another positive post because the sugar is hitting
im currently reliving my emo phase (mostly music wise, started listening to fob and mychem again) and im currently sitting in bed and realising how well i did considering the circumstances????
LIKE i was 13-14 years old thinking i wouldnt make it past 18 but here i am, turning 20 this year.
im sitting in OWN ROOM 2 HOURS AWAY FROM MY PARENTS. im doing my homework because im a game designer. IM LITERALLY LEARNING TO BECOME A GAME DESIGNER... i took some wild turns sure but thats a dream job???? i get to make money in the future doing what i love! what is to hate! im passionate about this!
i went from having barely any friends in 8th grade to being mildly popular and now, even after moving away, i am still somewhat popular?? people describe me as kind and helpful and smart and they genuinely seem like they want to spend time with me and on top of that? MY HARD WORK IS PAYING OFF BECAUSE IM ONE OF THE BEST IN CLASS... i cant believe it i went from barely passing 8th grade to ACTUALLY BEING MENTIONED AS A GOOD EXAMPLE FOR A HARD WORKING STUDENT BY MULTIPLE TUTORS. im kinda freaking out????
im still struggling with my depression obviously but i actually have my anxiety IN CHECK LIKE. especially my social anxiety... I CAN GO BUY GROCERIES ON MY OWN. thats such a stark contrast to how i used to be.
people finally recognize me as a man too. sure paranoia is there but im RESPECTED and MOSTLY SEEN AS EQUAL I JUST APPARENTLY LOOK LIKE IM 12??? but still a win in my eyes im a little guy what can i say.
and as if thats not already cool enough: im wearing my band shirts and shorts in bed with my homework right in front of me knowing that this specific assignment is something that, out of my current group, only i can do in time and without help. i just chugged an energy drink and im listening to take this to your grave, more specifically grand theft autumn while researching the 'summer of like'. my arms have gotten slightly more defined thanks to working out. i havent been called a she or a girl since A YEAR. I REMEMBER THE LAST TIME CLEARLY AND THAT WAS ALMOST A WHOLE YEAR AGO. IVE ACCEPTED THE FACT THAT RELATIONSHIPS ARENT FOR ME AND IM LIVING HAPPILY ON MY OWN WITHOUT SOME BITCH GETTING ON MY NERVES!!!
younger me would think im so fucking cool. i live to make younger me happy and its finally starting to work. I AM STILL ALIVE AND I HOPE IT STAYS THAT WAY
