#proud system

[soulsofsolace]

I'm so goddamn tired. All the time. I'm trying to keep Cas alive, take care of the kids, take care of the body and all it's regular daily things, and function at the same time.

The fiance isn't doing good at all either, and I'm constantly worried about them.

I'm just so tired.

I wish I could sleep and not wake up for a while.

Hopefully this will go away, just have to keep pushing on until then.

-Abdiel

[soulsofsolace]

I truly didn't plan on fronting tonight. Things are so chaotic in the headspace since the mother left, and Cas....He's broken. Our father abandoned us when we were young, quite a few times. We had to cut him off when we were 14, and it hurt. We didn't even have a relationship with him and it still hurt.

Our mother....there were some good times. A lot of things happened throughout our life where it was only our mother and us. But now....we don't have her. Or a father.

To think both parents don't love us is painful.

That we're not important enough to get sober for. Or therapy.

That we're not worth an "I'm sorry for all I've done."

We lost a big chunk of ourselves, and I wouldn't be surprised if we split again.

However, we have our little homemade family. We have our fiance, and the others within them. Our roomate and his kids, they've become family. It may not be much to others, but they're everything to us. I think we'll be alright. Cas, Abdiel, and Riley will heal over time. They were the closest to her.

Things will be okay.

-Anvil