#pornstarproblems

[taraemory]

Omg I did it. I had given up on this wig I tried wet curlers that didn’t wish finally learned how to heat set it and the curls are BACK!! It could be a little better in places but more than adequate for something I had left for dead #taraemory #pornstarproblems https://www.instagram.com/p/CQcs0jrHm-Z/?utm_medium=tumblr

[taraemory]

I finished building this today. Yay something to sit on when I do camshows but of course I’m gonna get faux fur fluff on my whatsit for a while #pornstarproblems https://www.instagram.com/p/CELdqvJnGQy/?igshid=1jtc32x0vyq6n

[taraemory]

This is extremely demoralizing. This is last week’s take from my membership website. Every phot shoot I have ever done, every video I have ever made (well, minus ones I did for other companies) is on this site. This weekly check used to be between $600 and $1400 a week back in the heyday. I don’t recall how many steady members I needed to have to get those numbers but I’m guessing over 200 members. Lately it’s dipped below 100 members and I still pull in enough to make ends meet. And yes, I do make money off of manyvids, clips4sale, chaturbate, streamate etc, but the centerpiece of my career is now this terrible, it makes me not want to bother ever making new shoots. You know how many members that is to get a $41.76 check? 49 members. I have 18,588 tumblr followers on the planet but only 49 think my work is worth paying for I have 60,500 twitter followers in the whole world and only 49 think I deserve to be paid for my work. I’m balling my eyes out right now because I have great ideas for new shoots but what’s the fucking point? I’m already about as productive as I can be but if I don’t get SOME goddamn encouragement, what’s the point of making any new shoots, ever? Fuck, I post a few pix on tumblr that are 5 years old and people are all gaga over then like they’re new. I guess I should be pleased about that? And yes, I do have a few mega fans who help support me in other ways, but honestly, I’d be happy to refresh and work in my site more if I had a steady 100 fans all the time It’s true what they say about this business, the more you produce, the less you get paid, and at the same time the more people think they can rip you off because they’re all like “oh, she’s a famous pornstar, she’s rich” Yeah, I ain’t fucking rich if my weekly check is $41.76 So I dunno.. do I just pretend everything is hunky dory? Give up? Pack it in and go get a job bagging groceries? Or maybe i yank my entire site off the net. That’ll show them. Then people will have to really hunt for my material. Ok, no, that’s not a good idea. In this day and age if you don’t post on Facebook for like a week, people think you’ve died. I dunno. But anyone ever thinking of joining my site, maybe you should. And yes, I know my site could use better tablet/mobile connectivity- I’m still working on that, but it’s not like I can hire someone so that upgrade is taking time.. But who knows, maybe I’m fucking done with this business. It sucks that 50 more members will make all the difference. But y’all are a bunch of freeloaders, so maybe you should pay the price or lose access to my content forever. At the very least you should know my pain. 50 more members is all I’d like. Or maybe just people buying my videos instead of getting them off the tube sites. That’d be nice. Do you think I have the time and effort to go after the pirate sites? Nope, not on $41.76 a week that’s for fucking sure. So yeah, I’m demoralized. I’m trying to make new shoots this week but what’s the point? Tara

[taraemory]

Testing testing. Seems if I include links to adult sites, it looks like Facebook won't post my Instagram post #taraemory #pornstarlife #pornstarproblems

[taraemory]

See there's not just the "Cherry Pie" shoot, there's not just that strappy black thing with the tutu, there's also this Easter bouquet thing that I made that was supposed to be an"easy" shoot but instead has turned into something huge and epic too. Must resist temptation to go back to the store tomorrow and buy another 20 bunches of fake flowers. Dammit I'm shooting _something_ tomorrow! ! #taraemory #pornstarlife #pornstarproblems

[taraemory]

Dear oh deary dear. What a mess! Finally did my "Another Slice of Cherry Pie" and well... I pretty much trashed that set, and all the stuoid things that were holding up the shoot (baking a pie, buying a cake dome thing to put it on), were all the things that failed me..#taraemory #pornstarproblems

[taraemory]

Ahhhh #toomuchshit #pornstarproblems #pornstarlife #taraemory

[taraemory]

It breaks my heart to move the drawing table and the #inspirationwall to another room but hopefully it'll utilize my space so much better. I really do need 3 bedrooms. One that's for sleeping. One that's like my "room" back when in was a teenager, and one just as a pink barbie hello kitty paradise #taraemory #toomuchshit #pornstarproblems #pornstarlife