#prompt 358

[notyouraveragewritingprompts]

Prompt #358

"Should I ignore this or make a passive aggressive comment?"

[wonderful-prompts]

Prompt #358

“If I die young—”

“Bury you in satin and lay you down on a bed of roses?”

“No. I want a Viking funeral. But I definitely need you to make that asshole pay before the world ends.”

[creativepromptsforwriting]

Prompt #358

She can feel it. Her heart is still beating and for the first time in a while she takes that as a good thing.

[fmaficcontestlj]

LiveJournal

This week we have three entries for the prompt 351!  Voting will be open until May 9th 8PM EST (Monday)!

In order to vote, you need to have an LJ account and be a member of the LJ community fma_fic_contest!

[fmaficcontestlj]

Prompt 358 Extension and Prompt 359 announcement

Prompt 358 Extension

We only have two entries for prompt 358, so we're extending it until Friday May 6th 2016 @ midnight EST! (If you missed our previous announcement, Prompt 359 will be our last prompt for this community).

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Prompt 359 announcement

Well, this is it!  Our last FMA Fic Contest prompt. Your prompt:  Open or Goodbye - If there's ever been a prompt you wanted to do and didn't, or wanted us to have but it never came up, or that you started and didn't finish, now's your moment!  If you'd like to come at this last prompt totally fresh, then it's time to say Goodbye. Your wordcount:  Open Your deadline:  Thursday, May 12th @ midnight EST Wishing you all happy writing, on this prompt and on all of your future writing endeavors!

[thirtyminuteponies]

Prompt #358: "Domino Effect" compilation

The prompt: The Crystal Empire falls.

The King is dead! Long live the King!

“Research Journal, Page 301” By ThunderTempest

“For Want of a Feather” by Esle Ynopemos

“Turning over a new leaf” by shutaro

“Don’t Abandon Us” by Versulia

[thirtyminuteponies]

Prompt #358: "Don't Abandon Us" by Versulia

The walls were covered by the black smoke. In the sky, light tried to break through, reaching out to us. We looked up and we feared.

Would we be abandoned by our King, just like what the Old Princess did to us years before?

King Sombra came to protect us, drawing upon the smoke to shut out the light. Using it as a bridge, he charged at the light. Before he left, the King commanded us to stay inside our homes-- and pray for him.

Fearing abandonment as a consequence, we prayed.

Quickly the darkness returned. We could see comfortably again without having to fear about the rays of light that might sweep us away into the unprotected world.

We watched the skies from the windows. Bursts of light flashed from beyond the smoke, but they were not strong enough to pierce through the King's spell. For a moment we felt safe, however; a feeling of entrapment grew. Beyond the walls was a land full of harsh snow-- with it, a vile light that wanted to steal us from the safety of King Sombra.

What if it broke? And what if the snows returned and took us, like the Old Princess?

We prayed to King Sombra, hoping that he would shield us from the world outside. That he would not abandon us, like our former Princess. Some of us were reduced to bargaining, saying that we would gladly work more shifts in the mines if it meant protection.

But it didn't work.

The light grew stronger and the smoke thinned. Snowflakes drifted into the kingdom, uncaring and numerous. We feared.

Because of King Sombra, we were safe. The lands were unforgiving, but our King kept us warm. He stayed with us, unlike the Old Princess. Our King did not leave for weeks on end to a country a pony could not travel to. Leave us and play politics in a faraway place while her homeland anxiously awaited for her return.

Whenever the Old Princess left, we grew cold. On her return we were warmed by a pretense of love. As we showered her with love, our Princess returned it with a week of abandonment.

When sacrificed all our love, begged for her return, she never did. For weeks our prayers went unanswered, but one day we were greeted by a black smoke.

The King arrived with words of fear and entrapment. He told us to eliminate our vanguard and our culture and accept his word as law. But he came with safety-- a promise that he would never leave us. Because we accepted his rule, he kept true to his promise.

We were safe and we were never abandoned. In exchange, we worked in mineshafts, gathering jewels for our King. The more jewels and the more prayers we sacrificed to King Sombra, the more he protected us.

But the layer of smoke that was supposed to protect us-- it melted. A whiteout blinded us. We feared for our King. In low visibility the light could take him away, just like the Princess. If we did nothing, we would freeze in the snows.

As we were taught, we did not raise spears against our enemies. We prayed to King Sombra, sacrificing our faith-- our love to him.

Again we prayed, glaring at the skies. Above us were two travesties of ponies-- cursed with wings and a horn. Just like our old Princess, their appearance was airy, calm. The Old Princess was not with them, still uncaring of us. Flourishing their wings, as if securing victory. Preparing to abandon us.

They came to us, beckoned for us to leave. We refused.

The world outside the walls were endless and engulfing. Inside our walls we had safety under the rule of our King. Outside we would gain nothing for the abandonment of our home.

The two winged ponies commanded us to leave.

We did not, for they would abandon us once we felt safe, like the Old Princess. Though our King's rule was harsh, we were safe.

We hid in the shadows of our homes. And we prayed.

The ponies did not follow. Instead they cried out to one another about a growing shadow.

When they left, we cheered. They abandoned us, just like the Old Princess. This time, we lost nothing-- because we believed in the might of our King.

Slowly the world faded to black. The snow disappeared as another layer of smoke rose up to protect us. We called to King Sombra, praising him. In the world of shadow, some of us felt tense. The smoke was stronger, almost glassy.

Some of us felt trapped, but we did not mind. For if we could not leave, our King could not leave, as he did not have wings. Isolated from the outside world, we felt safe with our King, for we knew that he would never abandon us, like the Old Princess.

Commentary from Donny's Boy

This is a fascinating premise, that the Crystal Empire ponies actually accepted Sombra's rule (though as the lesser of two evils) and saw the world outside their kingdom as a dangerous place. Clearly, Cadance didn't abandon them of her own free will, but it's uncertain how much of the rest is a result of Sombra's propaganda and how much is an accurate reflection of the situation. I do think there could have been a bit more show versus tell, but overall, I like the narrative tone here and especially the use of first-person plural .

[thirtyminuteponies]

Prompt #358: "For Want of a Feather" by Esle Ynopemos

Time. Time is a fickle thing. Ever does it march forward, unthinking, unfeeling, unwavering. An endless stream that never changes direction.

Or almost never. In a land of mad gods and capricious magic, time doesn't always work the way we think it should. Sometimes, time changes.

In the twisting throes of his defeat, the dark unicorn king Sombra's considerable arcane might was unleashed in a blind fit. Raw power was thrown directly at the fabric of reality, with no shape to it other than rage and spite and malice. Most of this magic simply manifested in the form of dark crystals that were quickly dispersed by the wave of hope and goodness emitted by the Crystal Heart.

But in his flailing, the Unicorn King managed to reach across time. It was brief, and small. All he could grasp was a single, tiny object: a sky-blue feather. But grasp it he did, and with the last of his dying hatred as the light cleansed his shadowy form from our world, he pulled.

*

“Ow!” Rainbow Dash winced as something tugged on her wing. A blue feather drifted to the snowy ground, a drop of blood stuck to the tip leaving a tiny red blotch in the whiteness. She looked back. “Twi, was that you?”

Twilight warded the wind off of her face with a hoof as she glanced up at Rainbow. “Was what me?”

Before Rainbow could say anything, Twilight's brother pushed them along impatiently. “C'mon, we need to keep moving. The Crystal Empire isn't the only thing that's returned.”

Rainbow Dash shrugged and fell into line. Maybe the blizzard had pulled her feather out of place.

*

“We can save the crystal ponies with their history~” The girls sang together as they looked up the cultural history of the Crystal Empire inside the grand library.

Rainbow Dash wasn't a huge history buff, but she could at least appreciate a library that had enough space to fly in. Twilight's oak tree got a little too cramped to do much more than hover. Here, Rainbow could put her speed and agility to good use, zipping up to the top shelves to retrieve any books Twilight might find useful.

“Oops, look out, Dashie!” Pinkie called out. A quick glance told Dash that an overzealous throw had overshot Twilight and was headed for her.

Rainbow smirked. Dodging something like that was nothing to an aerobat like herself. She deftly spun in midair, preparing to catch the book.

But the wing missing a feather didn't provide quite as much lift as she was used to. With a yelp, she overcompensated and the book thumped heavily against her shoulder. “Oof!”

“Sorry!” Pinkie said, scrambling over to pick up the book. “Are you okay?”

Rainbow rubbed her shoulder. A bruise was already starting to form beneath her fur. “Yeah, it's fine, Pinkie. Just watch where you're throwing things, okay?”

*

Dash panted as she set her lance aside. With her bruised shoulder, jousting had been more of a chore than an event, and the crowd seemed to pick up on that. A few ponies yawned, and none of them seemed to be getting any shinier.

Rainbow found Fluttershy in a heap of armor atop a pile of hay. She looked up at Rainbow with pleading eyes. “W-we don't have to do it again, do we?”

Dash rubbed her sore shoulder and glanced at the crowd. With a sigh, she shook her head. “No, Flutters, I don't think this is lifting anypony's spirits.” She helped Fluttershy back up to her hooves and helped her out of her armor.

*

Cadance soared through the air, Spike on her back and the Crystal Heart in her magic grasp. She banked low and slid the Heart into its place at the base of the palace. “Now!” she cried to the crystal ponies. “Fill the Crystal Heart with the power of Harmony!”

The crystal ponies glanced at one another uncertainly. A few of them gamely squeezed their eyes shut in concentration.

The Crystal Heart sputtered a few gouts of light and went dark.

King Sombra shook with laughter. “That's right, my slaves,” he said, his voice resonating off all of the faceted surfaces of the crystal city. “You are mine.”

Darkness overtook the Crystal Empire.

  Commentary from Donny's Boy

This was hardly fair of you, as I'm a huge sucker for both the use of the butterfly effect and time travel as story-telling tools. I think this was quite well-executed, given the time and length limits, and each little scene did exactly what it needed to do to advance the story. I do wonder if the effect of a single missing feather could have been made more plausible--perhaps it would affect maneuvering more so than lift, for example--but that's a minor nitpick. Nice work!