#psy2k

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I have an idea for an AU I've been calling "static"

Basically, It's about an older Raz (PSY2K, 25) who's been dealing with adult life, mixing with horrid PTSD and pressures from his decade and a half of working with the psychonauts. He slowly started to spend more and more time inside his own mind as a defense mechanism. It's nicer in there, not having to worry about all the awful adult pressures and realities of being a secret agent. And his archetype, one never allowed to grow up, Doodle, is here to help! He's more than willing to encourage this, happy for the return of his old playmate! So, he encourages Raz to keep spending more and more time in the little hold of fantasy they've made together, to make sure they're as safe from danger as possible.

But this is slowly, but surely, making things worse for Raz. He's drifting constantly between the world of fantasy and reality, daydreaming and allowing his body to move on autopilot. He has a hard time remembering to eat, sleep, shower, and finds himself spending more time in his office than out on the field, He's having a harder time differentiating between his fantasies and reality, and he's quickly noticing how much more sluggish and tired he is. Everything in the real world feels so much more intense, so much worse, it feels nice to let his mind just drift... drift and let Doodle take the helm.

Raz knows. Raz knows if he keeps drifting like this, the tether keeping himself to his body will snap, and he'll die. He doesn't care. He can't care. At least it will be less outright. Doodle doesn't understand death. When he dies, he just pops right back up! Why wouldn't Raz? He's Doodles playmate, and his favorite toy can't break permanently, right?

[psi-spectacular]

Raz age up redesign!

Razputin Aquato, once a poor kid in a travelling curcus dreaming of meeting his idols, has now found himself at a level he could only previously dream of. One of the youngest agents to join the psychonauts and already a senior agent at 24, he’s a prodigy. And quite the popular one at that, outselling even Sasha and Milla when it comes to his comics and merchandise. He’s an inspiration to all, and psychic kids all over the world look up to him. 

He’s well-known and well-liked, easily relatable, and known for his kindness and humor. He’s worked hard to get where he is, and now all his dreams have come true. He should be happier than he’s ever been, out of poverty, with his partners by his side, all the love and praise he could ever want, a psychonaut doing all the cool missions he dreamed about as a child.

So why isn’t he happy? 

He should be happy, shouldn’t he? But he isn’t. He’s deeply broken and miserable, in a way that he can only hide those broken parts in the shell of the action hero everyone sees him as. But he has a hard time seeing it. 

He’s hardworking, sure. He works hard to improve and grow, works himself late into the night to avoid slacking behind. He works himself to the bone when he “fails”, going over a certain mistake over and over to train it out of himself until his body burns and he feels he’s worked enough.

He hasn’t had much control over his life ever since joining the psychonauts. He could have left, sure, but what will he do? He was homeschooled most of his life; now he doesn’t have a high school diploma or even any reliable education. Even if he managed to get a GED with his busy schedule, he probably couldn’t find a job that fits his skillset as well as the one he has.

He does his best to control what he can. He controls his food intake, how he looks, and how he acts. Making sure he looks and acts absolutely perfect, keeping himself in a stringent routine while tossing in a bit of dorky relatability to keep things around. His hair, his body, his face, his thoughts, are all things that must be strictly controlled and sculpted. To keep himself popular, to keep himself from being hated. If he slips, he believes everyone will despise him. Why wouldn’t they?

He doesn’t entirely feel like a person anymore. He’s more like a doll, presentable and marketable, plastic all the way down. He doesn’t understand why people even like him, but he needs to do his best to keep this up. He loves the love he gets, even if he doesn’t feel like he deserves it. He needs to enjoy it while he can, or else they’ll understand how absolutely hollow he is. 

All he knows is he needs to be good. His thoughts, his actions, all need to be good, because otherwise, he’s bad. He needs to be a hero because otherwise, he’s a villain. And for all he knows, that childish mentality will

[psi-spectacular]

fankid posting once more

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ignore how it looks but heres a tiktok vid I did

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im having an autism blast i think. anyways raz

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unmasking

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i listened to too much mitski and this guy appeared on my screen help??

bonus sketches under the cut (tw for self harm mention)

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what if i told you psy2k raz was underweight and malnourished.

what if i told you hes naturally supposed to be chubbier but he's scared of becoming it