#post rationalism

[solace-philosophy]

The problems we face are not fundamentally rational or reasonable and are not, therefore, amenable to rational solutions. Clever ideas don’t by themselves work because the problem is fundamentally one of insanity.

— Derrick Jensen, Earth at Risk Conference 2014 (on Youtube)

[speakspeak]

Post-Rationalism

[marmeenoir]

I don't know if 2012 marks the end of the world, but it sure marks the end of my world...as I've known it.

I post a lot of funny stuff in this blog. This is supposed to be my personal blog but I hardly ever write about me or my life.

Despite being a psychology student, I'm completely out of touch with my emotions. According to Vittorio Guidano's Post Rationalism school of psychology, I'm a pasive phobic individual. I'm not able to experience true emotions, I only know what I'm feeling according to physical manifestations: When I'm nervous I throw up. When I'm scared I cannot breath, When I'm sad I feel a stabbing pain in my chest, when I'm furious I get tachycardia.

Because of the same I cannot express my emotions properly and I don't trust people easily. Physical contact with other people makes me uncomfortable, except with three people. My two male best friends and my mother. One of them, José, almost died in a car accident last year and he moved to another city some months ago. Pablo, my other best friend died in a car accident a month ago. And my mother, whom I'm very close with, has terminal cancer. She only has months to live, maybe a year.

I don't know how to deal with these loses. I'm not prepared to face the rest of my life without them, I'm scared senseless. I feel like a little kid, absolutely vulnerable. I had a very, very rough life, but nothing of what I've experienced so far prepared me to this.

I'm under so much stress I feel like I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I cannot cry, everything I eat makes me nauseous, I can't sleep because I got night fevers. I'm constantly in pain. I'm losing control.

And I have so much responsibilities!  I'm in my last semester at university, I have to start my professional internship and my thesis, my brother and I have to take care of all the legal implications of my mom's imminent death (trust funds, life insurance,  to sell some real states, help on my mother's divorce, so my father doesn't get anything of her money, because in Chile there are no testaments, the husband inherits half of the patrimony even when they have been separated for 15 years)

*sigh*