#qtti stuff

[qtti]

[qtti]

Ok ok so during Monday one of my classmates referred to me as she for the millionth time after correcting them that it is not he right pronounce to use. So I got majorly pissed off cause it is starting to seem deliberate. Or they don't care. Either way, it's disrespectful. With that feeling, later on the teacher assistant also ended up by saying something like (mind that I had never been to this class and never met this person): "She is alright..." As to say that I had permission to do the things in class by myself because I couldn't discuss things with people because my voice was almost completely gone. But hearing two times two different people misgendering me back to back I got into a state of fucking fuming. I was already not in a right headspace and then I was reminded again that people try to stuff me into a box I didn't want to be in. I reacted as maybe be expected, with my hoarse voice I just stated, with visible frustration that I am not a she. The situation didn't allow for me to go on, my voice couldn't handle that. But that moment felt so vulnerable to me. I had to break out a weak protest with my barely working voice to correct another person of their awful presumption. It further frustrated me knowing that this person was a doctoral student and highly educated, but they still fumbled on such common practice in here where I live. In academic setting, people quite rarely assume. They've learned to be respectful.

Fast forward to today, later on the teacher assistant approached me, apologizing and asking for my correct pronounce. I was genuinely so thankful that they had gone the extra step to correct their mistake. I also apologized for my frustrated reaction, explaining that I was not in the right headspace that day to begin with in general. I had left the lesson prematurely because of how vulnerable I felt. I cried. And I've been pissed and been reflections on these experiences for days.

It keeps happening again and again, people assuming and me correcting. I hate it. I know for a fact that I don't owe gender neutrality to anyone in order to be respected. Then, people do ask, how would they know you are nonbinary by the way you present? Well, what I think in general is that no matter what someone looks like, one should never assume their gender. I don't get how being neutral about it until you know their preference for sure is that difficult. There aren't that many of us nonbinary people, I know, it must be strange to encounter one in these settings if you have surrounded yourself with a cis bubble. Still. I just wish cis people could be more considerate, more respectful and more neutral and teach their brain to stop jumping into conclusions of someone's identity.

I am growing so tired of educating. It frustrates me that I have to constantly fight for my identity to be respected in every situation. I know people make mishaps. But shouldn't a respectful person want to teach themselves to be less prejudiced? You wouldn't make such assumptions if you were to program your brain to treat people as neutral until you gain actual insight.

Yeah...

[qtti]

Every time someone misgenders me an angel loses its wings and a fairy dies, btw

[qtti]

nnmnnn details

[qtti]

I'll redner it.-... someday,, noworries...

[qtti]

ists... thingings so hardd it won't let me drawm ore.. . ::/

[qtti]

Extreme isolation. I don't belong anywhere at all. I'm odd, I'm off, they don't even know who I am actually deep down. I'm funny, energic I'm silly, witty, and so so caring. But they don't know. Will they ever know? That I'm not the person they see? An anxious, lonely bastard. They hate me. They don't like me. I don't belong. I don't belong anywhere at all. Nobody gets me, not ever my "friends", they don't actually give a single shit other than themselves. Stop fucking pitying me assholes. I don't need anyone. Fuck everything.

[qtti]

I look at this computer you gave me my dear brother, thank you so much. You've saved me in my life more than enough times. You've been the best sibling one could ever ask for. I'll always be grateful, I'll always cherish you. Thank you for every single thing you ever did for me. Thank you... for everything... always...