#pomosexuality

[stuffofdashie]

𝓟𝓸𝓶𝓸𝓼𝓮𝔁𝓾𝓪𝓵 𝓯𝓵𝓪𝓰

The definition of pomosexual is of or relates to a person who does not want their sexuality to be placed in a conventional category such as gay, lesbian, bisexual or asexual.

It arose within the homosexual community against coined stereotypes and is confused by some as a synonym for bisexual, but more than that it refers to a person who does not identify with any one sexual orientation: he or she enjoys all of them.

[iconicsapphics]

Hi - I've been questioning for a while, and before this I thought I figured myself out. I thought that my fantasizing about girls was because I wanted to BE like them, not that I liked them. And because now, I feel like I can't tell a difference, I'm starting to doubt myself. Literally it could go in any direction. Am I Bi, Straight, something else? I've also found a label called 'Pomosexual', and I kinda like it; it makes me feel free. But people don't think it's genuine. Who am I?

First things first: Questioning is hard for most people. You’re not alone. 

Everyone I’ve ever met who’s had a questioning phase like yours has ended up being lgbt. Even people I’ve known who questioned and then ID’d as straight ended up realizing they were gay or bi. So I’d say there’s a pretty high chance of you being lgbt. 

I googled “pomosexual” and it’s defined as “rejecting, avoiding, or not fitting in any sexual orientation label, such as heterosexual, homosexual, asexual, pansexual, or bisexual.” Some sites say that it’s a label that allows anyone to use any label and forget that words have meanings. 

I assume you’re talking about the first definition. I’m going to talk about the second definition first, though, because it’s easier: Words do mean things. Yes, everything is a social construct, but social constructs affect people’s lives in very real ways, and trying to ignore that only hurts them more. 

Now to the first definition: I see its appeal. During my own questioning process, if I’d found a term like this, it definitely would have been lovely and appealing. Questioning is so damn hard, and a word like “pomosexual” lets you relax–like you said, feel free. 

Honestly, this is also a common experience. Questioning, realizing you might not be straight, realizing that you don’t know yourself as well as you thought you did, can be soul-wrenching at worst, confusing and conflicting at best. Words like “pomosexual” let you ignore the difficult swirl of emotions and, in many cases, just ignore your gayness and cling to your old sense of “normalcy” for a little while longer. 

My advice is to be gentle with yourself. You turning to “pomosexual” as a label makes me wonder if you’re putting too much stress on yourself to find a place to fit in the lgbtq community. There’s no shame in being gentle with yourself, or saying “I feel like I might be gay or bi, but I am not in a place right now where questioning is good for me, so I’m just going to go without a label and see how life goes.” 

There’s also no harm in going without a label! There’s nothing wrong with saying “I don’t know who I like, so I’m just going to accept myself and I don’t need a word right  now.” That’s effectively what pomosexuality is, I know, but the difference is that going without a label is more of a pause in the journey, whereas “pomosexual” is ending your journey in a place that most likely isn’t the best place for you to be. 

I know that labels like “pomosexual” are super, super appealing. I’ve used labels like that in the past, and so have many of my friends and other people on tumblr. However, every single person I’ve ever spoken to who’s used a label like “pomosexual” has ended up regretting it and has said that it made their questioning journey two or three times as long. 

I can’t tell you who you are or who to be. I can’t tell you not to use “pomosexual”, because that’s up to you. However, I can let you know that using “pomosexual” might just be an easy answer to a much more complex question. 

best of luck, icon. 

[cityofchapin]

Open to Suggestion

It feels dishonest writing a pride-themed post, because the facade I choose to wear has been “straight” for some time now. It makes answering questions easier. Especially when it comes to the question of why all of my relationships have been with women.

I don’t struggle with my sexuality. I know who I like. And what I like. And how I like it.

For all intents and purpose, I called myself…

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