Qi Sili x reader
A/N - Closed beta test just ended and I'm already missing them. 😭😭 Probably somewhat OOC because all I know of him is from the CBT but my brain wouldn't leave me alone. Kinda angsty.
“A designer's first imperative is to know why they create.”
It is Qi Sili's favourite phrase and his guiding light when it comes to designing, and it's also the phrase that makes him the biggest hypocrite in the world. For he has long lost the reason he designs, and yet he continues to do so, guided by stubborn desperation to not lose the one thing left that connects him to you.
He had started designing for you, of a desire to see you in clothes that would enhance your beauty. To leave his mark on you for the world to see. To ensure that you could be both beautiful and comfortable, for he had often heard that beauty was pain, and he could not stand the thought of you being in pain.
And yet, despite that, he can no longer truly remember you as you were, the crinkle in your eyes when you truly smiled, the warmth of your eyes, the scent and warmth of your skin, the timber of your voice. If you were to appear in front of him again, in a different skin, he would no longer be sure if he would recognise the shape of your spirit.
All he has left of you are imitations, poor imitations in the form of paintings and carvings, and even the most exquisite of those did not capture even an iota of your beauty, and yet, those are all he has left. He mourns the fact that photography and videography were created too late, so maybe he would not suffer so if he could capture your image in videos, and yet, he knows that too is a lie, nothing could capture the essence of you when you are fuller than life itself.
He dreamt of you that night, as he did most nights. None of those dreams linger in the morning light, fading like your presence in his life, and yet, he knew that he dreamt of you because the lingering aching loss that steals his breath is the only thing that remains. Sometimes small bits linger a bit longer, and he savours as much as he mourns, a flash of a smile, the movement of fabric, a soft voice calling his name, bright eyes alight with joy and yet, those too fade before he can truly grasp them.
Unlike everyone else that he had met throughout his existence, you had wanted nothing from him, nothing but one thing, to stay with you. And so he did, even as centuries passed, he had been claimed so thoroughly by you that he didn't know how to be anything but yours. His physical body may be in the present, but his spirit is stuck in the past where you are still beside him.
