♡ of childhood and loose ends
hmjiho:
(...)
“shiah, i know you mean no harm – but you need to believe me when i tell you that i’m alright,” she retorts almost calmly, maintaining the facade. “ – i don’t need to talk about anything so please, just let it go..”
shiah always feels a teeny tiny bit nostalgic when she thinks of her childhood. she remembers them all: the kids who played with her only so they would be liked by her teacher father and get better marks, the kids who would spend so much time with her on the streets and then suddenly start ignoring her in the class for no reason (at least reasons unknown to her) at all. she would never believe that people at such a young age would really only befriend someone to take disadvantage of them, to get further in life – but it did happen to her and she would only realize it much, much later.
jiho, however, was never anything like them. of course, there was a downside to such a perfect friendship – she was never always there, because she didn’t live in marigold and only came to visit her grandparents once in a while, but she would look for shiah every single time she was here and that was more than enough for the girl. surely she could wait for her – she would wait forever, even, if needed, and shiah often found herself hanging around the place of jiho’s grandparents whenever the girl was gone, up to the point where sometimes the grandma would have to come out and tell her to go home because it was getting late.
so when she found out that jiho would be moving here, shiah was obviously as happy as a sand-boy and she wouldn’t keep calm on her butt she wanted to meet her so much and welcome her in the town, until her boss quietly noted that it’s quite unusual for her to suddenly move here and that it’s suspicious; that made her think, and shiah’s guts told her something bad must have happened. still, being the optimistic little princess she was, she didn’t think of it too much.
however, when she couldn’t meet jiho for quite a while for whatever reasons (accident? purposefully avoiding her? she wouldn’t know), things got a bit fishy for shiah, too and when they finally saw each other, even she, someone bad at understanding people’s emotions, could see that sorrow and something bad lay behind those wrinkled eyes and sparkling smile. perhaps this was one perk of being such close friends – but wasn’t talking to each other about problems another, too?
because jiho wouldn’t. no matter how many summers and years they had spent together, jiho wouldn’t want to talk to shiah about anything and it shouldn’t, but it hurts, and she just doesn’t know what to do about the unpleasant feeling lingering in her chest. should she really just not push it? but what if she secretly wants to talk about it and this is the exact push she needs? everytime shiah would try to find a solution, her head feels like exploding from too much thinking and that never has any pleasant outcome.
“i’m sorry,” she finally says, half-giving up. she sucks air in through gritted teeth before squeezing her lips and then letting it all out. “i’m sorry, i’ll stop interrogating you then. you know i’m always here if you ever change your mind though, right?” she reaches out, her fingers looking for jiho’s hands and she holds them if the other lets her. “something might have happened to you but our friendship will never change! i’ll always love you the most, you know, right!”