And we NEVER talk about how the war effected Jack and I cant stand if dawg
War just made everything feel so temporary and uncertain. I think that is a factor in why Joe's death did not hit as hard as Kick's. Primarily I would say it was because of their closeness and understanding of each other, but I also think it is partly because Kick's death was so unexpected. Joe had a very dangerous navy job and the possibility of death was always hanging over him. Jack had a knack for building up shells and I really think he sort of built one around the fleeting possibility that he might come away from the war as the eldest Kennedy son. I don't mean that he was prepared for Joe to die or that it wasn't devastating, I only mean to say that there was a constant worry for Joe's safety. He knew that Joe could die at any moment. Joe had already had brushes with death in the navy. Kick's death was just such an unexpected blow. She's away in England, and now she's dead. Jack hadn't braced for that possibility like he had for Joe. I bring this up because war had such a profound impact on Jack because he truly began to understand mortality beyond just hospital stays-- he said goodbye to his brother one day and knew that very well could be the last time they saw each other. And it was.
Jack felt a great deal of guilt about PT-109. He never asked to be a hero. And he knew that he was only commanding that boat because his father pulled a few strings. Losing those two men had a profound impact on him. I've read a letter where he talks about how young they are, how they had families. But I've also read a letter where they are a footnote almost-- "lost a couple men" tossed into a letter. Nothing elaborated beyond that. I don't fault Jack for that-- his vagueness regarding them and his humility when being praised for his heroism ("It was involuntary. They sank my boat") all seemingly stem from a feeling of inadequacy he had felt his whole life. He's always been the sick one, the weak one, the lesser one... and if a more qualified man had been commanding that boat, would they still be alive? Just that constant internal narrative. He had to be vague because allowing himself to think about it would drive him insane. And accepting praise for a situation he regrets being in felt wrong.
I often think of a letter Joe Jr wrote to Jack-- in typical Joe Jr. fashion, it is haughty and critical (that's something I've lightly touched on here and could write books about).
"What I really want to know is where the hell were you when the destroyer hove into sight, and exactly what were your moves?”
While everyone is praising Jack, Joe is calling him out-- and I think what Joe is saying is what Jack has been thinking in his head the whole time. It's so easy to get caught up in replaying every moment and "what if". Jack wrote countless handwritten letters to the families of the boys he lost. Those two deaths affected him so much and I hardly see it acknowledged.
