#punkrockpukepumpkin

[hipsterzombiesquad]

So we were watching Bobby Duke Arts and it was something about rocks and Nick says, "you know because we were poor when I was a kid, I used to play with rocks."

And in my head I'm like, hell yeah dude me too I fucking love rocks. But he's still talking about these rocks and I'm remembering all the silly things I did with rocks so I stop reminiscing and pay attention.

"And I would get a little rock" - okay me too I loved little rocks - "and I would smash it under a bigger rock"

I looked at him. We made eye contact. He was so serious as he made a big-rock-mercilessly-smashing-little-rock motion with his hands. I lost it. I don't know why but I started laughing so hard we both started laugh crying.

I had to explain why I was laughing so hard (other than the rock pit fights he used to Lord over). I used to play with rocks like they were little toys. I would give them faces and names and make them little paper houses. So I was not expecting that turn of events.

Its been five minutes and I'm still laughing about it. Send help.

[foster-the-beeple]

The birdies say WAKE UP DAD ITS TIME TO SCREAM They're starting to get the hang of flying through doorways and when they hear an alarm, they know its time for people to wake up.

[jovishark]

a commission for @punkrockpukepumpkin!

[hipsterzombiesquad]

Boyfriend shaming - all of these in one afternoon, and he left them in the bird room. Shame.

[hipsterzombiesquad]

Just little depression/anxiety things

Becoming overwhelmed and sobbing while your boyfriend feeds you yogurt and makes silly faces trying to make you laugh. Which is what this started out as but your brain has no idea what to do and so now you're crying and sobbing and the face wipes you used ten minutes ago smell gross and all you can manage to get out is "it smells like poop" before sobbing some more.

Just little depression/anxiety things.

[hipsterzombiesquad]

Funny Bird Story Time

The birds are out. Nick and I were on the bed actually kissing and being like 8th-grade-innocent-makeout frisky. Suddenly we realize Wade isn't on the cage, and we're trying to find him without actually getting off the bed because there are a few places on a six foot long cage that he could be. Now, I'm laying on top of nick and so I grab my glasses to see what's going on when suddenly he starts yelling "What is that? OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT?!" with a look of pure panic I can only describe as chest-buster levels of terror. I don't have my glasses on yet so I'm starting to freak out. Then, he yells "WADE IS ON THE BED" and his horror is only intensified as Wade, innocent of human anatomy, decides the best course of action to get to his people is to try climbing directly up my boyfriends crotch.

So I save the bird and my boyfriend and then collapse on the bed and we both spend the next five minutes laughing hysterically while Wade tries desperately to figure out what the heck his people are doing.

Moral of the story - birds really shouldn't be kept in the bedroom because they'll give you a heart attack when you're trying to makeout with your partner.

And don't use the line "we literally just got cock blocked" if your partner doesn't appreciate puns because you'll be told to leave

[hipsterzombiesquad]

Nick: Do you want taco bell?

Me: Do YOU want taco bell?

Nick: I want Chinese.

Me: Why did you ask if I wanted taco bell???

[hipsterzombiesquad]

My boyfriend drunkenly confessing how much he likes cats with bonus Wade in the background feeling betrayed like "dad why I thought you loved me most"