beautiful | pride!au
wc: 628
requested: yes, by @punksarahreese
prompt: one word prompts, “beautiful”
pairing: reesker
warnings: internalised homophobia, anxiety
Sarah wakes to the smell of fresh coffee and the sound of someone moving around somewhere else in the apartment, and knows immediately that she’s not at home. The sheets are softer than Sarah’s used to, and the light streaming in through the window is different as well. It’s brighter, more golden than it ever is in her apartment, no matter the time of day, and as she lies there, basking in the warmth of it, she notices that even the traffic outside sounds different.
She’s alone for a few more minutes, watching the fish swim around in the tank in the corner, when finally the bedroom door is pushed open, and Ava appears with two mugs of coffee. Her hair’s pulled up in a messy bun, something Sarah’s not sure she’s ever seen on her, and even with her mascara slightly smudged under each eye and no makeup anywhere else, she’s still strikingly beautiful.
Ava’s always beautiful.
“Black, two sugars, right?” Sarah nods and thanks Ava as she takes the mug that’s offered to her, and it’s not until she’s taken the first few sips that she sits back to look at the mug properly.
It’s a beige colour, part of a body from the waist down to the mid-thighs, and when she looks over at Ava, she realises she’s got the top half. She’s absentmindedly running her thumb over the breasts, and Sarah’s not sure if she should be horrified or turned on.
“A gift from my mum,” she explains when she catches Sarah staring. “They were her way of letting me know she accepts me in all my lesbian glory.”
“They’re- they’re cute.”
“I’ll tell her.”
They settle into a comfortable silence, both happy to just be there with the other. Ava rests her head on Sarah’s shoulder, stroking her finger along her collarbones, and the intimacy of it makes Sarah’s chest ache.
This is all new to her - hooking up with someone, hooking up with a woman, having someone make her coffee the morning after - and she’s not sure what she’s supposed to do. She doesn’t know what to say, how to act, and as she sips her coffee, she can feel herself starting to spiral.
All of the thoughts from the night before come rushing back, the anxious self-loathing she’d managed to suppress long enough to get into bed with Ava, and suddenly her chest is a little tighter and her legs don’t feel entirely there. This was a mistake, trying to pretend she doesn’t disgust herself was a mistake, and all she knows is that she has to get out of here.
“Where are my clothes? I need - I need my clothes.”
She doesn’t wait for a reply from Ava before untangling herself from the sheets and stumbling out of the bed. With shaky hands, she puts the half-empty mug down on the nightstand and grabs at whichever clothes she can find on the floor. A shirt, a pair of pants, and then another pair of pants that look identical to the ones she’s holding.
Everything looks the same, and as her vision blurs with tears, all she can do is sink down onto the rug at her feet and stare hopelessly at the clothes around her.
Within seconds, Ava’s by her side with a blanket, and she gently places it around Sarah’s shoulders, offering her the privacy she so obviously wants. It doesn’t feel like a lot, and Ava wishes she could do more, but the way Sarah melts into the blanket and leans against her tells her that this is enough, at least for now.
For the next few minutes, the two of them sit on the floor together and ride this out. Ava rubs her hand up and down Sarah’s arm as she cries, and when the tears start to slow, she holds her as tightly as she can and whispers reassurances in her ear. They can talk later, if that’s what Sarah wants, but for now, it’s all about making sure she’s okay.
All Ava wants is for her to be okay.
