#postesswiththemostess

[smokeybritches]

I am in such intense pain right now.

My entire body is aching. My stomach, my neck, my shoulders, my back are all so tender that my clothes hurt just touching my skin. I want to cry, I don't know what is wrong. I'm actually really kind of worried.

[smokeybritches]

List of things I've learned in AP Art History.

1. How to spell Renaissance. 

end of list

[smokeybritches]

"I don't really see it going anywhere else."

Being told this twice, by two different guys, in the time span of a month kind of fucking sucks. 

[smokeybritches]

Hope this college can't see how many times I've forgotten my password to my application.

The sheer number of times I've had to have it emailed to me is grounds enough to deny me. 

[smokeybritches]

So I've been sitting at my computer struggling with adding 50 extra words to a college essay I wrote 2 weeks ago. I've been here for 7 hours. Struggling and fighting with this horrible bitterness that has grown in my chest. I  could not even begin to think of what to write. 

But as I sat here and procrastinated. I day dreamed about winterguard and scrolled through tumblr. And slowly and subtly the deep words of tumblr, with their raw emotion and brutal honestly broke through the sour essence that has been over taking me. I was flooded with inspiration and passion. And for the first time in a very long time. 

Hope.

For the future. For college.

For me.

And today I am absolutely certain, that what I regarded as procrastinating hours ago, might have been the the most important use of my time in my life. 

[smokeybritches]

Today I decided I wasn't going to eat anymore so I could lose a couple pounds for cheek bones and a size four. But within an hour I got so hungry that I forgot and ate the best sushi ever. Then I ate dinner. Then I remembered I wasn't going to eat anymore. Then I had a pastry. 

I guess I'm never going to be anorexia. 

So I guess that's good.