Katsuki's Diary Entry
Last night it as if I didn’t know the person in front of me. My eyes didn’t want to believe what they saw, my ears didn’t want to believe what they heard and my heart didn’t want to accept what just happened. It was supposed to be a warm reunion with all of class-A around but my expectations were hung up on something else… … on “someone” else. … … …
When I looked around it was still the familiar faces from years ago when we were still students in UA. But now they’ve all grown up, while for me I am still stuck at the river bank… …
The only difference is the boy who had his hand stretched out towards me, I can’t seem to recognize him anymore. Did he change? Was I too late? Did I really fail to catch up to you… … … Izuku?
Is it selfish that I thought I could keep you by my side for the rest of our lives? Was I wrong for thinking you also wanted the same? For the past 8 years, there wasn't a single day where I didn't want you to be mine. I was blinded by joy of my own delusions that I couldn't see that I'm not allowed to be your's. I crossed a line that didn't even exist for you, long ago.
I've known you for the entire time I've known myself. And it took a single night for us to become strangers again. Cause who I saw last night can't be the Izuku I knew. He would've never given up on his dream of becoming a hero, he would've never rejected the offer to open an agency alongside with me, he would've never gave up on chasing our dreams together. These were your plans after all but seems like they've changed now, you've changed, Izuku.
Yet I'm still the same.
I'm sorry my feelings have turned this way but I have never regretted loving you. I never will, because to me Izuku Midoriya is still the epitome of selfless love. Till the very end you've cared for others more than you've cared about yourself. Maybe I wanted your selfish desire to be me but who knows if I've ever been in that light for you. If you've ever wanted me like I've wanted you.
I've been a mess ever since last night, it's not just that my feelings weren't reciprocated. Why does it seem like somewhere in that crowd I lost a part of me too?
When I watched you walk away, you didn't look back once. That moment told me everything I needed to know. I lost, I lost you forever.
This time I was the one who had his arms out, so eager for you to take it.....what a turn of events right? Did you feel the same back then? Were you hurting the same way as me? Maybe I'll never know.
Now... I just hope in the future which you've chosen for yourself. You'll be loved the way I've loved you, Izuku. You deserve to be loved. It's just that it can't be me loving you.
