Earwigs
So, I’m scared shitless of Earwig/Pincer bugs. I don’t really know why, I just hate the way they move/wriggle. So I’m lounging in bed, scrolling FB. And my room is dark because I share a room with my 9 year old sister and she’s already asleep. I have the fan on, I’m relaxed, and I feel this tickling sensation against my forearm, which I at first assume to be my hair. You know, because I have the fan on. Except my hair is pulled back into a bun. And then I realize “Shit. Those are tiny legs.” So I tilt my phone to illuminate the little bastard, expecting to see a spider, so I can flick it off, and instead I see this vaguely dark, oblong shaped bug and I IMMEDIATELY FEEL MY HEART STOP BECAUSE FUCK THATS AN EARWIG. Which I brush off onto my blanket, scoot my blanket off, and roll off my bed onto my floor with my phone. And my bed sits like, directly on the floor so it’s only a foot high, but still. And this all takes place in about 2 seconds, and in the same two seconds I’m holding my breath and thinking to myself “SHHHH YOU CANNOT SCREAM OR YOU WILL SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF YOUR LITTLE SISTER.” So I texted my mom to come rescue me, and turned the flashlight on my phone toward the bed to keep tabs on the little devil until she got there and sure enough I see this little shit scurry across my blankets. It’s a mother fuckin silverfish. It’s not even an earwig. I nearly started hyperventilating over the wrong bug. But my mommy killed it for me anyway <3 animality--opera gatobob
