Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatahu sister. Jazakallah khair for creating such a beautiful account where sisters can communicate their problems with each other without revealing their identity. Subhanallah! What a technological world we live in! I hope you are okay.
You have also helped me a lot in the past when I had certain doubts and had no person to consult to. Thank you for that. May Allah swt put baraka in your time. Ameen.
I am in my 20's and I wanted to ask this very serious and very very important question to you sister that how am I suppose to find a potential spouse, a husband ?
The problem with me is that I sit in my room 24/7 as my uni classes are off while day dreaming about my "future hubby" that how he is gonna be like? And I often find myself falling into this deception that it's all in my mind. I get scared sometimes and ask Allah swt in sujood to grant me caring pious husband who will be a blessing for me and not a trial. I believe in Allah swt's plan and I have my trust strong too. But sometimes I feel like may be there is no such husband exists (what am I asking for). May be I should stay single and live with my mother and sisters forever (as I love them little too much)
I often find myself asking the question that how am I gonna live without my family once I'm married. Obviously I want both, my family and husband. I am the youngest in my family and my mother spoiled me a lot. But i promise you I'm not a brat. :"D
I also get recommended proposals by my oldest sisi (who is alhamdulillah married) but I back off immediately from that decision of getting married.
Please if you help me out then may be I can start looking for those particular qualities in a husband.
P.s: I am also kinda a bit insecure about the idea of getting married because I have a hearing disability which i didn't had in the past. I got it few years ago due to getting multiple surgies. (Long story short) Now I wear hearing aids. :( My mum often asks me "Who's gonna marry you?" (Not in an offensive way but caring)
I am sorry for frying your brain cells. Stay safe sis.
و عليكم السلام و رحمة اللّٰه و بركاته 🍃
Please please please kindly accept my apology for the delay 🥺🥺
Okay so, I received both asks, read them thoroughly and here are the ideas that gathered in my mind while I read:
a) Patience: Allahuma barik you sound like you have strong faith and that you do trust in Allah's plan, with that trust you need to work on your patience habibty, patience is onr of the most challenging and the toughest skills we have to learn in this duniya, and that is why the reward for the patient is priceless. As human beings in general ( and dreamy girls ) we sometimes want things to happen to us right now, especially if you add in some peer pressure or societal pressure, and the frustration starts to build up .. but it won't solve anything, it will only stress you more. Again, one of the greatest tests we are put through is learning how to building patient and waiting for our rizq, because a spouse is in fact a rizq for the believer, a gift and a blessing from Allah swt, and your rizq will never miss you, in the sense that what is written for you will never go to someone else, what is yours will find you.. which takes me to the second point:
b) Allah's timing: You did mention that you believe in Allah's plan, now you have to also believe in Allah's timing, because yes in deed Allah swt knows what's best for us and has a plan for us, but His divine plan works according to His divine timing, not our humanly timing. An event will happen to you WHEN Allah swt decides that that's the right time for it to happen.. and very often, we don't understand the timeframe, we don't understand why things aren't happening for us right now or why Allah swt is not giving us what we asked and prayed for right now, but when it eventually happens, we'll understand, but for now all we have to do is remain patient, and pray that in shaa Allah it will be worth the wait.
While we remain patient, what can we do? This is my point c:
c) Work on Building and accomplishing other aspects of your life meanwhile: Meaning, while you are waiting to meet the one, you have other things to work on, because the life of a Muslim girl - a slave of Allah swt - is more than just a husband and marriage, you have to work on yourself, learn more and more about our rich religion, if you have learned the Quran Allahuma barik you can learn tafseer or Hadith or other islamic sciences, you can learn things related to your studies or your career, you can learn some interpersonal skills, a new language, develop other skills like cooking or drawing or crocheting or anything you like.. if you're still studying maybe work hard in that, engage in the civil activities, serve your community, be present in your masjid, there is just so much you can do, and it will take your focus on the husband issue all while making you a better person in shaa Allah..
d) The qualities: As for the qualities that should be in a good husband, that is sorta subjective honey, for example, what I would consider as a good quality might not be of preference for you. But there are some characteristics that are universally sought I think: honesty, commitment, empathy, compassion, devotion - all with a good sense of the deen in shaa Allah.
p.s. personal tip: choose someone you don't feel bored around, someone you don't have a problem spending a sick day in bed with, and most importantly someone who makes you feel safe, because the world is scary enough, tiring enough, at least you get to go home to someone who would know how to comfort you and ease your anxieties..
Last but not least, about the hearing thing, I am sorry you feel like it's a defect, it is in fact something that Allah swt gave you as a challenge, you can definitely make it a strength my dear, someone who really appreciates you will think of it as a strength, like " oh MashaAllah look at her, she is still shining and making her way through life even with that challenge.. she is such a strong amazing girl.. " which, you absolutely are!
Look honey, you are what you make of yourself and what you make of what you have. If you treat or perceive yourself as incomplete, if you carry yourself as if something is wrong with you then that's the image people will get about you, but if you carry yourself with all the content and the confidence of someone who is relying on and trusting Allah swt then that's going to be radiating around you 🤍
So I pray that Allah swt ties upon your heart and strengthen your heart to be able to patiently wait for what's written for you, and I pray Allah swt grant you the pious humble gentle kind romantic devoted compassionate husband you dream of 🤍
We can have a further conversation my dear, I just rushed the answer because I know you are waiting for the reply, but please let me know what you think,
