Poster advertising La vache qui rit or The Laughing Cow processed cheese (c. 1950). Artwork by Benjamin Rabier.

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Poster advertising La vache qui rit or The Laughing Cow processed cheese (c. 1950). Artwork by Benjamin Rabier.
The latest little experiment: some Velveeta-ish. This batch was made with odds and ends of cheese we had--including the Cheddarlike local hushållsost ("household cheese"), fairly sharp Edam that turned crumbly as hell after I stashed it in the freezer, and a little bit of Port Salut.
Roughly following this recipe:
Unlock the secret to that impossibly smooth, velvety cheese that melts into a luscious, gooey dream. Unleash your inner cheesemaker with thi
But not totally, due to the person I am.
That does call for an excessive-sounding amount of sodium citrate. I used 2 teaspoons, and it was still probably more than enough. I also added more cheese than called for, because it looked like it needed it. (Then it got too thick, so I had to add more milk, and...) Anyway, even my reduced amount of 2 tsp. was more than enough emulsifier for a bigger batch than they're saying. But, it's all good.
If you haven't picked up any sodium citrate, which gives you the smooth melting in "processed" cheeses? It's easy to make with either citric acid or lemon juice, and some baking soda. (That's it, that's the scary chemical!)
Better instructions on that here, with measurements using lemon juice:
ForMyKids Tidbits
FFS, don't follow the cheese recipe suggestion of subbing vinegar for lemon juice. That'll give you sodium acetate (from the acetic acid)--which really won't hurt you either, but won't do what you want here.
Also, the pot will look like a real PITA to clean the setting-up cheese goop out of. But, put it on to soak with hot water for an hour or two, and it'll come right off.
Let’s play pick-a-sandwich. Ad for Kraft Processed Cheddar Cheese products - 1968.
Cheese and crackers
ms paint sketches from today’s 3-hour online math class (ngl it was so boooring i almost fell asleep 😴💤)
i mean all cheese is processed
you don’t find cheese hanging from the vine or rolling around a pasture
1970s Land O’Lakes processed cheese block, extra smooth
Me, a chef, hears about “St. Louis-style pizza” for the first time. Googles it.