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Just got home from the movies...

...and I am beyond words. “A Star Is Born” is a freaking masterpiece and I love Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga so much I can’t even possibly put into words how gorgeous and true this movie is. This film deserves more than one Oscar. One for best female lead, one for best male lead, one for best picture, one for best Drama and most of all one for best fucking music! Cause that is the heart of it all.

#A star is born #Jenny blogs RL #Posts via phone

Okay, after I posted my photo op with Jared yesterday already, here is my picture with Jensen (and sorry btw about the crappy quality of both pictures, they are a picture of a picture taken on a mobile phone). As I had said in a post yesterday after picking up the photograph: I am really happy with how it turned out, because I usually - like most people I guess - don’t typically like myself in pictures. :’)

But this one I love very very much. There isn’t a big story to be told about it. Similarly to my Jared photo op I just found a few props that I thought were cute and could make for a potentially sweet picture.

Jensen was super sweet and relaxed and just an all around gentleman. And of course only now looking at the picture again there are a million tiny things that I only recognize now but hadn’t really realized when the picture was taken. One for example being how gently he is holding the cup and just the tiniest bit covers my hand while doing so (I know it is utterly ridiculous to fangirl about something so small and mundane, but well… that’s just me lol).

#Jibcon #JIB #Jensen Ackles #Photo op #Jensen love club #Jibcon 9 #JIB 9 #Personal #Me #My face #Posts via phone #Can we turn back time to Friday when the con started please?!

Forgive me if this is/sounds slightly wanky, but apparently I have a lot of feelings about Dean and how he is being treated by his parents and how this treatment caused and causes so many of Dean’s issues this morning and I just needed to put them somewhere otherwise I would explode lol. *hides* So this is not a coherent character analysis or whatever, it will likely have its flaws in argumentation but really this is just a spur of emotions bubbling out and not meant as truly anything “meta”.

If these past seasons showed something, then it is that Dean indeed did/does not matter as a person in his own right to any of his parents.

John who shaped Dean’s extreme feelings of needing to protect Sam at all cost and completely ignoring and disregarding Dean and his childhood and what he would have needed and what he from the tender age of 4 onwards basically sacrificed his whole life: Himself.

And then Mary who couldn’t be bothered to give a damn about her older son in S12 either and only as much as started to listen to him when he was trying to save her when he started to talk about Sam. Not himself, not about his scars or traumas. Because he has learnt they don’t matter, they don’t measure up, they are not of interest.

They both, John and Mary, made it perfectly clear that they not only failed as parents, but as simple decent human beings. Because the plain takeaway for Dean all his life must have been: You only matter because of Sam, not because you have value as yourself. We only see and care about you as long as you can make sure Sam is okay.

They never treated Dean as a person really with that, but only a tool. And like I said in my gifset of Dean in conversation with AU!Michael this dehumanization and objectification of Dean goes back a long way and of course falls completely together with Dean’s lack of self worth (and really how should he have gotten any when he only ever was shown the opposite, that he himself indeed is not of worth but only ever in extension to someone else) which really makes Dean’s decision to offer himself up as a vessel - to become a sword in his own words even - and with that turning himself into an object (though he had tried to reject that in seasons prior as talked about in the mentioned gifset as well, but at some point anything’s gut to give...) - not difficult to understand.

Whether it was in S2 when Dean sold his soul to bring Sam back from the dead or in S8/9 when Dean made a deal with an angel to save his brother from certain death which spurred his fall and set up taking on the mark of Cain or now in S13 when he said yes to an archangel because he needed to try and save Sam and Jack from Lucifer: It all foots in this one small but important thing that Dean lacks while his capability to love is so huge: self love and self worth.

But as the series has shown, how could Dean have learnt both of these things when he was taught/shown the opposite from childhood on which is the most formative of time for any kid? Sure, Dean knows people care about him. That Sam does, or Jack and Cas, but I doubt Dean can truly understand that or even believe it, because he went through all his life taking the backseat even though he was sitting behind the wheel, taking care of everyone except himself, because he never knew or experienced or learned that he is of value.

His recklessness and carelessness towards himself can not only be seen when he throws himself head first into fights, but also shows in Dean’s way of coping through drinking and also in smaller things that are played for laughs like the bit about “the cholesterol” for example.

All of these things and aspects paint a very complete, though complex and saddening picture of a man who loves with his heart in his hands but has no love for himself due to how he was raised. And now that man is possessed by an archangel, who again is using Dean as an object, a vehicle, a tool to be able to do what he wants to achieve: destruction. And sadly with that he has found “his perfect vessel”, because if Dean Winchester is well skilled in one department it’s that: not destruction as such but self destruction. And nothing screams that - the disappearance of Dean Winchester - more than an archangel parading around in his body. A body that now is a cage for Dean. And I can just hope and pray that this storyline will be handled with care (lol who am I kidding it won’t be under Dabb) and that this storyline, which will bring about so much more guilt for Dean due to everything Michael may do while Dean is his “sword” - a weapon of mass destruction - will end with not Sam or Cas or Jack or anybody else saving Dean, but Dean being the vital player to take back his agency. Because to me it entails so much more than just Dean being freed from possession, to me it would mean that Dean for once would fight for himself, fight for his own life, because he matters.

Sadly however, I think whatever will come around on screen, there will likely be happening some sort of reversal of all the incidents where Dean was able to get through to his loved ones when they were possessed and came close to killing him, but this time with Dean possessed and possibly seeing Michael strangling his brother, Jack or Cas with his own hands will make him be able to take back control and cast the archangel out. And while the turnaround would work on a narrative level in a weird way to me it would still fall into the same old gap that causes so many of Dean’s issues. Because ultimately Dean snapping out of it would then again not be about a recognition of self worth but an act to save his loved ones, it would again be about someone else and not him. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t want such a scene to play out any other way than Dean pulling through but to me it would negate the entire importance this set up should explore. Therefore I hope we won’t be getting such a scene to “bring Dean back”, but another one that makes it clear that in this moment Dean is fighting simply for himself by recognizing his own worth and in extension also saving the world from AU!Michael.

A girl can dream, right?!

#Dean love club #SPN Meta #Supernatural Meta #Dean Winchester Meta #SPN criticism #Dean Winchester #Possible unpopular opinion #But really I just hate how the show or rather the people around Dean have treated him #And ughhhh I just want him far away from these people #And wrap him in a million hugs and make him understand how beautiful and important he is #Posts via phone

Watched the episode...

...and actually have a few thoughts about it. What a surprise lol. May type them up later. Don’t think it would be very interesting for many though because I think the takeaway for most is something different than what it means to me due to what they want to see and read out of it. :)

#SPN spoilers #14x01 #Stranger in a strange land #Posts no one needs #Posts via phone

I’m gonna make this short and sweet, because that is exactly how this photo op was. Well, Jared obviously was as tall as ever. :) But the moment in itself was very sweet and so was he. There isn’t much to say about the photo really. Just that I brought these sandform toy ice cream cones with me, because I thought they could look cute in picture. :) When Jared saw them he laughed this very recognizable Jared laugh where you can really hear the “ha ha ha”. So I hand him one cone, we turn to each other, look at each other and snap. :)

#Jibcon #JIB #Jared Padalecki #Photo Op #JIB 9 #Jibcon 9 #Me #My face #Let me correct that: my silly face #lol #I just love the height difference between me and Jensen or Jared so much :’)#Posts via phone #From the restaurant #Waiting for dinner lol #Jenny overshares and bores and annoys people

For the first time...

...in about a week I actually went on tumblr to scroll through tags and whatnot for a bit and read around and frankly the amount of wank and hate posts that can be found regarding the convention (I mean you sadly get those every time which is why I never check anything during the con because I just want to enjoy this time completely) is just beyond saddening when you have been at the con and you have experienced first hand what happened and what didn’t happen and how so much of what is said online and discussed or presented as facts is taken out of context or interpreted in a way only to be able to be upset or post wank in relation to either the guests or parts of the fandom.

Of course the about 1000 people who attend this convention all have their own perception of things and their views differ on what matters to them and what stands out to them, that’s perfectly normal and it’s the same thing in any daily life situation, but sometimes it is really interesting to me to see just how drastically views can differ of one and the same moment.

I have been lucky enough to attend JIB quite a few times and I have sadly also experienced the wank online every year when things are taken out of context or simply cannot be understood the same way when just reading a type up in a text post as when you can see those words delivered with your own eyes and get the facial expressions, the tone, etc..

All I can say is that I personally had a great time at JIB and that I didn’t get any bad vibes during the panels towards any of the guests in particular AT ALL. People had fun. So to read the amount of hate online and stories about what went down at panels from supposed shippers of any kind of aisles is just mind blowing to me like for example when I read how there have supposedly been “secretly and evilishly plotted schemes” to make the actors uncomfortable by leaving. Guys, this convention, it has a schedule, in order to get everything done if you booked Photo OPs, etc. you have to leave some panels and it has nothing to do with wanting to teach a certain actor a lesson by doing so. Maybe there are a few who see it that way, but just because I have read about this one thing multiple times and it irks me really, because there is a perfectly good explanation for why people left, I will briefly make a comment on this (even though I have no desire to further write about this whole drama or discuss it in asks or whatnot that is going on online in every possible direction, because I want to cherish these days as I experienced them: As wonderful days).

I have seen the argument (among many other very vile and outright disgusting and hateful comments on various other incidents and people during those JIBcon days) tons of times now how people purposefully supposedly left on Saturday after the J2M Panel to teach Misha who had a solo Panel right afterwards a lesson and make him feel like he doesn’t belong or doesn’t matter, yada yada (First of all, Misha is a grown man, like Jensen and Jared too, they can perfectly handle themselves and their emotions I don’t think it’s nescessary for anyone to jump in on their behalf). Truth is most people - myself included - left that panel in order to queue because during the time of Misha’s solo panel the first Jared photo slot was scheduled, as was Jensen’s first autograph session. So... there was no malicious intent behind that I’d argue for the biggest chunk of people at the convention. I won’t deny there may be a few bad apples included here and there, but overall: Why do people always have to assume the worst of everything?

Anyway, that’s all I will say on this, so please spare yourself the time and energy to write an ask if you are solely looking for an argument, wankfest or fight, you won’t receive a reply. I personally will go back to replay this weekend in my head, look at my photo ops and just be happy about what a wonderful experience it was once again.

#Jibcon #JIB #Jibcon 9 #JIB 9 #PSA #Fandom issues #Posts via phone

Posting my Briana photo op in order to battle all of the emotions of post con blues and dreading having to say goodbye this morning. Originally this photo op is a trio pic with @lemondropsonice but since she prefers to not post pictures of herself on the internet I cropped her out. *hugs to you hun*

I love the pic of Briana with us. We also did one with Alex all themed around the 50s/pin up style look wise as well. As with the other two ops I posted, the quality remains not the best because it’s a pic of a pic taken with my cellphone, but maybe I post all of them again once I scanned them at home or received the jpg files.