Comparing My Magical Journals With My Husband's Journals from a Parallel World
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We could have been doing anything, my husband and I. Experiencing anything, anywhere and with anyone. We were already trying to play off of each other for November, my esoteric posts responding and being responded to by his posts about his own psychic and spiritual experiences. The idea was that we respond to each other during a month of spiritual observance of our shared religion, one I started creating in 1999 and since then have grown with the help of my husband.
Well, the month of November got hijacked during about the last third of it, so we weren't able to write our coordinated articles like we planned to. We weren't able to do anything like we wanted or planned to. But for all our trying, we did end up with something for the effort: we somehow managed to synchronize in a way that meant we've been keeping parallel journaling experiences since then through the manifestation of some incredibly unexpected esoteric phenomena. And also some curses. Some big fat evil curses. We documented all of that automatically, and it was kind of like running the cameras in a haunted house while Dracula gets into a pottery-throwing fight with three ghosts and a poltergeist. Worthy of video capture, but nothing you'd ever want to film yourself. It was like getting firsthand footage of an F-5 level tornado with a shoulder-held camcorder while running backwards.
I definitely got hit by flying objects a few times.
I've really been interested in my husband's experiences of spiritual life when around me and my fucking demonic shenanigans. I was surprised by how fast he yes-and-ed to working with demons in a system that was documented by no one but my own injured-during-preschool-years erisian occultist brain. I was surprised by how fully he experienced things so quickly. I've had people hang around me, hang ONTO me vampirically, who've pretended to understand the system I helped start and then tried to pick its bones over for all they could take before the damn thing had even become a dead religion. So to see him use the religion to pick himself up off the ground from, to raise himself up with... how fabulous! I'd sure like to track that in an easily-readable, sanity-confirming way.
TOO BAD FOR ME BECAUSE RELIGION AND SCIENCE AREN'T THE SAME THING.
Oh yeah, it's all been scientific. Oh yeah, all the things have been 'possible.' "Possible." '''Possible.''' That doesn't make them actually affirm your belief that science is the most powerful way of interacting with the universe, that logic always prevails, that causality will always be understandable... you know, it doesn't affirm any of your beliefs that are STUPID. I guess what I've been seeing the most in my husband's experience, and his creative work during the duration of all this, is all the proof that what I have been doing is REAL and that it can do ANYTHING, but in like... just the least expected ways possible.
I'm not sure WHY I don't expect some of these things to happen. I'm not sure why I expect other things to happen. I'm not sure what's normal to happen at all. To be honest, I didn't expect marriage to affect religion nearly as much as it has already, and is now. I grew up in the same house as two married people who didn't love each other and fought around me, and sometimes THROUGH me, all the time. I didn't even get raised by them so much as just had to put up with being around them until I finally left home for a boarding high school. Marriage isn't just a mystery to me, it's incomprehensible.
So really, I have no idea what's going on. I have absolutely no idea what's going on. But hey, here's a view from the ground floor of House Chaos, if you want to know what it looks like. All I can do sometimes is ask my husband for clarity.
First of all, have you heard of the ritual to gain Knowledge and Conversation of Your Holy Guardian Angel? HGA for short? Well it's kind of famous in occult circles, kind of something a lot of high-level occultists like to do and low-level occultists like to try and mid-level occultists try to claim they already did when they were sixteen. Well, I didn't do exactly that and neither did my husband. But the HGA ritual is very specific about how you should interact around your spouse (ASSUMED TO BE YOUR WIFE, IT IS VERY HETERO AND CIS) and states that you basically can't share a bed during a certain period. Or things happen. That you do not want. Because your spouse will become possessed by an entity in a way that will complicate your spiritual life, your marriage, and MAYBE the very pseudostructures of the universe.
Well anyway that's not what we did per se but we have been channeling a lot of demons, sometimes automatically, because apparently in this religion the demons you work with just show up in your life as particular people you interact with, whether intended or accidental. And also you can channel them on purpose. And also they can live your life for you for awhile. And that's pretty cool and oh boy have we been journaling this in a completely parallel yet entirely separate manner.
So, we both sign and date and timestamp most of our journal entries, writings and drawings. This means I can easily compare what entries were during the same experience, or conversely, compare what different times similar experiences were experienced at. Now, getting together the journals all in one place where I can compare and contrast them all and take notes and make conclusions... that's been difficult. Because for one, even the notes on the experience themselves are hard to keep organized. Tyler has at least three different main journals/notebooks/note stashes of an experience he had over the course of a week. In that same span of time, I generated art and notes in at least four different sketchbooks. Neither of us planned this, and thus neither of us was consciously trying to make this more complicated or even less complicated than it needed to be. When you generate notes on a large-scale magical/spiritual/psychic act, those notes become in themselves part of that large-scale work. And they get weird.
They automatically shuffle themselves around and skip pages to obscure something and get lost so you have to use another book and the pens get lost so you have to work in brush ink and then the cover of one journal rips off so now the first page is the cover and that Means Something Now and you tucked the bus passes into that back pocket and now your bus trip is itself haunted several more times over than any bus trip you've ever had before. Your receipt for the groceries you bought during the event to keep you going and keep you from falling over has a cryptic note that makes sense eight years later when you find it randomly bookmarking your largest tome on herbalism. There is a folder full of medical paperwork that is not only Legally Significant but has notes on mystical creatures and their correspondences with colors and heraldry that you will be meditating on for at least half a year going forward.
Reading this stuff is intense. The thing about taking notes during a mystical event is that it's already an incredible difficult act. To be fully immersed in a ritual, you have to put down your pen and your notebook and do the damn ritual. The opportunities for fresh observations from one's time during a ritual are very few and usually the experience must be journaled hours or even days later. Some memories of mystical experiences even present themselves before the ritual, so in some cases we had documented things for enough years back that we could match up some precog that was signalling the past versions of us to really show up for something. Now, reading this stuff is even worse when you're still experiencing the stuff.
An intense ritual experience is already a multi-dimensional affair during which you likely, due to the physical place you are being kept inside of while doing a major psychic work, are using every part of your brain possible and accessible to process as much as you can but are still getting far more input than you'll ever be able to take in. If you've ever wondered, have I missed important parts of a ritual, did I not concentrate correctly during them: the answer is that no one can truly concentrate on any of this stuff. I fell asleep three times just trying to write this paragraph. I misspelled "times" TWICE before getting it right.
So yeah imagine reading just one of the notebooks that Tyler or I wrote in and reading maybe ten pages of it and then imagine trying to read a normal thing like, the weather. And then see how you feel about whether that weather chart is accurate or not. Because once there's multi-dimensional material in your brain, it affects everything inside and outside of your head. There's emotions you can't understand and probably never will have an understanding of that will try to process themselves and make you have weird ideas about the number four and its regularity in the license plates of the cars that pass you by for the next eight days. And then some deity you've never heard of is going to send you a firm signal that they've got your back and a random person you meet will know exactly what it is you're looking for and tell you exactly where to find it, and then you do a drawing of your favorite video game character and it turns out to be an illustration of one of your partners' dreams last night. And then a bird comes by and lands on the car mirror you're staring at right as the radio advances to the next song and three emergency vehicles tear down the road with sirens wailing to the exact beat of whatever's playing on Spotify right now. And yeah, that's just what happens when you idly try to take pictures of the ritual with your camera phone while data and wifi are still turned on.
The project: I will go through at least three of my husbands' journals/folders he made during this last experience. I will compare them to my sketchbook art and social media posts, both of which are dated and timestamped. I will see how many times we wrote about two angles of the same event. I will see how many events happened to us at different times. I will track colors. I will track names. I will track behaviors. I will report back with what I find.
Until then, please feel free to make this post (probably a series of posts, to be honest) appear faster by sponsoring a post on this blog! The more scratch I have to work with, the easier it is to reserve a space with lots of table room and organization supplies. I also have commissions available of both character and spirit art, and when my husband isn't creating seven-dimensional journals he crochets and sells hats! Take a look at what we've got! Check me out on Patreon! And look forward to the future, when you will finally be able to pay for food and services with pure dream currency. Whoops, that was too far into the future. Gotta stop reading this journal. It's got a buzz.
