Hold onto your butts, I finished the Terrible OT3.
Just wanna say firstly, it’s not a happy and sunshine thing that they have going on, was never meant to be, hell the fact that two of the characters started as one fearing the other and the other despising them to a vague tolerance of each other due to both their mutual interest in the third character would be considered a hell of a bit of growth. It’s a super unhealthy and dysfunctional thing they got going on here. But dear god was it a fun trash-fire.
Secondly, credit to @ifridiot and @ohnoagremlin for their characters and Golem AU.
This was fun, correct me where I’m wrong or... do it as well.
Who hogs the duvet: Still Punchy a majority of the time.
Who texts/rings to check how their day is going: I would imagine that Shi and Skull may call or text to arrange plans and to check in, just as Shi and Punchy would do the same. But Punchy and Skull? Perhaps they would wind up with each other’s numbers out of a cautious necessity, but certainly neither would be sending the other cutesy emojis or ‘Thinking of you’ texts. ...maybe a ‘Thinking about how much I can’t stand your ass’, ‘Might not be able to stand my ass, but I can certainly stand yours if I’m pegging tonight’ texts.
It’s civil, but it still involves them scoring hits off each other.
Who’s the most creative when it comes to gifts: They really don’t do gifts, at least it’s not the showy call for attention sort of gift giving. It might just be, gonna leave this coffee blend on the counter. Your taste in alcohol is garbage - I’m bringing something better tonight, you can keep drinking your crap or you can actually drink something that isn’t also marketed as antiseptic. Hey, I picked up something for tonight, no, I did not keep it in the mortuary storage, stop insinuating I did.
Who gets up first in the morning: Shi. The unrepentant coffee making early-bird and dreaded opener of the blinds. Followed by a close lead of Punchy or Skull, all depending on factors such as - ‘Bottler is already blowing up my phone and I need a shower because I’m not going to work smelling like this’, how much hot water is left, and ‘You’re comfortable and warm and I’m willing to tolerate you doing that to my neck for maybe five more minutes - or until Shi attempts to get a picture of us cuddling again.’
Who suggests new things in bed: It’s discussed in a warm non-judgemental and respectful - PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT - HAAAAA. It gets brought up, maybe in a round-about way, maybe straight forward, but it gets brought up, if its not shot down and there’s interest even if its scoffing interest, it is worth a shot to try. If it’s not working, they’re all very much comfortable saying its not working, just… without the eloquence.
Who cries at movies: There is no crying. There are only severe frowns and a general expression of upset - ALL OF YOU STOP INTERNALIZING YOUR FEELINGS, YOU ULCER-DEVELOPING FUCKS.
Who gives unprompted massages: Still Shi on that one. Though Punchy does that whole ‘I’m going to hold your hand and rub your knuckles’ thing regardless of who owns the hand, swat away still going to try again in five minutes, if it’s in reach it’s gonna get rubbed.
Who fusses over the other when they’re sick: Shi and Punchy vocally would worry and fuss over each other, Shi would fuss over Skull in that gruff ‘As your doctor, ya’ll being stupid, go lay down’, Skull towards Shi more of a ‘Look at the trouble you got your stupid ass in while worrying about others’ and might involve Punchy as the fuss-er, but otherwise considers Punchy a big girl who can worry about her own problems and doesn’t need commentary about how to care for herself. At most he might throw her a bottle of orange juice… pass the box of tissues, maybe order a pint of wonton soup to show up at her work.
Who gets jealous easiest: They might feel it from time to time, but no one is willing to admit. Punchy is the same as previous ‘This is a good thing, I’ll enjoy it while it lasts, but when it’s done, it’s done.’
Who has the most embarrassing taste in music: Again, gotta admit, if you don’t care what others think of your taste in music, suddenly being embarrassed doesn’t matter. That said… probably Shi.
Who collects something unusual: Everyone has something that’s unusual to others, Shi and Skull seem to be mutually working on collecting bruises ...Punchy is apparently collecting ‘Bad Taste in Men’ if we’re counting that one night involving Hare - wait… what was the question?
...owls. Punchy collects little owl figurines.
Who takes the longest to get ready: Tied between Shi and Punchy. Probably Punchy.
Who is the most tidy and organized: Skull. Hands down, the guy has his shit together - locked down tight with no signs of budging. He makes rumpled still look put-together. He is a man with a plan for his plan. Punchy might have a militant background, place for everything and everything in its place - so best not be disturbing my shit, but she’s got nothing on Mr. Never Ruffled. Shi might be medically meticulous, but has a fondness to relaxing and being casual in the personal aspects - but Skull? The man has life in a fucking choke-hold and is ready to bear down if it so much as twitches out of line.
Who gets most excited about the holidays: Who wore a santa hat THAT ONE GODDAMN TIME… nah, Punchy likes holidays when it’s not related to Bottler’s ‘trot out in front of shareholders and government contractors to blow smoke up their asses’ thing.
Who is the big spoon/little spoon: Shi is still the Lil Spoon. Skull is the middle of the ice-cream sandwich. Because he’s a cold fuckin bastard with a sweetheart on either side.
Who gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports: Some games have been outright banned due to the level of aggression shown by Punchy and Skull. Monopoly for one, still trying to find a sport that both of them can hold a mutual outrage towards.
Who starts the most arguments: That’s a tie. They all need to practice ‘reasonable adults having a conversation that does not generally include slurs about mothers and or creators’
Who suggests that they buy a pet: No one.
What couple traditions they have: Bad day for you? Yeah, bad day for me too. Meet up and we all get it out of our systems - see you tonight.
What tv shows they watch together: Movie night occasionally is pick from a hat - goddamn it, it’s a rom-com, why the hell are these in here? Why do you have these Meg Ryan movies?? Sometimes it’s just watch whatever is on, even if it’s settling on a documentary and using it as background noise.
What other couple they hang out with: ...Does Jack Daniels and Jimmy Beam count as a couple? They’re not really a ‘hang-out with others as a couple’ sort of folk, it’d be a very rare thing to see all three sharing the same space in public. Better chance as a pair. Maybe a ‘Fancy meeting you, lets go for a walk - yes, he’s tailing us.’ Could happen, but don’t hold your breath.
How they spend time together as a couple: Movie watching, take-out nights, sitting down and figuring out tax forms. Bitching about the news. Bitching about politics. Coming to near blows over board games.
Who made the first move: None of your business.
Who brings flowers home: No. No flowers. Maybe Punchy giving them both a christmas cactus. It reflects your nature. Yer both pricks.
Who is the best cook: At least this incarnation Shi’s cooking is not a OSHA violation, that alone is a small mercy.
"Prudence. I know you took it. I checked the truck. I think, perhaps, I am at fault for this behavior of yours of late, I've been too soft, gotten too comfortable. You've grown a sentimental side and look where it's gotten us."
"You're only human, I suppose it's expected to happen from time to time. But you needed that harsh reminder, it hurt me so to do it, but I knew it had to be done for the greater good."
"So, I'm going to be the bigger person and we're going to start new. Fresh. You know how we're going to do that? I'm going to forgive you for this mistake. Because I know, deep down, that you didn't mean it, you're My Prudence. My Punch. My Partner. Til the final curtain call, right?"
"So you're going to go and bring back the core you took. I'll even be so kind to letting you keep the rest of her, if you're honestly that attached, but, I want the core and a hammer so I can properly dispose of it for good. That's a risky thing to allow you to keep. And I want her face. I want you to be the one that hangs it up, let it be a symbol of our reforged partnership, but I want you to bring it. It's not right if I have to tear apart your work area until I find it, and if Handerson took it? Maybe he’s overdue for a system wipe.”
“But believe me, I will get it, even if you're that determined to be stubborn and waste my time."
"And once we're done, we're going to forget this silly business with marigolds and you're going to tell me where The Crew is going to strike out next - it's been far too long since we've done a building raid and I know a handful of the city’s finest would be more than happy to see a few businesses getting a clean-up now that the merchandise has been worked up."
"What do you say, Prudence? Here's to a fresh start?"
