Got some complicated taxes done and am working on chapter 25 of Progression again. Almost 10k in and still have several scenes to write. But on the plus side, we are finding out Kim took an infant development course in upper secondary school and is now being pressured by Macau to feed Paris. This is doing things to Chay. Chay might not really see the appeal in babies, but seeing Kim adequately care for one is doing things to him. 😂
Like his brothers, Kinn has made more of a point to distance himself from his father. He has had to do it more gradually. He has been the heir for almost half his life, and the active head for a little two. His relationship with Pa is different. He may have never been Pa’s favorite - in fact, he suspects that he is likely the lowest ranked in that regard. While Pa had been frustrated by both Khun’s and Kim’s long-term defiance, it earned them a respect that Kinn simply couldn’t obtain. Khun had held that top spot for ages, with his perfect grades, record breaking test scores, precise aim, and a charisma that always worked in his favor, even after his kidnapping and subsequent breakdown. Not bouncing back from that trauma knocked Khun from his top spot of favorite son. But while Khun’s title went to Kinn, his favoritism got passed down to Kim. Kim was still little, yet held more talent in his pinky than Kinn had in his entire body.
Kinn didn't question it much because of that. He had a lot going on in his head, and he is sure the blow ups that happened during that transition year didn’t leave him in Pa’s good graces for a while, especially when Khun was struggling so much after the kidnapping and everything that happened to him during that time. Kinn displaying behaviors on top of that had been unwelcome and likely resented until they stopped. And Kinn made a point of doing that in order to be the perfect son. Sometimes it felt like enough, whenever Pa approved of the changes and praised him. And sometimes, Kinn never felt like he could reach expectations that were never supposed to be set for him in the first place. He has come to understand that they are. He wouldn't have become the head if his position of heir had just been temporary. But even now, he sometimes feels like everything he has done for Pa and their family isn't enough.
Maybe especially now.
“You just haven't been on top of things lately,” Pa says after he explains his decision, the genuine disappointment and questionable concern lacing his tone.
“Business has been good,” Kinn says, “Our stocks and investments are all looking great. We are doing fine-”
“We are plateauing,” Pa cuts in bluntly.
“We’re not,” Kinn tells him, “Just because we aren't currently expanding businesses or taking on new deals and territories, doesn't mean-”
“You and Porsche already decided to step away from the old minor family deals,” Pa continues, “That was enough of a loss. I understand Porsche wanting distance himself from the…less legitimate deals. But they brought in a lot of money that we no longer have.”
Pa being upset about halting their involvement in the weapons trade and the distribution of harder drugs tells him one thing: that Uncle Gun and Vegas had both been telling the truth. That they did the dirtier deals because the major family expected and demanded it. Since Kinn had never demanded it from either of them, he can only assume the demands came from Pa.
“Porsche closed that lucrative deal with the dispensaries,” Kinn tells him, “We are now the sole manufacturers and distributors of marijuana in the country, and it is being sold legally through them.”
That makes him wonder if Pol buys his weed at a dispensary. It would just be easier if he asked Porsche for a bag from the next shipment. It's not something that Kinn should encourage, considering Pol gave a little to Khun at least once, but-
“While that was smart, it is taxed. Products that are available under the law have to be regulated. The products that aren't allow more flexibility because we decide on the regulations. It allows for international trade that is not monitored by the government.”
Kinn purses his lips and looks away, “It also has a history of being more dangerous.”
“We have guards for a reason.”
“And we have lost guards for a reason,” Kinn says, his voice more rough. He doesn't know if pointing that out is a good thing or not. On the one hand, Pa has cared about some of the guards. He has paid for some of their children to go to college, he has let them go with full retirement benefits once they got older, hurt too badly to do everything the job required, or faced psychological repercussions. A few have even been regarded as family by him, Chan being the most recent. He earned a spot in their family plot.
He also ended up in that hole because Pa faked his death and triggered an attack.
“I have actually been meaning to talk to you about the guards,” Pa says, sounding pleasant enough, “I have taken on a couple of my own now that I will be coming out of retirement-”
“Pa, you really don't have to do that,” Kinn says, “Everything is fine and we are safe. We have more money than most do. I don't understand where this is coming from.”
Pa stays silent for a moment and meets his gaze, “You have made questionable decisions. You took three months off-”
“Because Kim was sick, healing, and needed support.”
“And I understand taking those first couple of weeks off to be there for him,” Pa says, his voice gentle, “But you are not his father. I am retired, and Tankhun isn't fit to work. We could have easily handled it without you. I also feel like that amount of time off clouded your ability to effectively do the job. It made you…softer. You lost your edge.”
Kinn doesn't know what to say to that. It just reminds him of that apple analogy Pa gave him when he took that bullet for Porsche. He didn't know what to say back then either.
“The guards don't seem to change their disposition when you walk through a room anymore,” Pa says, “I worried they are losing respect for you.”
“...I don't really think that is it,” Kinn says quietly, “I just think things are…different now. We don't have Uncle Gun coming in and causing tension. Porsche has a good rapport with the guards in both buildings overall, so does Chay-”
“No surprise there,” Pa mutters. Kinn doesn't even know what he means, but he doesn't like Pa’s tone. He lets it go.
“It just…Keeping them safe should be important, especially after what happened,” Kinn says, “We bought the bulletproof vests for everyone despite the lowered risk. But the ones who survived the attack and stayed loyal to us should be reassured that they are valued and cared for.”
“...Sure,” Pa says slowly, “But you have become too casual with a couple of the guards recently. I don't think that's a good idea.”
Kinn swallows and looks away, “I was close with a few guards before what happened to Kim. Before the attack. Big, for instance. We got along really well, and I cared for him.”
Although, not like Big cared for him. Big’s devotion and affection for him was something Kinn purposely never examined too closely. It was only something he really thought about after everything happened and Porsche transitioned into his new role. When it started to bother him and he went to Khun to talk it out, Khun gently but bluntly confirmed his suspicions. He confirmed that Big saved Porsche, all so Kinn wouldn't get his heart shattered again.
While he is so grateful that Big saved Porsche, he wishes it hadn't cost him his life.
They should have had the bulletproof vests before. Why did Pa never provide those for them?
“Your relationship with Big was a lot like my relationship with Chan,” Pa says thoughtfully, “A friendship was present, but the roles were clear. He still served and addressed you formally, as Chan did for me. They both gave their lives for our family’s cause.”
They shouldn’t have had to. But Kinn doesn't say that. He figures Pa probably knows as much anyway, whether he wants to admit it or not.
“However, they have passed, and I am not here to talk about them anyway,” Pa continues, “I was referring to Arm and Pol.”
“What about them?”
“I have heard them refer to you casually recently,” Pa says, “While they have been here for a while, that isn't acceptable. You need to make sure they know that.”
Kinn squirms in his seat, “That would probably be confusing for them, since I told them they could.”
Pa’s expression hardens, “May I ask why?”
“...They're family, Pa,” Kinn says, “They have worked for us for several years, and I knew Arm prior to that. Plus, they are the two guards who actually prefer working for Khun. Previous guards have underminded that position, but not them. They care for him so much and are the closest friends Khun has had in years, considering he struggled with agoraphobia until three years ago. Tay and Time would spend time with him, but-”
“Tay and Time being friends with him is appropriate. Not his guards,” Pa says, “I will admit that his mental health has improved since obtaining Arm and Pol as his guards. I don't think reassigning both is necessary. Pol seems more suited towards a caretaking position, anyway. Having guards such as him is useful if there is an illness in the family, or if you and Porsche decide to have children. Until either occur, I see no need to remove him from your brother’s coverage, and someone experienced with Tankhun’s…challenges should be on his team anyway.”
Kinn breathes out, “Arm is also great with Tankhun. He and Pol make a great team. Pol is good when it comes to empathy and distraction, Arm is good with reasoning and comfort. I think both are suited for him.”
“That may be true, but Arm’s skill set deserves to be utilized elsewhere,” Pa says, “It is very impressive. It was even prior to his recruitment. He should be on one of our teams so it is properly utilized.”
“I disagree,” Kinn says, shaking his head, “I think it's important that he stay with Khun so he is put in less danger. If you were staying retired, then I wouldn't mind the thought of Arm being transferred to your team. But you say you aren't, and he is the guard we should be protecting the most so we don't lose such a valuable employee. Besides, I have offered him a spot on my team in the past. So have you. While he has gone on a lot of missions, provided coverage, and covered plans for security plans and deals, he has declined a permanent spot since he prefers working with Khun.”
“That's why I think the decision needs to be made for him.”
“He is the head guard. We gave him Chan's position. He deserves the first choice on assignments. After everything he has done for us, he deserves to have those choices respected.”
Pa hums, then nods his head thoughtfully, “Maybe under more professional circumstances. But I have a feeling that Arm’s attachment to your brother is not a professional one, nor is your brother’s attachment to him.”
Kinn pauses at that, “What are you talking about?”
“Call it a father’s intuition,” Pa says, then holds up his hands, “I have no solid proof, but some of their more recent actions towards each other is telling me that they are crossing a boundary, one that is in place for multiple reasons. Of course, you have crossed that boundary in the past with Porsche, back when you were sneaking around. But that was different. You are different. If I am right about this and Tankhun is expecting any potential relationship to eventually be treated similarly to yours, then he is mistaken.”
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
Chapter Summary: After a concerning conversation with his father, Kinn approaches his brother with a question that is long overdue. As Macau bonds more with Paris, Kim shows his own surprising skills with infants. Namphueng fights for her rights to be involved in a future weed brownie night. Kim and Chay get a little more adventurous in the bedroom.
Well, Kinn almost told Korn about what Douglas did to him. He truly weighed the pros and cons and realized that it's too much of a risk to tell his father anything about his trauma, despite feeling like Korn probably didn't know about it. He knew about other things, and he hurt people Kinn cared about. That makes him untrustworthy. However, it doesn't make Kinn any less sad that he can't confide in the only parent he has left about this kind of pain without worrying about what kind of restrictions he could face as a result.
I really wanted to write a scene showing Korn actually didn't know his own sons were hurt by this man and feeling upset by it since no one is 100% evil, but Kinn is smart enough to not risk it.
Chapter 25 of Progression might not be posted tomorrow. I had a deadline for data input, had to get grades in, and wrote essentially a twelve page children's book so that one of the elementary kids would stop trying to attack a staff they have been attacking every day since October (like on sight without reason every time they are both in the hallway or lunch room). But it worked and they are willing to work with her now! We have a plan for the three of us to make and eat cheesecake in the culinary room! However, it is a little frustrating to solve an issue with a student who isn't mine and be called in to handle their crises and plan appropriate approaches to them. I'm honored, in some ways, and he was my student two years ago so his willingness to work with me isn't unprecedented, but it is an added stressor when I have another classroom to manage.
But it was a productive week, just not writing wise. I have two and half scenes written and 8k words (long scenes, clearly). I am hoping a huge spark to happen in the morning since late at night and first thing after I wake up seem to be my most productive times creatively. But it might not be out for another couple of days.