I got this from my bestfriend, and I don't know where she got this. Thanks, anyway.
“The “parang kayo, pero hindi” stage. Others call it MU or mutual
understanding. Pseudo-relationships. Pseudo-boyfriends. Flings. Almost like a
relationship, but not quite. It is a phase where the persons involved are more
than friends, but not quite lovers. Puwedeng may verbal agreement,
puwedeng wala. One or both of you may have admitted your feelings,
possible ding hindi. You just let your gestures do the talking for you. Walang
pormal na ligawan na nangyari. Hindi kayo mag-dyowa. Pero sa kilos niyo, sa
mga sinasabi niyo, parang kayo, pero hindi.
This kind of “relationship” can happen at different stages for different reasons.
It can happen after a break-up. You still love each other, and you want to be
with each other but you broke up for a reason. And for reasons that you
alone know, ayaw niyo na muna magkabalikan.
It can also happen before a relationship, iyong pareho kayong nakikiramdam.
Possible din na ayaw niyo munang mag-seryoso kaya kunwa-kunwarian lang
muna. Testing lang. Puwede ring hindi puwedeng maging kayo kasi isa sa inyo
–usually the guy –may ka-relasyon na. Kaya habang hindi pa siya
nakikipag-break doon sa girl (sabi niya makikipag-break siya soon pero di
naman niya ginagawa), wala muna kayong relasyon para nga naman
hindi siya nangagaliwa kasi “hindi naman kayo.”
This pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, can be fun. Lalo na kung
naghahanap ka lang naman ng “kalaro.” Pero huwag ka lang mag-e-expect na
may patutunguhan kayo kasi wala
talagang kasiguraduhan.
So bakit ang daming nagse-settle sa ganitong setup ganoong hindi naman
sigurado kung may patutunguhan?
Iba’t ibang dahilan. Puwedeng for fun lang. Puwedeng “buti na iyan kesa wala”
or puwede na iyang “pantawid-gutom”. Meaning, habang wala pa iyong the
real thing, doon muna sa kunwa-kunwarian.
For those who are not in a serious relationship, they would think that
pseudo-relationship is better than no relationship at all. It would be fun, if all
you are after for is that “kilig” feeling.
Aminado naman ako na once upon a time, may mga pseudo-relationships din
ako. No commitments involved. For the simplest reason that they couldn’t
commit, because they were either committed to someone else, or that they
My rationalization, “okay na iyun, kesa wala.”
Ang habol ko lang naman, iyong kilig feeling. Iyong merong nagtatanong kung
kumusta araw ko. Iyong kapag tumunog ang cellphone, mapapangiti na ako
dahil alam kong galing sa kanya ang message. Iyong merong laging kasama.
Habang wala pa ang the real thing, puwede na itong pagtiyagaan.
But then I learned that although it was only a pseudo-relationship, the
emotions were real. And usually, in this kind of set up, ang babae lagi ang lugi.
Una, you can’t ask him to commit. Since it’s not really a relationship, you can’t
demand commitment from your partner. Ano ba kayo? May K ka nga ba
magpasundo ng hatinggabi? You will always be uncertain about your role in
his life. You can’t expect him to be always there with you. And if you feel
jealous of the other girls, you just have to keep it to yourself. Ano ka ba niya
Pangalawa, what if you fall deeply in love with him? You can’t be sure if he
feels the same way. Baka nag-a-assume ka lang na mahal ka rin niya. Even if
you are dying to tell him you love him, you can’t. Because you’re not sure if
he’ll like it. Baka mapahiya ka lang. This stage will always make you wonder
where you are in the relationship. Or if there is a relationship at all.
Lastly, what if you become attached too much? What if you have invested all
your emotions and this man hasn’t? What if you remain faithful to him, not
entertaining other guys, only to
find out that he is seeing other girls?
Isa pang downside ng pseudo-relationships, it is fleeting. When a
disagreement sets in, or when one of you gets cold, then that would be the
end of it. Unlike in a serious relationship, hindi mo alam kung saan ka lulugar
sa isang pseudo-relationship. Wala kang pinanghahawakan. Kasi sa
pseudo-relationship, there is no “us.” Meron lang “you and me,” hindi “us.”
Buti sana kung pseudo-pain din lang ang mararanasan mo. Kaso, hindi eh.
Real pain. And usually, kahit tapos na ang pseudo-relationship, hindi mo
maiwasan umasang one day, may
karugtong pa rin iyun. And you will be miserable, hoping to bring back what
you used to have, only to find out eventually that the guy is in another
pseudo-relationship with somebody else.
Ang hirap, ano? You agreed to this kind of set up for fun and then you’d end
up hurting yourself in the process.
Pero puwede naman maiwasan ang pain eh. Puwede naman na hindi mo muna
isipin ang future and just enjoy the feeling, without thinking of the
But if you are certain that you are going to hurt yourself in the process,
kailangan mo mamili. You can be happy and live the moment without
worrying what would happen next. Or you can stop settling with
pseudo-relationships and wait for the real thing.
When I was younger and in a pseudo-relationship with an unavailable guy, a
friend told me, “Sige, kung ayaw mong magpapigil, bahala ka. Magpakasaya
ka. Pero huwag kang iiyak-iyak pagkatapos, dahil tatadyakan kita.”
Ang bottom line lang naman, kung magpapasaya sa iyo, gawin mo. Ihanda mo
lang ang sarili mo sa consequence. Dahil ang “parang kayo pero hindi” stage
ay bihirang nagiging totoo. Usually, hanggang doon lang siya… almost, but not
