#post-op vsg

[kerryatric]

Truths:

I am very high on drugs right now.

I have 6 incisions in my belly.

I have vomited endless times thus far.

Right now, chamomile tea with splenda tastes like naked lil angels are dancing on my tongue. And I hate chamomile tea. But it’s the only thing staying down, so I’ll take it.

[sassygetssleeved]

I’m disappointed in myself.

I have my 9 month post-op appointment on Monday and for the first time EVER I am really just not wanting to go to it. I don’t want to go, because I’ve been stalled at the same weight for the last few months. I don’t want to go, because while I have been trying to get out of this stall, I know I haven’t been trying hard enough. I don’t want to go, because I know that I haven’t been following the diet and everything else as well as I should be. I don’t want to go, because I am incredibly upset with myself and going to this appointment will just show them that clearly I am fucking up already and it’s only been 9 months since my surgery.

I’m so mad at myself. I’m mad that I keep lying to myself, that I’m half-assing things. I’m mad and frustrated that despite how hard I’ve been searching for a job, I just can’t seem to nail one down. I’ve gone to at least 3 job interviews since December and every time someone “more experienced” has come along. I’m mad that I’ve slowly been slipping into this funk ever since I broke things off with a boy that I wish I had never allowed myself to date, because I should have been smarter and listened to my gut instincts that no matter how much I liked him and how well we got along, his Poly relationship just wasn’t something I was going to be able to handle. I just want things to start feeling good again.

[sassygetssleeved]

First Stall

So, I’ve been stalled at 335 for awhile now, which is frustrating, but I know it’s because my protein intake has been REALLY shitty. Rather than choking down a protein supplement, I’ve just not been taking it at all and that’s just no good. But I am working on it. So Here’s to that.