#positive parent

[safajriyahs]

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Disclaimer: Saya menulis ini setelah membaca buku “Positive Parenting”. Banyak materi yang merupakan isi dari buku tersebut. Disarankan untuk membaca utuh buku tersebut untuk memperoleh manfaat menyeluruh.

Akhir-akhir ini, saya menamatkan beberapa buku bertema parenting. Saya ingin menjadi orang tua karena telah lulus bersiap dan layak menjadi orang tua, bukan hanya karena saya melahirkan dan memiliki anak. Saya lebih memahami sebuah materi dengan membaca, akhirnya saya menabung beberapa buku parenting untuk dibaca. Kelak, saya ingin anak saya lahir dari keluarga (orang tua) yang matang, siap mendidiknya menjadi bagian dari sebaik-baik ummat (kuntum khairu ummah), memiliki karakter yang kuat, menggenggam dunia di tangannya dan menjadi hamba Allah hingga akhir hayatnya.

Itu adalah cita-cita saya, memiliki anak shalih shaliha, yang dengan doanya kebaikan-kebaikan untuk kami (orangtuanya) terus mengalir meskipun kami sudah meninggal. Putra-putri yang menyejukkan hati keluarga, membawa berkah untuk sekitarnya, serta pembela agama Allah. Anak-anak yang rindu pulang ke rumah, karena dari rumah mereka dapat memperoleh banyak hikmah dari orang tuanya. Semoga Allah mampukan jiwa dan raga kami untuk memiliki anak-anak tersebut.

Di dalam hati saya, saya tidak mau jadi orang tua durhaka untuk anak-anak saya. Tidak ada kebaikan membekas di benak anak-anak saat sudah dewasa. Hanya bentakan dan paksaan-paksaan yang mereka ingat. Padahal, anak-anak adalah amanah yang seharusnya kita jaga. Menunjukkannya jalan-jalan menuju surga, bukan justru lalai dari tanggung jawab. Sehingga Allah ridho kepada keluarga kami dan bersama-sama bergandengan tangan di surga-Nya.

Generasi anak-anak kita adalah sebaik-baik ummat yang ditampilkan kepada manusia. Untuk menyiapkan generasi terbaik, orang tua juga harus menyiapkan diri, dan tentunya berdoa agar diberi kemudahan dan keluasan hati dalam mendidik anak-anak agar mereka menjadi shalih shaliha. Mereka yang akan menggemakan suara kemenangan ummat Islam di masa depan.

[drrandycale]

[parentingtoolbox]

How to be a Positive Parent

What is Positive Parenting?

Wouldn't it be nice if children came with an instruction manual? The ways in which we are expected to parent our children today is often different from the way we were parented. Social attitudes have dramatically changed parenting expectations about work and family life, about discipline, about communication, about sibling rivalry, about homework and more. Without sufficient guidelines to help modern-day parents, they are left feeling helpless and frustrated.

To cope with these changes, parents need to adopt more positive parenting techniques. A positive parent provides children with structure and security, with love and limits,and with self-control and self-respect. Raised in this atmosphere, children will develop healthy attitudes about relationships, and they will be more responsible and have a healthier sense of self.

Positive Discipline

Because many parents were raised with punishment, they have a misunderstanding about how to get cooperation and teach respect without yelling, spanking or using time out. Positive parents understand the difference between discipline and punishment. Discipline engages children’s thinking brains and helps children make important choices about what is right and wrong. Punishment uses aggression, isolation and shame to coerce right behavior. Discipline models self-control and respect. Punishment creates fear.

‘Positive discipline’ parents encourage children to find their own solutions to problems while acting as a coach or emotional tutor. These parents act as a model of what they want their own children to be. They avoid “do it because I told you so” or “do what I say, not what I do,” because they know that children who hear this will behave when parents are around but do what they want when they’re alone or with peers.

  Positive Parenting Tips

One of the simplest ways to be a positive parent is to offer children choices: “Do you want milk or juice with breakfast?” Two choices are enough! If your child says she wants soda, repeat the choices again. After going a couple of rounds without a choice, step in and make the decision for her. Don’t back down at this point; stand your ground and offer firm limits. Your child will be more ready to make a choice about drinks tomorrow. You can offer a lot of choices to your child throughout the day, so that making decisions becomes natural. After a while, your child will feel empowered about her ability to choose, so that the need for a power struggle decreases. This will help you as a parent to feel more competent about your skills as well.

Another positive parenting tip is to show lots of empathy for a problem your child brings up, such as a teacher who gave him a low test score. Quizzing your child about why he got such a low grade or pointing out that he didn’t study like he had been told to can turn into a fight rather than the chance to problem solve together. Instead, you can say, “You’re very upset about this score. You felt you should have gotten a better one.” Follow this empathetic response up with a positive brainstorming comment such as, “What could you do next time to get a better score?” At first children who hear these responses will defend themselves, but over time they will offer some ideas about the need to study more, prepare better, or perhaps get a tutor. Engaging in problem-solving conversations can help a child learn how to do better in school and life.

Making these positive parenting changes is not easy. Parents will fall back into old, negative patterns. That is just one more opportunity to model change. Be honest about the mistakes. Talk about how you will correct them next time, and let your child witness your transformation.