108.
It's weeks before Callum talks about it.
Ez doesn't blame him. Their return from the Moon Nexus was... not what they expected it would be in many ways, but Callum is worst off, and everybody knows why but nobody is brave enough to bring it up. Soren tries, a week in, but it ends with a door slammed in his face and Callum, already mostly silent, refusing to speak to him—or anyone—for days.
He doesn't eat at meals. He doesn't attend the meetings that he should. He locks himself in his room—his old room, not the one he shared with—he locks himself away, is the point, and it's rare to see him these days without redness in his eyes or that scrunched up letter in his fist. Ez was too young to know how he grieved their mother, and he didn't know he was even grieving their father until he found out what happened himself, but this...
This is the hardest thing Ez has ever had to watch, and it hurts more than he thought it could. He's devastated too--he'd loved her like a sister, and she'd left him behind just the same, but Callum is broken because of her and Ez wants to hate her for it.
He doesn't. He doesn't think he can. There are other things to consider here; things about her home, and her family, and the team that she abandoned in favour of saving his life. It's not fair to hate her for it, not when she's been through the things that she has, but gods, Ez wants to, because Callum doesn't deserve this, and it breaks his heart in ways he hadn't even realized were possible.
"Can we talk about it?" he asks finally.
Callum shrugs half-heartedly. It's late in the afternoon, and Ez had cancelled the council meeting today in favour of spending some time with his brother. The sun is low, and their old room is a mess of books and paper, some of it freshly torn out of the sketchbook on Callum's desk. Callum's staring at the ceiling, the letter clutched in his hand again, his eyes dull and disheartened.
"Callum."
Callum takes a breath. "Just leave it, Ez," he mumbles. "I don't... really want to talk about any of this right now."
"You haven't talked about any of it since we came back." Ez makes a face at him and seats himself on the edge of the bed. Callum only huffs and rolls away from him.
"There's nothing to talk about," says Callum. "She left. After everything that happened, she left anyway and I..." He sucks in a shuddering breath, and Ez can't see but he would lay odds that Callum's crying again. "I loved her," he whispers at last. "I still love her. Why wasn't that enough?"
Ez says nothing. For all he wanted to talk about it, there's nothing to say. The shadows grow longer in the silence.
