#profesie

[jurnaluldesucces]

Știu, uneori fac alegeri greșite.. orgoliul asta nenorocit e de vina. Îmi pare rău, dar uneori nu sunt în cea mai buna versiune a mea.

Uneori îmi doresc doar sa plec, să plec departe. Familia e schimbătoare, azi te încurajează, mâine te descurajează.

Încerc să nu par afectat de ceea ce spun ei, dar e foarte greu. Sa nu pari, înseamnă să nu arăți și sa nu arăți e ușor. Dar chinul cel mai greu îl duci în sufletul tău, acolo unde doar tu poți pătrunde. Uneori in sufletul meu răsuna ecouri de descurajari. Îmi vine foarte greu să mă motivez, uneori mi se pare chiar imposibil.

Dar, eu sper că într-o zi lumea mea va fi mai buna. Voi avea familia mea, copii și soția mea. Trebuie sa gândesc pozitiv. Nu totul se rezuma la o cearta și niște critici/descurajări.

Nu oamenii controlează destinul, ci Dumnezeu.

Dacă ai o relație bună cu Dumnezeu și te încrezi în el, destinul tău poate fi mai bun. Doar trebuie să credem. Când auzim niște critici, ne apasa grijile. Grijile viitorului.

Scopul este să rămânem optimiști, să credem în Dumnezeu și să avem încredere în noi, apoi să mergem mai departe. Ziua de mâine o să fie mai buna!

[bndruidharchive4]

what's kara's experience with avalon, if anything? has she ever had any dealings with a lady of the lake? adjacently, would she have ever considered learning from merlin?

kara's only direct dealings with what she thinks is avalon — it was definitely fey, but the connection between faeries and avalon and its priestesses is only assumed — is watching eira bargain her soul and freedom away for the power to cast a blood-curse. everything else is stories heard from elder witches. (that the priestesses even more so than faeries in general, take any opportunity to ensnare witches, stealing them away for their own ends.) if she was to meet someone she believed to be a priestess of avalon or an acolyte of the lady of the lake, or indeed the lady herself, kara would certainly be respectful, but definitely untrusting and careful not to get too close or make any promises.

as for merlin, kara would rather scratch her eyes out. i think witches in general don't particularly like merlin, and see his brand of magic as distinct from their own. especially since so much of merlin's magic seems to revolve around prophecy, which is very much not the business of witches. he is something of a children's story among witches, a demon to be wary of and a warning not to overreach. additionally, kara would hardly wish to learn from a man so invested in arthur, no matter how advantageous it might be.

[bndruidharchive4]

Was Kara marrying any of Medrod's brothers ever on the table? How would she have felt if she had to bc it was previously arranged? Is there any brother she would prefer to be matched with over the other (again assuming Medrod isn't an option sjsjaka)

i mean it wasn't ever really on the table — from a writer's standpoint, kara was always meant to be with medrod for a number of reasons i won't really get into here. but it's a fundamental aspect of her story and it makes sense that it's medrod and it was always going to be medrod.

in saying that, i have thought about it. i will say this could only happen if kara never fell in love with medrod to begin with — there's no version of events where she loves medrod but has to marry one of his brothers instead, i don't actually think any of their family would ever ask that of her. but other than that, i don't think kara would necessarily have a problem with an arranged marriage to one of them. ideally, it would be gwalchmai or egrevayn; the twins are younger than her, and though the age gap is not huge, i do think she would skew a little too maternal in her treatment of them to make a marriage to either feasible. while, i can't see her loving either egrevayn or gwalchmai the way i've written her to love medrod, she does love them and has such close friendships with both that the idea of marriage is not such a hardship. with egrevayn she perhaps has a better chance of romantic attachment, whereas i do struggle at the moment to imagine gwalchmai as anything but her dearest friend. which is almost as interesting, now that i think about it. even if she was never in love with them, kara would find a lot of comfort and security in a marriage to either, and i think that's just as important to her, so it's not entirely unimaginable.

[bndruidharchive4]

does kara ever have a moment of, like, understanding why people like camelot? or even enjoying living there herself?

superficially, maybe yes? like there are luxuries there that it would be wrong to say she doesn't enjoy. but any deeper than that, probably no. physically, it's very different from what she is used to. i at least imagine camelot as romanesque — perhaps a repurposed fort or civitas complex. whereas kara knows hillforts. she has a sense of being hemmed in at camelot that she does not like, a disconnect from the outside world that she cannot get used to and does not understand how others do. socially, perhaps it is not so very different as she imagines; arthur presides over his court much as lot does over dùn èideann or comgall does over dùn ad. and yet it feels different to her. a feeling of falseness, something cold and pretend in the atmosphere. it could very well just be her experience of the place, but she feels none of the warmth and forthrightness of the halls she grew up in and it unsettles her.

[bndruidharchive4]

i just busted out laughing at the idea of gwalchmai telling kara that he's converted to christianity while in rome as arthur's ambassador and him (THE GOLDEN-TONGUED) before NERVOUS about it so like: how would kara feel about gwalchmai converting? skdhsfkjs

it makes her heart ache. honestly. just. she doesn't understand it. she doesn't like it anything about it at all. but, she adores gwalchmai. and ultimately that's everything.

because it feels a little like arthur tightening his grip on gwalchmai, and a little bit like distance between them, and she absolutely hates that. she also hates that he felt nervous to tell her, though lets be so for real, he has good reason to when kara has always been so unapologetic in her paganism. she feels like maybe she should have protected him from this, though she wasn't there and even if she had been what could she have done? because she also does know that it's gwalchmai's choice. and she does respect that, more than anything.

really it's another instance of kara being able to forgive in her friends what she condemns in everyone else. christianity is a driving force in so much of the pain that has been inflicted on her, and one of arthur's core faults. but with gwalchmai, she doesn't understand but, she tries to. and perhaps she's almost defiant when she decides she won't let this force a wedge between them; that that would feel too much like christianity winning, and she loves gwalchmai too dearly.

[oakthcrn-aaaa]

what's an aspect of lark you consider most fundamental? doesn't matter the au or verse (etc) this Something remains true no matter what.

send me questions you have about my character!

accepting @profesie

This is such a good question and it took me my whole shift to really sit down and think about it.

I would say the most fundamental thing about Lark's character is the journey of handling grief. It is a constant thing she must endure, and it doesn't matter what verse or fandom I throw her in, her story is more or less the same.

The death of the man she loved. She had loved this man so thoroughly, with every bit of her heart, and losing him changed her as a person. Grief has nestled in her like a snake coiled up around itself. She gets lost in it sometimes, and some days its lighter than others, but it is always there.

She has to navigate with the absence of Caelum and it is too much to bear sometimes. It's a challenge for her to make progress because when she does, survivor's guilt begins to sink in, and that grief makes her self isolate, and pull back from people who care about her.

After Caelum died, it was like her heart became a stone. She has trouble connecting to other people--more so with those who have lost people they love like she has. Deep down, she feels like she doesn't deserve happiness because what happiness could she have when Caelum no longer has it?

It's hard for her to open up, and trust again. It's hard to make friends when she feels like she's constantly dragging a boulder behind her. It is a slow lesson she has to learn that she needs to let go of the past and allow herself to breathe cleaner air. She cannot stagnate, and she needs to learn to move past what she has lost, it is only then she can truly find happiness among others.