#posted by lems

[tf2fansderogatory]

I like to think Mann Co. sends shipments of ice cream to the teams every once in a while like they did to actual serving soldiers at one point. Despite being grown men who kill other men daily they all become VERY excited about this ice cream and take it FAR too seriously

i think theyd be like my sister. hoards the ice cream all to themselves, complains when someone eats their share, and suffers when theres no ice cream to eat

[tf2fansderogatory]

Miss Pauling will never understand people being into the mercs—not just on account of being into women, but also just because she knows them WAY too well to ever be into them. If she knew less about them, then maybe she’d at least get the appeal, but now that she knows Medic kicks his legs up and down giggling to himself about boys, Soldier has to regularly get put down and Respawned because he got rabies, and Engie’s excited talk is an incomprehensible blur of countryisms and clapping… yeah.

me and her both ngl we ALL know these men unhinged as fuck but boy people sure do love unhinged men

and anyways some things are better when you know less about it lol

[tf2fansderogatory]

soldier is trans but doesnt know what a period is

having his clothing (including his underwear) soaked in blood is just a teusday for him

someone asks him if hes ok and hes just like 'affirmative! this happens every month!'

[tf2fansderogatory]

this is kinda dumb, but yeah

i think that, due to spies, after a while leaving your back unguarded around someone is a sign of trust among the mercs, kinda like cats? like if one of them falls asleep with their back to you it means they really trust you if that makes any fucking sense

oh my god yeah

theyre exactly like cats

[tf2fansderogatory]

i feel like, at night, all grudges are put away.

when everyone's asleep, it doesn't matter who woke who up in the middle of the night for no reason. they open their door and offer whoever a chance to rest with some company, whether it be to talk, or just sit

if someone had a bad dream, they go to someone else. no one bats an eye at it when they leave in the morning. they just nod and offer that small portion of comfort

when someone had a bad day, their closest friends will be seen leaving their room in the morning

it doesn't matter what happened during the day. what insults were thrown, or how bad they hurt them. if someone wanted comfort, they go and sleep with them, because they know they will have comfort

the mercs care for each other. they love each other. letting someone sleep with them in bed (or on the couch) is one of the many ways how they show and prove it

yeah, yeah.

theyre literally in the buttfuck nowhere of the desert. theres no other human beings in the middle of the desert, asides from the people of teufort (hates them, tried to public execution them, lead poisoned) and the other team (other color bad boooooo) so they only people they can go to for comfort is the other mercs on their team.

humans are social creatures, and they (i mean, we) need to be around other humans to stay sane.

spy sometimes will sneak around in the dead of night, to make sure the other mercs are ok bc of paranoia from whatever he was before teufort

even tho sniper likes to sleep in his own campervan away from the base, sometimes he can be seen making breakfast at like 5 in the morning, and leaves before anyone else wakes up. he acts like he doesnt know how the food got there, but theres always CCTV footage

sometimes, scout pyro demo and engie likes to have sleepovers in the common room because its easier to sleep with other people that day. theyre usually very quiet about it, and for the most part just spend the time watching movies until they fall asleep in a giant pile

no one ever goes to sleep in soldiers room (because raccoons), but more than once someone has probably dragged soldier to their room because i think hed be like a warm body pillow you can koala hug.

medic is not above letting someone cuddle his doves if they need it (because soldiers raccoons cant be liscense to be comfort animals for anyone except soldier). he always acts grumpy when his birds are held too long but he doesnt actually mind.

heavy is the best person on base to sleep with (literal), because hes big and warm like an oven. if someone asked, hed probably be more than happy to read them a story to help them fall asleep.

[tf2fansderogatory]

We need to talk more about Spy knowing Scout is his son and slowly succumbing to Fatherly Instincts™. Can you imagine Scout giving him puppy-dog eyes and he's absolutely horrified to find he simply loses the ability to say no to this kid. If Scout says he's hungry he nearly trips over himself trying to get out of the room but the joke forces itself out of his mouth before he can make it, "Hi hungry I'm Spy"

spydad caught in 4k insert funny joke here. sorry im tired.

[tf2fansderogatory]

what if scout’s buck teeth were retractable. what if he could shlick those guys in and out of his mouth at will like a cat’s claws

anon it is too early for this

[tf2fansderogatory]

Medic has to trick soldier to take his calcium/iron supplements via a slice of American cheddar or ham, but considering how many sandwiches heavy makes(and the fact that Spy and Scout enjoy mid-night snacks), sometimes they run out.

Because of this, on several occasions, Soldier has burst from the medical lobby, having ripped off his clothes, screaming and running away on all fours like a wild animal, chased by the (way faster) medic, who tackles soldier, restrains him (with some help from Heavy/Demo) and has to force the supplements down his throat.

imagine being sniper visiting the base occasionally during one of these. all he wants is a snack. or a coffee.

and suddenly out of nowhere he sees soldier barreling down the hall and fucking YELLING with medic, heavy AND demo chasing him down. medic is shouting something in german about pills.

because he has never been on base during one of these times (too busy doing whatever he does in his camper van) he looks to whoever else in the room for an explanation that never comes because everyone (else) knows that this is an at least once a month occurrence.

(this applies to miss pauling btw except she would actually follow them to see what in the god forsaken fuck is going on)