Mar 28, 2019
PTSD is not a good thing to have when you want to sleep.
All those repressed memories be like, "I DIDN'T GET NO SLEEP CUZ YA'LL AND YA'LL GONNA GET NO SLEEP CUZ ME!!"
seen from Poland
seen from United States
seen from Morocco
seen from United States
seen from Germany
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from Japan
seen from Sweden
seen from Germany
seen from Türkiye
seen from Malaysia
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from Germany
seen from United States
seen from Russia
seen from United States
seen from Italy
seen from United States
PTSD is not a good thing to have when you want to sleep.
All those repressed memories be like, "I DIDN'T GET NO SLEEP CUZ YA'LL AND YA'LL GONNA GET NO SLEEP CUZ ME!!"
still kinda wanna throw up. too bad im like almost physically unable to. ahwell.
me: sitting on the couch with the cat, worked from home that day, did some outdoor basking in he middle of a bunch of plants doing really well all around good
brain: hey
me: ignores brain and watches episode of the office with asian jim
brain: hey hey hey
me: ignores brain harder and plays little dragon game on phone
brain: DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN YOU ALMOST DIED
seriously every time things start going well my brain is like “now is an excellent time to deal with things”
A really dear friend of mine works for the Sonoma County fire department, you know where there was just a massive wildfire that destroyed everything in like half the county. He's been texting me about PTSD because they're still dealing with the aftermath and he's the photographer that has to document all the damage. It's intense. I'm driving out there tomorrow to see him and ??? Try not to freak out too much?? Like it's not my trauma but that's definitely some triggering stuff.
I am only moderately functional. I'm struggling to cope with some particular situations in my life plus the politics. Everything is flaring up! all my illnesses! How soon can I get out of this country? I'm afraid I won't survive if this country gets any more stressful.
Awake too early thanks to nightmares. I hate dreaming. Reality is too confusing. I just want to sleep.
I mean, I think I do have serious (not good) tendency to latch on to things and stick with them, even when I shouldn't. I should have left that relationship, I should have left my last church and especially the one before it. But I'm very bad at knowing that it's okay to want to leave. I'm bad at knowing it's okay to want, period. Something to work on, I guess.
The guy who assaulted me last year emailed to remind me! Thanks dude. There’s a reason I stopped answering your calls. He seems totally clueless about the fact that I don’t think fondly of the memories and that I don’t trust him. I want to say it’s a language and/or culture difference issue, but I think he’s really that ignorant and/or entitled that he thinks I have any interest in any contact with him.