PureSwiss Mineral Water 500mL Bottle ($1.89)
PureSwiss is the first glass bottle being reviewed and is much anticipated. Despite the superior packaging as well as potential import tariffs, the price is relatively low. Hailing from the Swiss Alps, this is a mineral water from the San Bernardino area. Although the packaging is a step above the norm, the cap is a simple metal top, as opposed to a cork.
Lifting the cap reveals a slight scent of cheese and ocean water. These are not necessarily negative connotations, albeit unusual for water so I am not deterred.
Bleh! I have tasted something no man should taste. The glass bottle has done wonders to preserve the foul sapidity of this water. For a neutral nation, Switzerland has manage to export an incredibly offensive and dare I say aggressive water. I taste hints of everything from cured fish eggs, to rusty scalpel and hikers feet. Either something in the Swiss Alps has been contaminated or they are merely exporting waste. I fear that my tongue may need to seek rape counseling.
The Water Connoisseur gives this bottle 1.5 Crystal Goblets out of 5.
This water is not recommended for human consumption. Alternate recommended uses include soaking then drying t-shirts for preshrinking, super soaker ammo, and creating fake puddles in preparation for a date to later drop a coat onto and portray chivalry.