"Tomorrow is the First of May. In the office of the secret police one of the officers, smiling sweetly, said to me, “Do you know that we are rounding up lots of your people before your celebration?” Today I was approached by the gendarme, Colonel Ivanenko, who wanted to know if I was a confirmed Social-Democrat and if I would be willing to work for him. “Maybe you’ve become disappointed?” he queried. I asked him if he had ever heard the voice of conscience, whether he had ever had the feeling that he was serving an evil cause...
...
I had another visit from the colonel today. I trembled all over when I saw him, I felt as if a disgustingly slimy creature were creeping over my body. He politely informed me that my case had been transferred to the military court and that the indictment had already been sent to me. He expressed regret that the case had been taken from the jurisdiction of the Court of Justice and assured me that the military court very often delivered juster verdicts and less severe sentences than the Court of Justice. He inquired if I had books, asked about the food and added that it would not be a bad idea to have a theater in the prison. When I again asked him if he had ever had a conscience, he replied in a sympathetic and mournful voice saying that I wasn’t quite myself. Throughout this not very long conversation I had the feeling of a snake creeping over me, circling my body and clinging to me. I had no fear, I knew that I would come out of the trial all right. But I was physically repelled and felt that I wanted to vomit. I returned to my cell conscious that I no longer had the strength to maintain my usual peace of mind. I had the feeling that I was covered with dirt, human dirt… Evil, like red hot tongs, seizes and roasts the body of the living man and blinds him. It darkens the whole world, filling every particle, every breath and every atom with pain, excruciating pain. Andreyev has described war as being insane and monstrous; but life is a hundred times worse; and not only the life here in the dungeons, but life generally."
- Felix Dzerzhinsky, entry from April 29, 1908, Prison Diaries and Letters. Paris: Foreign Languages Press, 2023. p. 26, 29-30.













