Thelema on my Terms.
I have rejected Thelema a few times throughout my magical career, it was ultimately what lead to me resigning from the A∴A ∴ in the end. I have always changed my mind later on due to the current truly resonating with me on a deep level. It is only recently that I have realised what I was rejecting was not Thelema as a magical system, but what Thelema has become in the modern day due to a small group of people that hold power within O.T.O. and affiliated lines of A∴A∴. They call the shots, they influence what beginners approaching Thelema learn and subsequently believe, and it often does not reflect what Crowley wrote, and certainly not what Crowley wrote in later life. Which is surely more important than what a younger Crowley wrote!
Furthermore, I no longer believe in the Thelemic orders out there today. They are failed experiments, sometimes with good intentions, but a lot of the time with hidden intentions too. Thelema has become an ‘old man's club’ and it is clear to me from conversing with such individuals online and in person that whilst they present themselves as liberals, feminists, and allies of LGBTQIA people that they are far from it. Not all of them, I am not making a sweeping statement, but there is enough of a problem for me to call a problem. I have had to tell Thelemites to not be racist, to not be homophobic, to not be transphobic and usually I get the response “Man has the right to say what he Will”. This is a gross misinterpretation of Will and Liber Oz.
As a gay person I can honestly say I feel isolated within Thelema. I can imagine women may feel the same, I know some do. I also know some people of colour feel the same, again I have been told they do. These are issues, the law is for all, but just like in regular society, minority groups are under-represented, often silenced, and typically degraded and silenced. This is certainly not the message of Thelema I have received, and despite Crowley’s shortcomings in his personality, it is not his vision of Thelema either. In official magical contexts he was clear, the Law is for all, and every man and every woman is a star.
Initiation can be useful, but joining a magical order and operating under the Will of someone else is not what Thelema is about. Thelema is quite simple. Thelema is about doing the work and attaining knowledge and conversation (which means union with, not mere communication with) the Holy Guardian Angel (See my post about what I believe the HGA is) which subsequently leads to knowledge of the True Will. Which is not “whatever I want to do, I can do because daddy Crowley says so”, it is your life’s purpose, living in tune to the current of the surrounding universe. That is all, and you can accomplish it on your own. The materials are all publicly available, there are few secrets left, and what are left can easily be uncovered with a little work and a little thinking.
So I have rejected Thelema multiple times because I have felt underrepresented, degraded, and unimpressed by the work of so-called experts and members of magical orders (my own ex A∴A∴ lineage are excluded from this statement). I have also rejected it because the majority of Thelemites love to quote 18 year old atheist Crowley and Regardie and have made magick into nothing more than a mere psychological exercise. It is so much more, and if you don’t believe in subtle energy, or spirits, or anything metaphysical, it is my humble opinion you are not doing magick at all.
I also hate that people only read Crowley, as though he is the only source out there. Crowley did a good job at collating information he had access to at the time to make a coherent and workable system. But we have so much more information available now. We don’t have to use Crowley’s system to the letter anymore. It is like using a bicycle to cycle from Manchester to London when you have a car on your drive. You will get there, it will be harder work, and you may get there quicker if you use the updated tech available.
Speaking of Crowley, another reason I have rejected Thelema is because modern Thelema has taken on a form of Crowleyanity. He is revered, he is loved, he is praised, and not even due to his magical career, but because of his shocking statements and character flaws. Crowley didn’t even want Crowleyanity to happen, he expressly warned against it. But it has happened anyway, he has celebrity status in the occult world and people seem to idolise him. He was a piece of shit. There is no getting around that. He was not a nice person. A good magician, a good author, a brilliant writer in general. But a pleasant person he was not. Complicated, mentally ill, abused as a child- yes. But a person you want to be around and revere as a saint? No.
What drove me back to Thelema was the core message set out in Liber Legis and the other Holy Books and the system of A∴A∴. It works, it does what it says on the tin, albeit with a bit of updating. I have found the system works for me, and has been a true calling for me. A great tool to use in my spiritual/initiatory work. I have also found some people who are true Thelemites doing the work and exploring areas that have not yet been explored. True magicians attempting to discover their Will and live in accordance to it. When Thelemites work on their own, share a common bond, and just get on with it Thelema really works well as a magical framework.
I don’t much consider myself a Thelemite by the standard that has been set out by O.T.O. and others associated with them. But I am a Thelemite by Liber Legis standards and my own. I always will be. I usually just say I am a magician with Thelemic tendencies these days. And it is true, but what is also telling is people’s reaction to that statement. They automatically believe I want to have sex with every woman around, I’m racist, homophobic, addicted to drugs, and I have an obsession with semen. It is telling that these knee-jerk reactions exist. It is not a ‘they are discriminating against Thelemites’ situation. It is because these types of Thelemites exist, and I believe are the majority. Let’s call them the ‘Thelema bros’. I am not of them, I spit on their crapulous creeds.
So to summarise: Thelema works, organised Thelema is a mess, the only thing you need to live by is “do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law” and “love is the law, love under will”.
