It’s time to say goodbye.
A door has been opened, and I’m having to deal with something I didn’t want to do but now...
First my first post:
https://kantuck.tumblr.com/post/188701470689/had-to-share
That post helped. Helped a great deal. I heard a quote once long ago "The reaper causes pain, yes. But he also takes away pain." This also points out just that, and puts me back on the right path. But also it's not damned fair. 16 years ago I brought home this black lab when it's former owner passed on. I remember so clearly our hikes, his playfulness while young. Never sick in his life. Now...16 years later, he's so weak I can barely get him on his paws to do his business. He can't see, probably can't hear well, maybe in pain. Just sleeps. I ask...is it worth it to have relationships, companionship's with animals knowing that your going to be hurt again? I see mother's dog now 3 and know that in 7 years or so it'll be the twilight of her life. Is it fair that she won't live as long as I? I'll go though my own life without her by my side? To make the cycle start again? I'm not a theologian, I'm just some dumb hillbilly who is unsure about a lot of things.
Then...
I just finished watching The Flash "There will be blood" https://www.cwtv.com/shows/the-flas.....f-3b635b603a77 It's what I needed. I'm going to have to say goodbye to Thunder, soon. I watched the exchange between Barry, and Joe, and kept seeing Thunder and I; He being the Flash, I being joe. Barry told Joe that above all, Joe was the one who made him what he was. How he could be a hero, accept that he was going to die. all because of Joe. He said that if it wasn't for Joe, he'd never be the Flash, he wouldn't have saved all those lives, had such a wonderful life. I saw then, Thunder was telling me the same thing. If I hadn't rescued him, became his pack alpha, there is no telling what sort of life he'd had, even if he would had one. I gave him life, and he's had his run. Barry said that he'll never leave Joe, even after he was gone. Just like Dot has never quite left me, nor has Feather. I remember them, I remember the good times. I feel Thunder would be the same way. I think now I can finally say goodbye to him. I see another good coming from being terminated from Tyson. I can be here for the little time I have left with my best friend and to let mother's dog help me though this time period. Give her what I gave Thunder. I've been fighting this for two straight years and I'm tired. I don't want to do the wrong thing. I've been so hoping the reaper would take him first but I'm being denied that. So...it'll be up to me. Call the vet, ask him to come by, give him the injection. Watch my best friend sleep for the final time. Is this right? Am I doing the right thing? Great Mystery take this weather. I need to get out into the wilds and it's pouring.