THE MUCKRACKER’S WEEKLY RANKINGS
It’s time to introduce a new feature for the Big Teen Prom RPG! From now on, every Sunday we will be posting RANKINGS! These rankings show the likelihood of each character becoming prom royalty and winning those coveted crowns (according to everyone’s favorite gossip mongerer, Jacob Ben Israel). While these are the “projected chances”, they are only meant to serve as inspiration, and a fun reminder of the general plot we are working towards. Please like this post so we can be sure everyone saw it.
SANTANA LOPEZ & BRITTANY PIERCE (100 POINTS) - #TeamBrittana is dominating at the polls, but their position in this hierarchy is always at risk. The Lima public loves lesbians in their internet search history, but not so much on their high school stage. Still, Brittana could break the mold.
QUINN FABRAY & FINN HUDSON (80 POINTS) - Yawn-o-rama. Quinn and Finn may be the classic Archie Comics archetype, but they are not giving us anything newsworthy, and their position on this list is only by default. Drop the Quarterback for a tight end, Miss Fabray, and you’ll have your queen position solidified.
MARLEY ROSE (50 POINTS) - Marley is gaining quite the reputation, and is certainly making a lot of friends, but are any of them royalty? We’re betting she’ll have slept with enough people by prom to make Princess in pity votes alone.
SEBASTIAN SMYTHE (30 POINTS)- No one is believing that overnight tryst with Marley Rose is anything but a fluke. We at the Muckracker hope he had the decency to pay for a Happy Meal and a morning after pill for his “date” to Azimio’s house party. Embrace your role as the GBF for one of our fierce queen competitors to raise your ranking.
RACHEL BERRY (20 POINTS) - Mrs. Berry revealed her wild side earlier this week when she made a suggestive post about the iconic 50 Shades of Grey trilogy. Release a 50SOG inspired video and maybe you’ll make it onto prom court. You’ll certainly make it onto our personal
PUCK (0 POINTS) - Probably won’t even be in school by the time prom rolls around. He’ll be dealing drugs under a bridge by graduation. Either find a way back on the football team or join the McKinley High Pride Brigade as the most recently available GBF for prom season to get noticed.
KURT HUMMEL (-10 POINTS) - Who? Come out of the closet already, Liberace, then we can talk. Those corsets and skinny jeans are fooling no one!