“ i kept dreaming of the day you'd come back. then hours turned to days, turned into months and–fuck, emily. do you know how hard it was for me? having to pretend that you were actually dead? i felt sick every single day, i could barely eat or sleep, just wondering if you were safe... i couldn't let myself even think about you like... i don't– ” shaking her head a little too vigorously, liquid burning in her eyes as they spill down her face without warning, unable to contain everything she's stuffed deep within and kept suppressed for far too many months. once the gates had been opened, there was no turning back. it was all coming to the surface, it was all becoming far too much. fingers come to her own chest, pressing above where the organ beats out of rhythm, threatening to burst through her chest and decorate the place with her guts and organs. “ i couldn't think of you in the same way that ros– ” her chest lifts, the tightness growing inside, she can't seem to catch her breath without a sharp pain shooting through her, reminding her of all that she's lost. “ spencer wouldn't leave my place, and it felt unfair. he was grieving you, and i couldn't. i wouldn't let myself. ” every part inside of her had ached, becoming unbearable as she tried to busy herself. nothing had worked. nothing, nobody, ever could.
“ he was a distraction. that's all he was. ” she takes a tentative step forward, brows pulled together as liquid sticks to her face, each piece of her shattered heart barely holding itself together. “ except he couldn't distract me, because you're the only person that ever could. you're the one i can't stop thinking about, no matter how hard i try. you take up so much space inside me. ” your corner in my mind is well established. she doesn't notice her own hands flattening out against her chest when she speaks, practically pleading to emily where the woman would always reside. jj wants to close the gap between them, hold the older woman as tightly as she possibly could. (ensure she never let her go, that she didn't have to go without her again) though, with that comes the possibility of rejection – and jj isn't so sure she could sustain that level of pain. after all, it was emily elizabeth prentiss that was capable of breaking her heart, capable of taking what remained and letting it be discarded into the depths of despair. there'd be no possibility of her picking up the tiny remnants, there'd be nothing left. “ i'm in love with you. i love you. you have to believe me, emily. ”
