Thoughts on Upstream: Of Power and Time Mary Oliver
As I read the essay, within the first paragraph I interrupt myself at least twice to wonder if my last invoice was paid and did I put sunscreen on Owen before camp this morning.... I guess after reading this I understand the strong reasoning by which I could not have followed in my mother’s footsteps of being an RN. The thought of completing daily work tasks methodically and carefully as people’s lives depended on my accuracy and timeliness has always scared the crap out of me even though I admired my mother’s ability to selflessly and willingly take on these medical tasks and make them her own. The self in me that is reckless and uncontrolled when the ideas rush in definitely presents itself as disorderly, absent-minded and unmanaged at times. Even though I have always been lucky to work in an artistic field, producing ideas and designs for clients that seek creativity for their brand, I always had trouble coming up with my best designs while the rest of my art team members were sitting right next to me, music playing, email reminders dinging, no solitude, no quiet to let the ideas flow freely. I would procrastinate until everyone left and then in a quarter of the time, work out my best ideas in a free flowing and unmanaged atmosphere. Now, when working on this body of work for class, I have had to push myself to stay engaged, not interrupt myself as I work on the floor of my living room–as i know I only have a set amount of time to work each day, every second counts. Unfortunately I can not push aside the part of my self that is run by the clock that sets my responsibilities each day and I am unable to be ‘heedless of social obligations’ without repercussions and some major guilt of neglect and priorities from husband and child. BUT, I do feel like I have learned to remain loyal to my creative self and pursue the adventures that lead me to complete the next piece by stepping out of my comfort zone and pushing myself to take an art studio class after 21 years of not being in a critique or classroom! I’m really happy about this time that has been carved out for me, this time has a name and now exists not only in my physical schedule but also in a section of my self, the place where I hold and remember my ideas that come in at all hours and am able to make them come to life when it’s time.
