of brewing your morning coffee or tea. The aromatic scent that wafts through your kitchen, the warmth of the mug against your palms, and that first invigorating sip – it's a ritual that beckons a new day, filled with possibilities. It's not just about the caffeine kick, but the quiet moments we grant ourselves before the day's chaos ensues.

Nature's Everyday Theater

Look out of your window. Even if you're in the heart of a bustling city, nature is putting on a daily show. The radiant hues of a sunrise, the gentle rustle of leaves in the breeze, or even the rhythmic patter of rain against the windowpane. These are nature's gentle reminders of its cyclic rhythm, urging us to pause and sync our own rhythms with the world around us.

The Joy of Daily Tasks

Believe it or not, there's a meditative quality in mundane chores. The rhythmic act of washing dishes, the soft hum of a vacuum cleaner, or the therapeutic act of decluttering can be grounding experiences. They tether us to the present moment, offering a break from the incessant noise in our heads.

Conversations and Connections

Everyday joy is also about connections. A brief chat with a neighbor, a spontaneous phone call to a friend, or even the simple act of greeting your local grocery store cashier can forge bonds. It's in these fleeting interactions that we find a shared human experience.

Rediscovering Your Space

Sometimes, joy is about rediscovery. Re-read a favorite book, revisit old photographs, or rearrange your furniture. Familiar spaces and objects can offer new perspectives and insights when looked at with fresh eyes.

Wrapping Up

The art of finding joy in the mundane is essentially about shifting our perspective. It's about appreciating life's quiet moments and finding depth in simplicity. It's recognizing that while milestones and grand celebrations are significant, there's immeasurable joy to be found in the spaces in between.

In the words of novelist Alice Walker, "Expect nothing. Live frugally on surprise." Life's everyday surprises, no matter how small, are the threads that weave the beautiful tapestry of our existence. So, let's cherish them.

[putoutallthestars]

Of all the enigma's on earth, this is the one that keeps awake at night: is grief a reckless friend or a soothing foe? 🌚 🌝

Summer 1993 (2017), directed by Carla Simón

[inconveniently-discorporated]

There's really nothing like finding a piece of creativity made by another human being that just unlocks that piece of your soul that feels like it's just been waiting, like something inside of you takes in a deep breath and sighs with a cavernously grumbling roar, "Finally, we're home."

Like an ancient spirit trapped for thousands of years, being unleashed only at this moment. You know you've found your thing.

You may not have ever known it was there until just then, but when that moment arrives there's a peace and serenity you never knew before and cannot comprehend how you ever lived life without it.