Now with 60% less rambling. Yes, I just made that up. Note: I cannot respond to messages 90+% of the time, and it's absolutely nothing personal. If I could turn it off completely, I would. Please don't make things awkward. Urocyon's Meanderings The Gluten-Free Southern Cook
the wisdom ive learnt is that becoming part of a friend group 1) takes a long time and 2) involves a lot of feeling awkward and left out at first. there’s nothing terrible about this but if you grew up chronically lonely or have any kind of trauma relating to social isolation this likely feels Really Wrong and activates danger signals. but both fortunately and unfortunately it’s just how becoming close to new people works most of the time
another thing that was not intuitive to me as someone who grew up an autistic loner: basically everyone on the planet is starved for connection all the time and almost everything people do is an attempt to reach out to another. most seemingly illogical interactions and behaviours can be explained by this. you have to take as many of these invitations as you can. even if you're wrong you still attempted to bring more warmth into the world
"But it's not FOR them!!!" The biggest military power in the world belongs to a christofascist nation overseen by a felon found guilty of 34 federal crimes and has greenlit a gestapo with more direct funding than the entire military of Canada for the purpose of ethnic cleansing. Let Hetero Jessica throw some biodegradable glitter at a municipal parade
At this point if anyone is trying to exclude anyone benignly pro-queer from a pro-queer space I'm just going to assume you're a fed or something idk like something something destabilize the movement from within or whatever
Speaking as a cishet white guy, one of the common things bigots say is that [minority] hates us and wants us dead
I can assure you that Hetero Jessica has heard that and you have two options:
You can confirm it by kicking her out of your space for being of the same demographic as the people hating you
Or you can show the decency you want to see and prove to her that the bigots are lying to her. This will gain you an ally that is likely to tell homophobe uncle fred that he's full of shit and give uncertain cousin Stacy the chance to hear a different perspective. And if uncertain Stacy is closeted then Jessica could have the resources to put her in contact with people who can help.
You have allies that are part of the demographic that is oppressing you and we want to be used by you (we're just not always sure what will be helpful because we haven't lived what you're going through)
In Copenhagen you can visit The Round Tower. It used to be an astronomical observatory until light pollution and the vibrations from increased traffic in the streets made it useless for its original purpose.
Today it’s mostly famous for what it looks like on the inside.
It has an equestrian staircase though it’s so smooth it’s really just a gentle slope more than a staircase. It was build like that so our lazy bum king could ride his horse all the way to the top (king not in photo)
And naturally people have also driven cars up the tower
And held a bike race
For a while it was just sort of abandoned by the authorities and became a sloping marketplace
But today it has been restored and become a tourist spot as well as a popular destination for school trips. And yes, you can still watch the cosmos at the top.
Once when I was in undergrad, someone described something as “problematic” in class and our professor was like, “That’s cool, but ‘problematic’ doesn’t really mean anything. It means that the thing you’re describing has a problem, and in and of itself that’s not bad. Art, especially, should always have problems, or else it’s not interesting and not art, either. It sounds like you’re trying to say that this is bad, but you don’t want to say ‘bad.’ Is that right?”
So from then on whenever one of us called something problematic, he would make us talk it out until we could name the “bad” thing we were hinting at. In this particular class, 7/10 it was some type of oppression, and the remainder was like, “I’m uncomfortable because this is very new/confusing/pushing boundaries that made me feel safe.”
Once we stopped calling things “problematic” and stopping at that, class got way more interesting and... we all had to say, like, “that’s racist” or “that’s misogynistic” or “ew capitalism gross” out loud, which a lot of us had never done in a classroom before. Or we had to be like, “Uhhh... I’m not sure what’s so bad?” and confront our own beliefs and that was maybe even more useful.
Anyway. Whenever I see the word problematic, I can’t help but think of this professor being like, “Good starting point, now let’s get specific.” I think when we have to commit to saying “that’s ___” it requires a lot more careful thought about the truth and impact and complexities of whatever we’re claiming. Sometimes there really is some bullshit afoot, and also sometimes it’s art, and it should be full of problems, because that’s what art is.
#'this is present in the text' is often a good first step #but those second and third ones (naming it; describing its function) are vital (via @elucubrare)
This is something I have also observed, and it forms part of a wider idea in my consciousness about the obscuring and blurring effect of euphemisms. At work, I will sometimes push back against the use of 'issue' as a euphemism for 'problem'. I am an analyst - a data analyst, that is, not a psychoanalyst. I understand that the latter is where this particular thing originated, although it's since wandered far from home.
As an analyst, a key part of my work is to be able to identify problems, correct them, and give business advice to reduce the risk of the same problems happening again. In short, one of the things we do is to make problems go away.
To do this, we have to be willing to describe problems; to describe them as problems; to describe why they are problems; and then to identify where they come from and deal with them. You cannot solve problems by avoiding talking about them explicitly.
Art does not need to have its problems solved. But unless we are willing to face them, and the discomfort they may cause us, we will not know if they are that sort of problem, or the other sort.
Another euphemism which has recently appeared in my workplace is 'challenge'. I'm fine with challenges - making them, receiving them, facing them. But my new boss will not use the word 'disability' to describe my medical situation. I do - both because I do, in fact, find it disabling, and because I wish to stand firm in the legal position that it is a disability in the (increasingly vulnerable) sense of UK equalities law. But he always calls it - and other disabilities, in other contexts - a 'challenge'.
My concern about my new boss' terminology is twofold. Firstly, I think it's reasonable for me to be afraid that a manager who will not call my condition a disability will also not respect it legally as one either. But secondly - and pertinently to the earlier part of this post - I am concerned because of the problem-solving implication.
'Challenge' implies something that you confront, and overcome. Maybe in the process you make an inspiring TikTok or have an Establishing Character Moment. You grow , and the challenge is left in the dust. 'Disability', in current UK law, means a condition that has lasted or is likely to last at least 12 months and has a significant impact on your ability to go about your daily life. It doesn't lie in the dust; it goes around with you.
I think that I largely regard my disability as a problem in the artistic sense - because I am able to treat it adequately, it's just a feature of who I am. But repeated frustrating interactions with the boss, as I seek to get appropriate accomodations for my disability, are leading me to believe that he views my disability - and me, when I talk about it instead of letting him ignore it - as the sort of problem you solve, and it goes away.
The beginning of wisdom is to call things by their proper name. - Proverb, paraphrasing a line in chapter 13 of the Analects of Confucius
If you're trying to tell someone that something they did inadvertedly hurt your feelings, and they treat this conversation like a debate where their goal is to successfully argue that they did nothing wrong, and that you have no right to feel upset, that's your cue that you should give up trying to have any kind of a real, genuine relationship with them. Everyone will sometimes end up doing something that you hadn't realised would upset someone you care about, you can't be constantly aware of every single thing at all times. But turning the following conversation into an argument of uncompromisingly justifying and defending their actions is a sign you shouldn't ignore.
They don't think that upsetting you is the problem. What they have a problem with is you thinking you deserve better than how they want to treat you.
While I ultimately agree so I'm reblogging, just adding an additional perspective of my own:
It might not be so malicious a motivation. Instead of having a problem with "you thinking you deserve better than how they want to treat you," it could be zero percent about you and 100% about them in their mind (even ifthey can'tconsciously express this). It could be that the problem they have with this situation is the idea that they're doing harm, ESPECIALLY the idea that they're doing harm when they think they aren't.
I've met plenty of people that fall into this alternative category, where they ONLY see how hard they're trying, how stressed they are, how "good" of a person they're striving to be (from their worldview), and then they're told that - no - in fact they are hurting someone. Which can sound like "you are wrong, you are bad, you do bad things, and this has always been true and will always be true" so they get defensive and reactive.
All that is to say, the end result is the same: they may debate and defend instead of purposefully listen to your needs. YOU don't have to be the one to try to walk them through "how to calmly listen to someone without becoming defensive" or "how to reasonably accept criticism and talk through interpersonal issues" either way.
The Minotaur was named that because he was the son of King Minos. Anyone with a bull head has to be named after their dad, like the Kyletaur or something.
RIP Marjane Satrapi, author of the amazing graphic novels Persepolis about living during the fundamentalist revolution in Iran in the 70’s and 80’s. She also created the animated movie based on the graphic novels, which is where these gifs come from.
noteworthy that they literally had a mask on me hooked up to a tank pumping narcotics into my lungs through all this, and my body temperature was like 34°. I would have been doing well to just have both eyes pointed in the same direction
Transphobia is about to be signed into law in the UK. We can fight this.
I am begging the UK trans community and its allies to attend the Mass Lobby at Parliament on June 25th, 11am-4pm, organised by Trans Solidarity Alliance.
Last year we broke the record for an LGBT+ mass lobby of Parliament. Will you help us break it again? Join us on 25th June 2026 to demand be
The new EHRC Code of Practice pushes trans people out of toilets, hospital wards, and community spaces. It normalises gender policing based on appearance and stereotypes. It becomes statutory guidance in the UK by the end of June.
Trans people are now legally their assigned gender at birth and must join gendered spaces accordingly, but if they are perceived as their lived gender, they can also be ejected from those spaces. The guidance says: either break the law, or don’t pass too well.
A mass lobby is where you invite your MP to discuss your concerns with you in-person. Ask your MP to:
Demand full parliamentary scrutiny, debate, and use their free vote on the EHRC Code of Practice.
Support any motions rejecting the EHRC guidance. As of June 4th, Labour MP Nadia Whittome has submitted a prayer motion - Early Day Motion 240.
Write to Bridget Phillipson, the Minister for Women and Equalities about our concerns
Your MP does not have to be an ally, they do not have to respond to your email for you to show up and greencard them (details below the cut.) What matters is that as many people as possible show up.
I cannot stress this enough: Showing up in person matters. It is much more effective than petitions, emails, and letters.
It is a horrible, stressful time, and I am so sorry if you're trans and live in the UK. But I was at last year's mass lobby and the line for greencarding alone stretched around the back gates. It was a record breaking mass lobby and made us impossible to ignore. Let's do even better this time. Details under the cut:
Worried about what to say?
Bring your personal worries about transphobia being signed into law, and trans friends being excluded from public spaces. You are a living person who deserves dignity. Remind your MP of that. You will also get guidance and brochures from Trans Solidarity Alliance that outlines our demands. This is mine from last year.
Money issues?
Trans Solidarity Alliance provides a travel bursary that you can sign up for via the link.
Got a refusal or no response from your MP?
Come anyway! You can request a same-day appointment with your MP through a process called greencarding. They will come and see you if they’re already in Parliament. Even if they don’t, they’re made acutely aware of your cause because you showed up in person. This is my greencard from last year.
Here is the EHRC Code of Practice in full. It's a tough read, but some highlights are:
Organisations can’t provide trans-inclusive, single-sex services, or they risk being sued for discrimination.
e.g. domestic violence support for women including trans women, men’s rugby group including trans men (12.68).
Trans people will have nowhere safe to pee.
If you’re a trans man, businesses can't allow you to pee in the men's, and you can also be ejected from women’s bathrooms if you’re perceived as a man. Vice versa for trans women. EHRC suggests a ‘third space’ bathroom, which is discriminatory and unworkable for most businesses. (13.130-133)
Sports organisations must exclude trans people from single-sex competitions (13.73).
A women’s only sports competition must exclude trans women because of their biological advantage or face potential lawsuits (13.74), but a trans man who has undergone testosterone treatment can also be excluded based on fairness rules (13.81).
Trans women are stripped of the legal definition of ‘lesbian’, and therefore no longer have legal protections if they’re discriminated against on the basis of sexual orientation. (2.50, 2.92).
Here is the Good Law Project's better explanation of the EHRC Code.
I have also made a PDF printout of QR codes for the government petition, email your MP tool, and mass lobby link to pass around your communities. DM me and I'll send it to you.
some suggested framings for your letter to your mp to protest against the EHRC guidance, UKPOL (26th May 2026)
Following up on this briefly now the guidance has been delivered. I have briefly looked through is and read analysis by legal experts. I am likely to follow up in more detail
As far as I can tell, it is an absolute dog's dinner, full of contradictory statements, ambiguous hedging (lots of may be/is likely/is unlikely) and is of almost no use to service providers wishing to ensure they are legally compliant.
Some language has softened, but it remains a lawfare bully's charter.
For example:
1) There are many references to the supreme court redefinition of terms in EA2010 to base "sex" on "biological sex" ("BS" which as far as I can tell is not the outcome of any specific scientific test, just observation, assignment and recording around birth or as near to that point where there is an external ambiguity - i.e. "administrative sex").
1b) It then states that there is no document which categorically captures this information for an individual (13.197) and such relevant documents as there such as birth certificates or GRCs are cannot be demanded for privacy reasons
1c) It implicitly invalidates the solemn oath required by recipients of GRC documents
"I _ do solemnly and sincerely declare that:
I am over 18 years of age.
I transitioned in DD/MM/YY
I have lived as a (insert ‘male’ or ‘female’ as appropriate) throughout the period of years before the date of this statutory declaration and I intend to live in that gender until death."
1d) It also makes the lived experience requirements for new GRCs nigh-on impossible
2) It is simultaneously mandatory for trans men to be required to use female-designated spaces and possible to exclude them based on other users' sensitivities
3) Services covering multiple protected groups are declared possible. Providing a single-sex service may be mandatory and making it biological sex ("BS") only may be discriminatory to trans people unless proportional, but including trans people may be discriminatory to non-trans people. Litigation risk from all sides
4) There is an explicit example 4.100 that "GC" or religious-based beliefs about homosexuality should not be stereotypes as having negative attitudes to (respectively) trans or gay people (scope creep).
This is a reworking of the "hate the sin, not the sinner" rationale used by some religious people. I cannot see how it has a place in equalities guidelines. Those beliefs are definitionally negative about the people embodying them. A similar statement would not be made about eugenicists or racial supremacists
5) Sex-specific medical services (gynecology, urology, mammography) can exclude trans people even when their bodies require attention from those services
13.147 elevates "discomfort" by an individual in a protected category to the level of justifying exclusion of one in another. This has nothing to do with "proportionality" and is an absolutely chilling precedent both in this case and for other categories
13.170 indicates "13.170 It is unlikely to be either practical or appropriate to approach any particular individual to make enquiries about their sex in relation to facilities, such as toilets, which are incidental to the primary service."
Are toilets part of the primary service of a pub, or restaurant or office? Are changing rooms part of the primary purpose of a gym?
6) This will inevitably result in service providers discontinuing sex-designated services and facilities or reworking to be unisex
7) The main outcome I foresee - beyond daily distress to several hundred thousand British people - will be years of legal threats and wranglings by those with the deepest pockets and a chilling effect on public life
8) There is a of handwaving based on assumed existence of segregated third spaces in addition to sex-designated. This is both unlikely to be represented by actal facilities on the ground, and is just an awful, dehumanising, othering approach
9) Enforcement is nigh-on impossible, equity is nil.
This could have been avoided with new legislation which reasserted the original spirit and intent of the earlier acts (as evidenced by the speeches in Hansard and surrounding commentary) to overturn this radical reinterpretation.
Worryingly, bad-faith or simply incorrect representations of rights are being trumped across media channels, including the national broadcaster.
This will devastate and victimise members of an already vulnerable group, as well as anyone who sufficiently motivated people decide may possibly be in those groups.
Horrific.
ALSO
Dear Clive,
Last time we met, we spoke about waiting for the guidance due to be published by the EHRC. That guidance has now been published and laid before Parliament. It will become law if not rejected by MPs.
It is now clear that this guidance is the bathroom ban trans people were fearing. Some features of older versions of the guidance have been watered down or removed, such as the unworkable advise about service providers asking for proof of “biological sex” by requesting identification (no form of identification records this information in the UK).
The updated guidance explicitly advises service providers enact a blanket ban on trans people using spaces according to their acquired gender by creating a catch-22 situation: that to include trans people in this way is discrimination against both cis women and cis men. To avoid being taken to court, service providers must enact a blanket ban on trans women using facilities according to their acquired gender.
This is a bathroom ban. Far from providing “clarity”, it pushes all responsibility for enacting the ban, and defending against nuisance litigation, onto service providers. It also explicitly points out there is no meaningful way to enforce such policies, because no forms of identification exist that record “biological sex”, or “sex at birth”.
This is a calamitous situation for trans people, service providers, and gender non-conforming cis people. In 2016, the UK Foreign and Commonwealth Office warned British LGBT people about travelling to the US in the wake of legislation in North Carolina that forced trans people to use toilets according to their sex at birth. What are we supposed to do when our own government issues legal guidance advising businesses to enact the same bathroom ban in our own country? This guidance must be debated by Parliament, and it must be rejected by MPs. Further, the Labour Government must legislate to make clear that trans women are afforded the same rights as cis women, and trans men are afforded the same rights as cis men in the Equality Act. It should also legislate to ensure that holders of gender recognition certificates are “for all intents and purposes” considered their acquired sex, as was written into the Gender Recognition Act in 2004. Anything less would be a permanent stain on the legacy of the Labour Party, and remembered long into the future in the same way as Section 28. It is my sincere belief that we are witnessing the systemic dismantling of the human rights of trans people under a Labour government. Regards, Katie Fenn
AND
(No alt text was provided for this one).
And this template letter:
take a mix-and-match approach and personalise it if you can. be polite and don't use language that will have your letter rejected, but don't shy away from describing the consequences.
You might want to reference:
"Like a snowball: the growth and impact of the gender critical movement in the UK", Amnesty International, published 21st May 2026.
Samaritans responds to EHRC guidance after 40% rise in calls following Supreme Court ruling, Samaritans, published 22nd May 2026
Samaritans responds to EHRC guidance after 40% rise in calls following Supreme Court ruling
Press statement published 14th May 2026 by ILGA (prior to the EHRC guidance but relevant to the UK's piss-poor standing on trans and queer rights generally in Europe).
The UK has dropped six places in ILGA-Europe’s Rainbow Map, as Hungary and Georgia also register steep falls following anti-LGBTI legislatio
If you have a UK MP (and if you live in the UK you do have one) please do this and share it ASAP, there is a limited period of time before Parliament vote on the guidance.
If you don't have a UK MP please at least share this post.
POST DATE: 25th MAY 2026.
WriteToThem is a website which provides an easy way to contact MPs, councillors and other elected representatives.
To find your MP and send an easy email, use WriteToThem.
we gotta get back to torrent distribution, i just watched someone eat eight grand in bandwidth charges because they ran a direct-download piracy site with local file hosting through cloudflare. torrents were invented literally for this exact reason
i have a file or folder on my pc that i want to share with other people. let's call it gayshit.mp3
unfortunately gayshit.mp3 is 750mb and im not paying for discord nitro so i need another way to send it
i put it into qbittorrent and it makes a torrent file. this is essentially a very small file that points to gayshit.mp3 so other computers can find it. kinda like a treasure map
i send this tiny file to my friend, who loads it into qbittorrent. their computer takes a moment to find mine over the vast expanse of cyberspace and then (as long as my pc is running and the file is still where it should be), it gets copied from my hard drive to theirs
this is the cool part: if somebody else loads that tiny file, they can download it from both of us. if i'm offline but my friend is on, the third person can still get it. this also means that if two people have separate halves of the file, they can download the other half from each other. as long as some combination of people have the pieces between them, they can all have the whole thing.
crucially this does not require a server!!! you can just upload the file to a few people and as long as they keep it, it's still accessible. as long as somebody, somewhere is still connected, it's available forever. the only way it goes away is if everybody disconnects from it.
