#post homework

[spiralling-entr0pii]

I'm not okay.

I want to talk to my mom.

I want a therapist.

I want.

I have hopes I have dreams I have loved ones I have connections I have emotions I have a body I have fingers I have toes I have arms I have a head I have a body. I have a mind I have a soul I have a heart I have everything that everyone else does. I'm not okay. I can be not okay. I don't have to be okay. I don't have to function like everyone else. I don't have to do my homework as efficiently I don't have to go to my extracurriculars I don't have to get perfect grades I don't have to be perfect. I am a human. No human being can be perfect. No perfect being can be human. I am a human. I am not a perfect being. I have fingers to type toes to dance arms to hug emotions to feel life to live. I have a life to live it. I want to live. I want to live. I want to feel and hug and dance and type and sing and draw and live. I want to cry and laugh and love and touch and feel. I want to feel. I want to live. I want to be human. I want to live. I don't want to be perfect. I want to live.

[spiralling-entr0pii]

God I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I love you I'm so sorry please forgive me I don't think your worse than I am I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry please love me again please please do you love me I thought you loved me please take it back I'm so sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry

What the fuck I'm so pathetic what is this You're such a little bitch AHAHHAHAHAH WHAT THE FUCK HAHHAHA YOU'RE GROVELLING ON THE GROUND LIKE A WHINY LITTLE BITCH THIS IS SO SAD AHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

What the fuck?? Hello?? Therapist???? Please?????? This is so weird what the hell?????? I've got to be studied under a lab this is textbook dissociation HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA Stop laughing this isn't funny its sad its pathetno its not SHUT THE FUCK UP

GOD DAMMIT

FUCK

[spiralling-entr0pii]

I just realized I'm a fucking poet ahahahha wtf why is my venting so poetic half the time I just get so emotional and start typing in a fit of [emotion] lmao ahahhahah

[spiralling-entr0pii]

God I'm gonna cum I'm so fucking sexy I need a harem so that someone else can appreciate my excellence. I'm worthy of a cult no COUNTRY that worships me and praises me and follows my every whim and I could slaughter all those who oppose me in cold blood I need to watch as I rip off their skin and spit on their exposed nerves FUCKKKKKK

[spiralling-entr0pii]

I'm so fucking cringe LMAO. Every millisecond after I verbalize one of my thoughts I realize how "this song brings out the manic hypersexual male manipulator in me" I seem. But its true. I fucking wish I was a buff cishet man so people would take that seriously but NOOO I'm just a gay little alt weirdo who copied being insane off tiktok for attention

[spiralling-entr0pii]

Y'know I'm actually pissed. I know I belong deep down in hell or whatever but you claim to be so moral and righteous yet look at whose a better communicator. Who doesn't insult and berate and demean those they say they love. Who knows how to apologize. Who's self aware. Which one of us is really the demon in disguise. While you flap your wings above my pit in mockery, your feathers slowly wither away one by one as God simply waits for you to fall in

[spiralling-entr0pii]

I think I learned why I love the trope of "non mortal eldritch entity takes over body of human and is fascinated with the body" so much

It's because the eldritch entity is me

Whenever my body acts in an emotional way I'm astonished and in awe like "wow I feel so strange!"

I'm so detached from my emotionality that I feel like I'm in some random human's body

I feel like I'm not human watching in the eyes of a human

And when tears flow out my body is reacting against my brain like the remnant of who once wore this skin is still somewhere deep inside of it

[spiralling-entr0pii]

Chainsaw Man reminds me that I deserve love too