31. "You haven't lost me" for the Angst/Fluff prompt
Oh, look at me answering prompts months after the fact!
Xaja blinked as she started awake, staring into the dim lighting of the bedroom and frowning in confusion. She wasn’t sure precisely what time it was, but it had to be stupidly early on Odessen, far earlier than she liked to be awake. The hells had –
A stifled gasp came from the other side of the bed, earning Xaja’s full attention. Frowning, she rolled over, only to see Theron’s face twisted in a pained grimace. “Theron?” she whispered, carefully touching his shoulder.
The spy didn’t respond to her touch or whisper, too lost in his dreams to notice her. No, not dreams, Xaja realized as Theron turned his head with another groan – a nightmare. “No…”
“Theron, it’s okay.” Xaja gently shook his shoulder, mindful to not jostle him too much with his still-healing abdominal wound. “You’re okay, love. Wake up.” She leaned in to brush a kiss over his sweat-dampened forehead, and frowned when he didn’t react to her touch. “Theron?”
“Please…” Theron begged whoever was in his nightmare. Xaja felt her heart break at his next words. “Not her, please…”
“Theron!” Sitting fully upright, Xaja shook his shoulder as hard as she dared with his wound, her own fear starting to rear its head. “Please wake up. It’s okay, we’re safe. I’m here, Theron. I’m right here–”
Theron’s eyes snapped open, terror filling his hazel gaze. A strangled cry escaped him as he tried to lunge upward despite Xaja’s hand on his shoulder; a different cry escaped him as his wound made itself known again, making him curl up as best he could. Agony mingled with the fear in his unseeing gaze as he stared at monsters only visible to him. “Xaja, no!”
“I’m here, Theron.” Xaja rested her hand against his cheek, cradling his face as her other hand rubbed his shoulder. “I’m here, love. We’re okay. You’re safe, you’re safe…” She kept talking to him as she finally started to see awareness in his eyes, finally sensed the nightmare loosening its hold on him. “That’s it, love. You’re okay. We’re on Odessen, and we’re both okay. You’re safe with me, sweetheart.”
Theron’s hand finally raised to grab her wrist as his eyes sought out her own, the panic finally lessening. “Xaja?” he whispered, as though he couldn’t quite believe that she was there.
“Yes, it’s me.” Xaja leaned down to kiss Theron’s forehead, feeling his other hand reach up to touch her hair, then her cheek. “I’m right here, Theron, and I’m not going anywhere. You were having a nightma–”
She yelped as Theron suddenly grabbed her, pulling her close enough to him that she could feel the bandages around his stomach pressing into her own skin. He buried his face in her shoulder; she could feel him shaking. “They had you,” he whispered. “They were… stars, I couldn’t…”
“Shhh.” Xaja raked her fingers through the lines of hair growing back over Theron’s scalp. “You haven’t lost me, Theron. I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere.” She kissed his hair again as she settled back down in the pillows, soothingly stroking Theron’s ragged hair and kissing him until she felt him calm down again. “It’s okay. We’re both okay.”
Theron finally took a shaky breath, microscopically loosening his tight grip on Xaja. “Sorry,” he whispered, pulling back just enough to look her in the eyes. Xaja felt her heart shatter again when she saw the haunted look in his gaze. “For… for waking you up.”
“It’s okay,” Xaja murmured as she gently kissed his lips. “Better me waking up than you stuck in that nightmare.” She felt Theron hesitantly nod, and stayed quiet for another minute, brushing her fingers over his stubble-clad cheeks and feeling his breathing synchronize with hers at last. “Do you need another dose of the pain meds?” she finally asked.
Theron quickly shook his head, despite the pain flaring in the Force around him. “Not the meds,” he quickly said before hesitating; fear coloured the Force again. “I… I can’t wake up,” he quietly confessed, his voice almost inaudible. “I can’t…”
“Oh, Theron,” Xaja whispered, her heart twisting at his openly fearful expression. Whatever demons he had faced in his nightmare, the monsters he had encountered in the Order of Zildrog, they had to rival her worst dreams of Valkorion to scare him that badly. “C’mere.” She drew Theron back down to snuggle, guiding his head to rest over her chest where he could hear her heartbeat. Her hand reached down to just touch the bandages; Xaja stifled a hiss as she drew on the Force, transferring some of Theron’s pain to herself. Hells, she had hoped to never feel this type of pain again, even if second-hand; but it wasn’t like they had more options.
He frowned, looking up at her as he felt her tense instinctively. “Xaja, what are you–?”
“It’s okay.” Xaja managed a smile for Theron as she kissed his forehead. “Nothing I can’t handle.” Stars knew she was considered one of the experts on being stabbed with lightsabers and surviving to tell the tale. She stroked her fingers soothingly through Theron’s hair, just along his temples like she knew he loved. “Sleep, Theron.”
“But…” Theron frowned, fighting off the drowsiness that already threatened to take him over again. “You can’t… not for…” His grip on her tightened. “I don’t wanna lose you…”
“You’re not going to lose me.” With an effort, Xaja drew more of the pain into herself. Her discomfort was well worth seeing Theron’s face visibly relax as the tension in his body eased. “I’m going to be right here when you wake up, love. I promise.” She kissed his hair again as his eyes closed; he snuggled into her chest, his breathing finally steadying in the slow currents of sleep. Xaja didn’t dare move until she saw the lines in his forehead vanish, his mouth slightly falling open, his Force-signature relaxed and calm.
Yet she remained awake for the rest of the night, guarding him from the pain and the demons he had picked up during his months undercover.
