#positivity pledge

[zephyrasheart]

I do so pledge!! 🧚🏽‍♀️🧞‍♂️🧜‍♂️🧜🏻‍♀️🧞‍♀️🧚🏿‍♂️🐉🐙🌈💖💗🍄🌺🦈🌪🔥💫☀️⚡️⭐️🌟☄️💥✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨💫💫💫☀️☀️☀️⚡️⚡️⭐️🌟💥💥💥💥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💖💖💖💖💖🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🐙🐙🐙🐙🐉🐉🐉🐉🧞‍♀️🧞‍♀️🧞‍♀️🧞‍♀️🧜🏻‍♀️🧜🏻‍♀️🧜🏻‍♀️🧜🏻‍♀️🧚🏿‍♂️🧚🏿‍♂️🧚🏿‍♂️🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🌵🌵🌵🍀🌵🍀🌵🌵🍄🌺🍄🌺🍄🌺🍄

[lastoftheicelords]

This is going to be a bit of a tangent to the usual positivity pledge.

@honeycimb @immagotobed @rhodonxte @theboffin27 @robbogoblin @changeoftheart please don’t feel the need to read all of this, but the penultimate paragraph is yours so read that if ya wanna :)

This day last year was the final day I had depression, the last day of Feb half term in Y12. This means I’ve been depression-free for a whole year.

The first few months were scary. I spent every day trying as hard as I could to run away from depression. Because it left so suddenly, I was convinced that it could come back just as easily. I did mindfulness, positivity blogging, good sleep, healthy eating, exercise, daily planning, all the things they tell you to do when you have depression but don't have the energy to do.

After a while, although I was hesitant to accept it, I realised it wasn’t coming back. The absence of depression is the most incredible thing I’ve ever felt, and I’m grateful for it every day. Knowing what rock-bottom feels like makes simply being alive feel extraordinary. I had bad days, and still do, but they were few and far between.

Over time I relearned how to be myself. While I was depressed, I was just going through the motions, but this year I remembered what exactly makes me, me. I’m information-hungry, ambitious, hardworking, full of excitement, emotional, deeply loving and pretty damn arrogant. I hope very much my arrogance doesn’t show, but it almost certainly does.

This year I also found myself becoming crueler. I think because I was no longer directing my hate at myself, I didn’t know what to do with it. I also found it hard this year to have instinctive kindness - practicing kindness didn’t seem too tricky, but it did take a lot of effort.

In the year coming, my second year post-depression, I’d like to learn selflessness. I’d also like to unlearn cruelty. I’d like to relearn instinctive kindness.

Throughout this year, my friends have been such a constant rock. They have made me feel so loved and cherished and valued and I love them to the moon and back. They have taught me how to laugh again, how to really and truly cry about things that hurt, who I am after I forgot, and how to be kind. I don’t deserve them, and they are a blessing on me every day.

I am so, so fucking excited to live again. And you know what? This year has been worth the 18 months I spent in hell. I’ve survived it once, I can survive it again if I need to.

[lastoftheicelords]

Today’s cation is GETTING A OFFER FROM TRINITY FREAKING COLLEGE

[lastoftheicelords]

I have so many cations today!!! I could exert a force on a charged particle enough to send it into orbit!!

i got to read my reference for UCAS in which Mr Kirkup just gushed about me and said some lovely lovely things

i had a brilliant flute lesson

dancing was nice

went on pointe on one (1) foot on my left and did it strongly

nice chemistry practical w matt in which we didn’t fk up and got good solid results

brownies at flute choir 👌👌👌

[lastoftheicelords]

I had an amazing flute lesson just now, played one piece the best I’ve EVER played it! I love that one now, after umming and ahhing about it for aaages. We also played a lil bit of hypnosis and I got the runs! :)

this post can be the start of a little thing I’m going to call the positivity pledge - I post once a day about something good that has happened that day. It might be more than once per day, idk.

[venusempathempresspriestess]

💚Positivity Pledge Energy 💚

[lastoftheicelords]

today’s cation was listening to the Sing Out choir sing Dark Water at Emma URC

[lastoftheicelords]

today’s actions are playing rummikub with Ben and doing work in the CMS and seeing pride flags EVERYWHERE to celebrate the start of history month