#projectdalton-rp

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Miracles Happen || Self Para

Jessica Sterling 

July 29th

Location: Jessica’s hospital Room / OR #3 

Notes: Miracles happen when a multi-car pile up presents a kidney for Jessica 

It was an hour later when the nurse came in and gave Jess a smile and told her she'd be taking her down. It had been a nice change to see the nurses so accepting of her now that Mama Lisa had given them a talk. She asked the Nurse if they would contact Mama Lisa and tell her that that they had a kidney, then to message Ryan Anderson. The nurse nodded and promised that she will. Jess hoped she wasn't lying. 

The elevator ride seemed like it took forever, she felt stuck in time like it had stopped. Once the doors opened she took a breath of air as the bed rolled along the hallway people staring as she was pushed by. They got her into the OR #3 and got her prepped. She wondered if this was standard or if it was just because they were in a hurry to give her this kidney. She'd been situated on the table as they turned off the dialysis machine and started to give her the anesthesia injection and put the mask over her face. 

Jess remembers being asked to count back from ten "Ten, Nine, Eight, Seven..." She doesn't remember anymore than that. She remembered dreaming about cuddling with Ryan, and helping take care of Kuzco. She dreamt about actually completely being a girl and about more things that would never happen to her in her life.  She remembers them telling her it was a two to three hour surgery. 

Waking up what felt like days later she was back in her room and heard beeping. She clicked her nurses button and asked what happened when she arrived. She told Jess that the surgery so far was successful that they were just waiting to see if the Kidney takes and then they will release me into the custody of Mama Lisa and I can go home. They were impressed and she said the doctor would be in later in the day to check on me and see how the antibiotics are doing and see if the Yellowing in the eyes are gone. 

Jess felt elated and settled herself back into her pillow and fell back asleep. 

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Visits || Ryan & Jess

Jess had been sleeping on and off all day due to the drugs they were pushing into her system. They were giving her anti-biotics, pain meds, the medication for this and that. Then there were the tubes for her dialysis which they were feeding directly into her stomach. She didn't understand why they wouldn't just let her die already. She felt they were the reason she was in this mess to begin with a false positive HIV result and they put her on drugs that ultimately nearly kill her. She looked down at the Unicorn on her bed and smiled. She wondered what it would be like to not be in pain, it's been so long since she's remembered what not being in pain is like. She was getting bored just sitting in her room in her hospital bed. The last time she tried to escape they threatened her with restraints and sedation, she resisted the urge. She didn't feel like fighting them anymore. She just wanted to be held and told that it was okay. 

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Hospital Stay || Journal

Dear Diary 

I tore my IV out on the way back from dropping off Charlie with Cameron. It was sweet of Darius to do that for me, but Cameron's more important than I am right now. I feel like Everyones more important than I am, everyones path and life is set to move forward and mine is going to stop within a few miles. 

Sure they could put me on transplant lists til there blue in the face, but the way my skin is starting to turn yellow and the talk of Dialysis they've been bringing forth doesn't make the inevitable go away, no it only brings it closer.  I've kissed death, I've looked in it's face and accept it. One day I will hold hands with death and walk in it's shadow. 

Most of the nurses here I can tell are praying for it the bigoted fools will not see me when I go to heaven and they are in hell for the sins against another person for there unholy thoughts upon another brother or sister of god. God, or some supreme being. Whoever it may be. Perhaps it's a flying Spaghetti Monster. Maybe when I die they should bury me with a box of pasta so I can present it as my offering? 

I would say I miss the quiet  but it's quiet here all the time so I shall say I miss home, if I could call momma lisa's house a home. It's more like a refuge for horny males that only want to sleep with the person they're obsessed with and be damned the other inhabitants. Except there's Tina, Brittany, & Santana and lets face it the only other soul in that house that is more alone than me is Tina, I feel sorry for her loss... 

I wonder how that must feel like? Having an epic love like that and then it being ripped from your grasps? I would never know I have never had a love like that. I've had flirtation with love like that, a brief glimpse before yet again that was stolen from me too. I would say I'm a fool to love, but I can't help those feelings or actions or hell thoughts for that matter. I use to sit outside by my tree and look in the house and see the couples talk or hug or just linger together in the moment and wish myself into a situation like that. 

It won't ever happen 

not for someone like me. 

I miss my brother, sometimes I wish there was a better way to live life. One that didn't' involve being such a weird society member with people that live to keep myself alive. It's the thing of nightmares and sometimes it eats at me. I have woken up in the middle of the night screaming because I have out of body experiences watching them cut open my brothers to offer organs to me. It's the most nauseating nightmare I wake up and hurl. Nurses just LOVE me. 

Thats not the only night mare that has been keeping me in the nurses good graces, I keep having visions of being back at Dalton, Those feel more like reality than Nightmare. It's not a pleasant thought and I hate for that day to come, but we cant always stay on the run and that thought as well scares me so. I just wish for this a little longer, for this semi state of freedom, ha freedom. This is what I call freedom. IV bags, Nutrition bags because I refuse to eat the hospital plastic looking food, Dialysis bags to keep my kidneys functioning because my skins yellowing they see the jaundice setting in. They see the terrible before I do. 

I see the nightmares before the reality. I see the death before life. I won't see next year. That's my thoughts. 

I think they slipped me pain meds because I'm getting sleepy as I write. I shall continue more of my thoughts on another day, or night, depending on when I wake up from my dream state or my nightmares. 

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Chances || Self para

Waking up some time later Jess found herself laying on her yoga matt she stretched up and bit her lip in thought and realized the power was still out. Looking out the window it was darker, and thoughts rolled through her head. It could be the only chance she has. Getting up from her yoga matt she decides to change. Getting into black skinny jeans and black sweater and bit her lip hoping that this decision isn't going to bite her ass in the end. 

Moving around her room she pulls on sneakers and opens her door slowly peaking her head out the door looking to the left then to the right. It was dangerous what she was about to do, but it was now or never for the chance to be Jess fully and start to leave Jeff behind. She knew what she had to do. 

She knew this black out wouldn't be happening again she needed what she needed and they wouldn't give it to her here so why stay. She packed a bag and wrote a letter quickly to Nic and Britt. She wasn't going to stay and continue to be Jeff here under there thumb, under there need to keep me the way my parents want me. She'd been doing research for a few months and knew the best place to get acceptance and to get what she wants was Europe. 

Moving out of the room with a bag and her passport and other things slipping out into the hallway and down the hall slipping past the guards that were looking the other way. Moving towards the door she knew freedom was a few yards away, she knew where her car was the one she arrived in and was never able to actually drive. 

She headed towards her Tree the one closest to the gate the one she could climb and get onto the gate. She hoped that Security was more worried about what was happening inside the compound than what was happening outside the compound. She hoped that they wouldn't be monitoring her tree her tree that she knew had the easiest way to get out of here. 

She climbed the tree slowly and looked back for the moment and then she reached out to the gate and got onto it and jumped down glad that her sneakers absorbed shock. Putting her bag up her on her shoulder she grabbed the keys out of her pocket and moved between the cars in the parking lot, she knew her car wouldn't be put there. She moved beyond the parking lot towards the road and saw the familiar car that was there smiling she clicked the fob of her keys and once there she slipped in and put the car in and dropped the bag in passenger seat and as soon as she could get the door shut she made a dangerous u-turn and hauled ass away from the school that has denied her, her life. 

Once on the road she pulled her phone up and got directions for the nearest airport. She wanted nothing more than to get as far as she could. Passing exits that put distance between her and Dalton she could not be happier enough. Putting distance between her and Dalton means putting herself closer to what she wants. 

Getting off interstate number three onto the departure for Columbus International she sighed in relief she turned her cell phone off so they couldn't get ahold of her and slipped her sim card out and snapped it in half. She'd find a way to get in touch with someone as soon as she could once in Europe. Parking in the long term parking and paying them she headed into the airport hoodie on hair pinned back bag on her shoulder towards the lady at the ticket counter. 

"I need a ticket for Europe, France? or Germany? Something that is going to come in the next 90 mins or sooner" she told lady pulling out a credit card that she'd had on her that was for her money that her grandmother had given her and pushed his ID also across the place she knew that people would be able to track with the ID so she was screwed until she got to France or wherever she was given a ticket too. 

Once the ticket was gotten, then through security, and at the gate this was the chance. A chance, It was thirty minutes of sitting before she found herself in a coach seat on the airplane and settled in for the flight. 

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Tears of Determination || Self Para

Sat June 21st

putting her ipod in she tried to block out the world around her, but sometimes living like that isn't possible. She didn't want the full transformation, she wanted to be a girl, but she didn't know if parting with a certain part was what she really wanted. Sure she wanted to be loved and cherished like Cameron was with Darius and how Blaine is with whoever his flavor of the week is, but she'd never get that because she's different. But being Jeff wasn't comfortable, and these girl skinny jeans and blouse felt right.  The lip gloss light eyeliner and eyeshadow and the way her hair was pinned felt right, yeah it looked weird because there's more testosterone and less estrogen would make things look different, but there was hope. Well there was hope, that's long gone since Dr. Torres crushed the dreams and hopes that were once obtainable 

Needed parental Consent... Ha, like my parents would even say yes. Grandmother would because she knows, she knows and that's why she sends me the carepackages of cookies and alcohol she knows what I want and that's a huge reason my parents won't talk to me. Sure being gay was always the issue. But walking around in my sisters clothes and wanting to be feminine all the time was another huge issue that they wouldn't have in there household so I guess having me as this then my situation it was the perfect opportunity to discard there wanted son and hope that the parts they use of the clone only get rid of the want and need that was burning inside of me. 

Yeah that was there thought, at least it's what my mind tells me. Hope they get rid of the her part of their precious son. She shook her head. She'd no longer be Jeff it was the last thing she did, she promised herself right there under the tree. 

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Reflection || Self Para

Looking in the mirror or the windows reflection still mesmerized. Still stunned and made realizations that this was happening this was the bodies way of accepting. Painted purple nails touched the window and then moved to touch skin looking at the slight reflection. Purple was an easy color to paint, it was the only one that didn't look to flamboyant to scare off the students who were still weird about the transition. 

Being alone was easier, being here alone was easier than being stared at and the gossip of everyone else's humor. It wasn't a big deal this was something that was accepted internally and externally  that was needed to be happy. Getting acceptance from others wasn't a big deal, not anymore, not after the isolation and the alone that had creeped in and settled like an unwanted weed in a garden. 

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The Decision to Transition || Self-Para

He had never really felt like he fit since he got here at Dalton and sure being Jeff was awesome, but he seemed to be alot more approachable as Jessica. He sighed and moved to his closet and pulled out the box that he had labeled not to touch and opened it pulling out the make up that he'd kept and a few items like hair dye and heels. 

Once they were all out he thought about what he'd be wearing as Jessica she couldn't ask Brittany Peirce to borrow her clothes so now she had to decide to shop with the card that her parents had left her for clothes. She had spent a few moments measuring herself with a tape and googling what size she'd wear in womens clothing and began to buy herself items that she needed. 

Once she was done buying what she needed she closed her eyes and then began to write out things she needed that she'd buy later on in the week after she got a good feel on things, the one thing she needed that she wouldn't have to buy was hormones and she knew exactly where to go for those, but she'd have to wait and bide her time

Once she had closed her computer and pushed aside the thoughts of the transition she had decided she was going to make a therapy appointment with Dr. Torres and see if the school would help her or support her with this decision to go from being Jeffery to Jessica and then she wondered if Jordan would be okay with this would her brother, her new brother be okay with this decision in her life. 

And once she said outloud "I am Jessica Sterling" alone in her room she became real, a real decision, a real choice, and a real transition. 

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Sterling Cuddles

Jeff had read the last message and shook his head he hated when his brother brought up that, it literally made his insides turn. He closed his eyes taking a deep breath in and letting it out before turning off his computer and getting up, he grabbed crackers from his stash of food he kept in his room and his pillow and a few good action movies that might make Jordan smile or at least make him feel better for a few. 

He had made his way down to the dining area to swipe a gatorade for his brother because he knew what feeling sick was like and he just wanted to make sure Jordan was okay and feeling better. Once he got the right light blue kind that he'd asked for he took that and his own fruit punch that he'd swiped up to Jordan's dorm and knocked softly waiting for his brother to answer.