So this is where I go when I need to let it all. All of the emotions of my thoughts, everything; everything that I need to let go of or process. First off I'm crying as I type this because my sister when in for her annual this week and her doctor found cancerous cells on her cervix, I still can't fully believe it or even begin to comprehend it. Cancer...why cancer? Why my sister? And why is this the catalyst to make me realize how much I love her? Why is this the event that will bring us back together? I know I have said that in the past I hate her and that she is such a bitch, but she is still my sister and she doesn't deserve cancer...no one deserves cancer. NO ONE. This isn't about our past this is about staying positive and working towards being sisters again. Sisters that talk, sisters that can communicate without getting mad at each other. Sisters that don't go six months without talking. So this is my pledge I'm going to work at this relationship. I'm going to start making an effort. Life is too short to hate, too short to hold grudges and too short to not love the family I was blessed with. So Tumblr. community please band together with me and pray for my sister, Abby, help me, help her stay positive, we can't be negative right now. We need to stay positive so no matter the results of the test we can band together and fight the outcome.
Also it is scary to think that I have a lot of the same symptoms of her...fatigue, pelvic pain...the list goes on. The what if's are driving me crazy right now. I can't handle not knowing what is wrong with me, I have had a couple of doctors tell me I have ovarian cysts but they are not for sure. And I don't have an appointment with my obstetrician until the 23rd. I have a bad feeling that these what if's are going to be the thing that drives me over the edge. I'm not trying to be selfish here and take the focus off my sister, I am focusing all my energy on her so that is what I am asking you guys to do as well. Pray for her but please also add a little prayer in there for me.
School is the last thing I need to be worrying about right now but with two weeks until finals I have no choice but to stick it out down here when all I want to do is go home and be with my family, the people I love the most. The people I care about the most. I'm so close to saying screw school and going home but I know I can't do that. So God please give me the strength to endure and make it through these last few weeks of the semester.
It amazes me how much better letting it all out on here makes me feel. A place where I won't get judged for what I say. I love this Tumblr. community, I truly do.