#prince primus

[fortheloveofaminorcharacter]

The Stormhold Princes in Stardust (2007)

[yougetoneshot]

Stardust: Royal Pains

Chapter 1: Blood Moon

Summary:

Two mysterious figures resurrect all of the Stormhold princes but they come back in the wrong bodies.

Warnings:

All of the princes’ bodies are exactly as they were when they died. Elements of body horror associated with their injuries will be present.

Notes:

Based on events from the 2007 film- not the book. The Stormhold family is Fey and all have unique Fey traits. None of the traits or ages are canon.

Primus: 58 (Killed at 58). Badger Fey. Has tripes down his back, smells like parchment and wax, and super strength when angry. Sixth to die. Throat slit in bathtub by the witch Lamia. Possessor cannot talk.

Secundus: 52 (Killed at 52). Platypus Fey. He has webbed toes, smells like almond butter, and can speak to animals. Fourth to die by Septimus pushing him off a balcony. Body is completely unusable.

Tertius: 48 (Killed at 48). Fish Fey. Has gills, smells like fresh brownies, and can teleport. Fifth to die. Poisoned by Septimus. Possessor suffers from shortness of breath and random intense chest pains.

Quartus: 46 (Killed at 34). Bird Fey. Has a feathered spine, smells like mint, and darkvision. The second to die frozen to death in a freezer at the hands of Secundus. Possessor is constantly shivering.

Quintus: 42 (Killed at 28). Dragon Fey. Has small bat wings, smells like sandalwood, and can breathe fire. The first prince to die in his bed with an axe to the head from Septimus. Possessor suffers from memory loss and impaired mental capabilities.

Sextus: 40 (Killed at 35). Lizard Fey. Has a lizard’s tail, smells like coffee, and can camouflage. 3rd to die. Killed in a fire set by Septimus. Possessor cannot touch things without part of their skin sticking to it.

Septimus: 38 (Killed at 38). Shark Fey. Has a second hidden row of sharp teeth, smells like the ocean, and never sleeps. Last to die and was drowned via voodoo doll by the witch Lamia. Sustained fire damage, piercing and slashing wounds to the chest along with a broken leg and arm. Body is partially unusable and possessor struggles with breathing.

Una: 42. Una and Quintas are fraternal twins. Traded off by Septimus to Ditchwater at the age of 27. Has cat ears she hides under her hair, smells like lavender, and has the ability to charm any man that gets close. Still living.

Chapter 1: Blood Moon

Amidst rubble and broken glass, buried beneath a heavy chandelier lay the body of Prince Septimus. Only a matter of hours had passed since his death and partial reanimation at the hands of Lamia the witch. Over the chandelier, two cloaked figures stood and lifted it off his corpse.

“You’re sure this is one of the princes?” The taller of the two figures whispered.

“I’m sure. Let’s get the body and put it with the others.” The shorter replied while grabbing Septimus at the shoulders to start lifting.

“We have all seven now?” The other lifted his feet.

“Yes. Now we can commence reanimation.” They took the body out to a wagon and set it in the back next to six other bodies. The two figures rubbed their hands together as a cool wind whipped their cloaks about and a red moon rose in the distance.

“Quickly. There isn’t much time.”

The wagon was pulled into a large clearing where a circle was formed of seven large stones painted with varying symbols surrounding a pedestal holding an iridescent crystal.

“Now, we just set them by the correct stone and their bodies will reanimate at the height of the blood moon.”

“How do we know which stone goes to which body?” The taller cloaked figure looked around at the stones.

“…I thought you knew that?”

“No, I thought you knew that?!”

“Why would I know that?!”

“You painted the stones!”

“Yea but I wasn’t told what the symbols mean!”

“Well, I’m sure it won’t be a problem to guess.. we were just hired to bring them back. The boss didn’t say they had to be in the correct bodies, right?”

“Right. Now let’s move them.” The two cloaked figures moved the bodies, all in varying degrees of decay, positioned with their heads just below the stones and their feet at the base of the pedestal in the middle of the circle. As the crimson moon rose directly over the circle, the crystal and paintings on the stones lit up crimson red and the bodies underneath them began to rise into the air. They floated for a moment before illuminating and falling back to the ground with thuds.

“..did it work?” One of the cloaked figures looked around at the bodies as the other pointed and moved towards the body of Quintus.

“That one moved.”

The two slowly moved to the body as it suddenly sprang up with a loud gasp and wide eyes set on the two cloaked figures as they screamed in surprise.

“Would you quiet down! I’ve got a splitting headache-“

The two figures exchanged looks as Quintus suddenly stood up and walked over to the body of Septimus. He stood over it as Septimus sat up spewing out water with pained gasps before looking up surprised.

“Quintus? You’re alive?”

“..I’m not Quintus.”

“You sure look like Quintus to me- wait… why do I sound like-“

“Septimus? Because I’m Septimus and that’s my body.”

“Septimus?! Why am I you and why are you Quintas?!”

“Who are you?”

“Primus.”

“I think I preferred the witch controlling my body.” Septimus rolled his eyes as he held his- or rather Quintas’s- head. He grimaced as his fingers felt a large axe shaped hole in his head. “What is happening?”

“I think they know.” Primus pointed to the cloaked figures watching them. He attempted to stand but yelped as his -or rather Septimus’s- right leg wouldn’t bear any weight. Primus moved to touch it but found Septimus’s right arm was broken in multiple places as well. “What didn’t the witch break?” He groaned as he decided to just sit in despair at his condition.

“Maybe we should have asked which bodies went with the different stones.” The taller cloaked figure mused out loud as the brothers began reanimating one by one- not a single one in the correct body.

“Too late for that now. Let’s just get them back to the boss.” The smaller one gestured to the wagon as they spoke to the group of resurrected princes. “Please climb into the wagon and we will take you home.”

The princes groaned as they complained about their swapped bodies that were still in various stages of deterioration. Primus sat grumpily in Septimus’s broken body while Secundus- shivering in Quartus’s frostbitten body- tried to help him to the wagon. Tertius fumed as he tried to speak out of the body of Primus but to no avail as the slash to his throat had cut the vocal cords. Sextus, who possessed Tertius’s body, stared at his own charred body that was possessed by Quintas and sighed in relief that he got one of the few healthier bodies instead of his own. Quintas was smiling ear to ear at Septimus having to endure the splitting headache from the axe blow he’d delivered to kill Quintas while he was sleeping- a well deserved irony in his humble opinion. Both Quintas and Sextus had to help Quartus as he had the misfortune of possessing Secundus’s body, which had taken a rather lengthy fall from the top of Stormhold tower and broken every bone in his body. Once all of the princes had managed to climb on or be helped into the wagon, the cloaked figures began the journey to Stormhold castle.

[dragonborndigitalart]

And that’s when Quintus took an axe to the head.

Bonus

[charliethomascoxuniverse]

Okay but that first pic has me suddenly randomly thinking how cute Charlie’s and Jason Flemyng’s longtime friendship is. 😊 

Who’s Jason Flemyng (some of you are no doubt asking)? Why, Tristan Thorn’s Uncle Primus of course! (see above) So not long after the release of Stardust (2007), Charlie was doing a play for a children’s charity, Cinderella: The Shoe Must Go On!, and called up his on-screen uncle asking for a favour. “Yes, of course, anything!” Jason went. 

The favour: playing Cinderella’s evil stepmother in drag. Which of course he did. (see photographic evidence above) 😂

Then a decade later came another call, Jason this time, with news that he was directing his first movie and did Charlie want to play a vampire? Well, we all know the answer to that. 😄

[hitchell-mope]

So I rewatched stardust last night

And because my brain will never allow me peace. I’ve thought up a fancast should the book ever get readapted to tv

Amir Wilson. Tristan

Daniel Anthony. Dunstan.

Jenna Coleman. Una

Emily Joanna Carey. Yvaine

Amy Adams. Lamia

Sylvester McCoy. King of Stormhold

Matt Smith. Septimus

Hugh Jackman. Shakespeare

Tom Hiddleston. Primius

Jim Howick. Ferdy the fence

[yougetoneshot]

Stardust: Royal Pains

Chapter 2: Danse Macabre

Summary of Body Swaps:

Primus - Septimus (Can’t walk)

Secundus - Quartus (Constantly Shivering)

Tertias - Primus (Can’t talk)

Quartus - Secundus (Can’t move)

Quintus - Sextus (Can’t touch anything or their skin will stick to it)

Sextus - Tertius (Intense chest pains and shortness of breath)

Septimus - Quintus (Memory impaired)

Chapter 1

The seven brothers glared at each other in tense silence for a while. Secundus, who currently possessed Quartus, finally spoke up through his intense shivering.

“W-what k-kind of m-m-ma-magic can d-do thissss?!”

“The ironic kind?” Quartus smirked from Secundus’s broken body.

“How are any of us living right now?” Primus frowned through Septimus’s brows. “These bodies are broken- some more than others.” He’d look over at the body of Secundus.

“I don’t mind. I can’t feel any of it.” Quartus gave a self satisfied smirk from Secundus’s body. “Besides, whoever hired these goons to bring us back must know a way to fix us.”

“Even if they do, I’ll just have to kill you all again seeing as I’m king now.” The other brothers looked over to Septimus possessing Quintus’s body.

“You’re n-n-not king.” Secundus growled.

“I found the stone. I’m king.”

“Septimus, you’re dead. Our nephew, Tristan is king.” Primus explained.

“Who is Tristan?! Which one of you had a son?!”

“Una. Don’t you remember?”

“Of course I remember… who is Una?”

“I think that axe wound might be treating your memory poorly.” Quintus smirked from Sextus’s body.

“What axe wound?” He lifted a hand to feel the gaping hole in his head then back down at his hands before looking over at his body staring at him. “Why is my body looking at me?!”

“Because our souls are in the wrong bodies. I’m Primus.”

“Why did it have to be you?” Septimus grumbled and Primus sighed heavily.

“Why couldn’t you have been in my body- then you’d at least be quiet.” Primus looked over at his body who he knew from process of elimination must be possessed by Tertius who was glaring at him angrily.

“Una has a son?” Septimus whispered and shook his head. “I traded Una to a witch over a decade ago how does she have a son?”

“You sold off Una?!” All the other brothers glared at him.

“..what? I didn’t kill her.”

“We all loved Una, how could you do that?!”

“Because you loved her! She made us all soft! I never could have killed Quintus if she stayed around.”

“Una didn’t deserve that, Septimus. Your quarrel was with us, not her.” Primus frowned and Septimus became even more irritable at his own face glaring at him.

“I should have killed her.”

“If you had, we’d all be stuck as ghosts right now.” Sextus growled from Tertias’s body.

“As opposed to these broken bodies?!” Septimus growled back before clutching his head and blinking a few times before looking up at Primus.

“..why is my body looking at me?”

“Oh here we go again.” The other brothers groaned.

“Keep it down back there. We’re approaching the castle.” One of the cloaked figures yelled back to them. “We don’t need to concern anyone with you all looking.. like that.”

The princes grumbled but all silently agreed they did not want to be seen in their current states. The wagon was pulled into the castle and escorted to the royal stables. The cloaked figures came around to the back of the wagon once it was stopped. “Alright, let’s go.”

Septimus furrowed his brow at the cloaked figure and saw the stone they were holding. “That’s my stone!” He reached for the crystal but the cloaked figure backed up just out of his reach. Septimus leapt from the back of the wagon, bat wings unfurling from his back and fire slipping out the side of his mouth as he snarled. “Give me the stone!”

“Oh no, he’s going full dragon.” Quintus looked over at Primus. “You’ll have to stop him before he gets too heated and burns the place down!”

Primus barked at his brother as he painfully drug himself to the edge of the wagon. “Septimus! That’s not the stone!”

Septimus turned around and furrowed his brow. “Who are you?!” He stormed towards Primus and lifted him from the wagon and shoved him against the nearest wall.

“I’m your brother! Primus!”

“You expect me to believe that?!” Septimus spat small sparks of flame.

Primus grabbed onto Septimus’s arm and looked over to Quintus who nodded. “Sorry brother.” He bit hard into Septimus’s arm- which was really Quintus’s. Septimus howled as he was bitten by his own body, feeling the sharp pain of his second layer of teeth. The cloaked figures came over to help Primus but as the did, a burst of flame shot out of Septimus’s mouth and into the air. The crystal one of them had been holding fell to the ground and shattered causing all the princes to fall unconscious to the ground.

“Well… that went well.” The shorter cloaked figure quipped.

“Let’s just get them inside before they cause any more trouble.”

[dragonborndigitalart]

The Stormhold Princes

[hitchell-mope]

Stardust descendants au

Doug. Tristan Thorne

Evie. Yvaine

Audrey. Lamia

Harry. Septimus

Hades. Shakespeare

Chad. Primus