the investigation is underway and i have to say this is probably my favourite session so far??
“it’s not very expansive” “it’s got to be more expansive than the list he gave us” “it’s really not”
the party go investigate around the senate
matt: has tarrik ever seen a gnome before? / me: i don’t know, has he?
“we’re so good at this game”
we really need to work on character voices bc i just realised bany was talking in character not out of character like i was
the first interrogation is a mess
“we’re reporters for the royal…. guard….. [something i can’t hear but that sounds a lot like ‘nut station’]"
“she’s not a dumbass, and we are, so we should tell her”
the gang tells neriona the truth of the assassination plot
“we’re great at this game” “we are” [kat chokes]
everyone has given up on remembering petpetor’s name and started calling him “not-calligula”
the gang makes a decision to vote on whether or not to frame neriona at the end of the investigation
neriona informs them that petpetor pulled some of the acolyte’s funding for himself, and the party decides to go investigate the acolytes
they go visit the temples outside of town
“i feel so out of place here” “how do you think tarrik feels?”
they talk to the priestess of jupiter, a halfling woman
“HEY! how do you feel about our lord and saviour petpetor?”
the priestess (sylienne, not that they ever ASKED) informs them that the emperor actually stole donations from the temples
tarrik asks about people coming to the temple of invidia out of anger and sylienne points them towards xia lun, the head priest of invidia
they point the party toward their friend vidant, a cleric of invidia who runs a healer’s surgery in town
they need a reason to enter the healers’ and so pluto stabs himself in the shoulder with his dagger and rolls maximum damage
vidant takes them into the room and heals pluto
reeliel steals some papers with recipes for various healing elixirs and several spells from his desk and hands them to grelynn whilst this is happening
pluto pickpockets vidant
“what is WRONG with you?” “it’s been a while since i stole something!”
“if this ever comes up again fully expect me to just deck pluto” “you and tarrik will have some great experiences together"
vidant asks pluto if he wants to keep the dagger
“i’m assuming it belongs to the person who stabbed you, but you can take it if you want” “no, it’s mine, i just kind of fell on the dagger” “i’m- i’m sorry, you fell on a dagger?” “yeah, i have… i have troubles” “do you have problems with your legs? is there something i can help you with?” “no, i… i guess i’m just a bit of a masochist”
tarrik takes the dagger whilst this is going on
“i’m going to say let’s not frame neriona because i feel so bad for her having to watch after us”
“haven isn’t the best place to live, and it hasn’t been for a long time-“ “no shit”
galle for president 2k17
they have a conversation about the cyclic nature of corruption and assassination
“i’ve given up hope” “you could be the leader?” “PLUTO, NO!”
“you’re very lucky you’ve never met the emperor” “you want grapes? tell him where he can stick his grapes!"
“you’ve met the emperor?” “NO” “unfortunately” “we robbed him” “so have you met him, have you not met him, or did you rob him?” “yes”
“are you asking me these questions because you’re planning on killing the emperor?"
“we won’t kill him. we might rob him though”
vidant reveals that he has a sister, lumea, who works in the apothecary next door
the party decides to go check out the apothecary
or rather, tarrik decides, and everyone follows him to make sure he doesn’t destroy anything
pluto pays for his medical treatment with the money he stole from his healer
galle goes straight to the poison shelf. the others follow. because that’s not suspicious at all.
kat: drops her phone and screams
“guys i have 20 gold who has 130”
“if i catch you stealing money from someone who needs it i’m going to fucking deck you”
“tarrik whispers to pluto, ‘don’t even fucking think about it’”
neriona is holding onto everyone’s money (she assumed it was stolen) and also has a licence to hold poisons and so she buys the truth serum the party is looking at
“neriona! friend!” “old buddy old pal!”
they have a short discussion with lumea and figure that neither of the pirmel siblings are guilty
“i vote that after we stab petpetor in the back we try to install neriona as empress because i got wildly attached to her and she’s been doing a good job”
“i just think she’s the best option.... and also galle’s just a little bit of a lesbian, so” “MOOD"
“does anyone have zone of truth?” “i had the option of having it but i didn’t think we’d need it” “saaaame” “goddamnit”
the party asks ilah to take them to the criminal underground
(also galle calls ilah sis and that’s adorable)
they have a discussion about what to do with neriona and make a deal that if they catch the culprit then neriona won’t go after any of them or their criminal contacts
“don’t tell her that!” “she knows you’re criminals anyway. she arrested you. did you forget that."
“you said west, i said west philadelphia, was she born and raised?” [a chorus of sighs]
“do we all rush in?” [sigh] “goddamnit"
neriona is dressed up in grelynn’s cloak, reeliel’s hat, and tarrik’s mask to hide her identity
ilah tells her contacts that she needs to go downstairs. her contacts move a rug to reveal a trapdoor and stairs to the literal criminal underground
they go down to a cavern containing the black market
“so the BLACK MARKET…. is there parade here?” “no…” “stop” “MARCHING CRIMINALS!” “you’re terrible”
[matt and kat proceed to collapse into hysterics]
tarrik goes and talks to a drow selling crystals
“they’re crystals, my man, i don’t know what you want me to say here” “it’s been a long time since someone called me ‘my man’”
nobody can say the word suspicious
pluto spots a couple of people in the corner of the cavern- a half elf woman and a man in a cloak- and the party heads over to investigate
“can i help you?” “yes” “what can i help you with?” “um… i’m looking to have the not-calligula killed, could you help?” “….i’m sorry?”
the woman reveals that she trades in creatures- she ships and sells magical beats and monsters
pluto asks about her client- the cloaked man, now revealed to be a dragonborn- and the client aims a knife at him
tarrik tries to push pluto behind him but fails on a strength contest
the client grabs pluto in a headlock and holds a dagger to his neck
“how long would it take for me to get a pseudodragon?” “yeah, ignoring that guy in a headlock, how much it would be for a t rex?”
me, exhausted: give me a second to look this up
(the answer is: way out of their price range)
“hey, i’m really sorry if i offended you, i know offending words cause offence”
the dragonborn pushes pluto on the ground and leaves
grelynn is the only one who rolls high enough to see him and follows him through a tunnel out of the market
the others don’t see where she goes and so tarrik communicates with her telepathically using awakened mind while they wait
“have you got something in your mouth?” “[muffled] yes, a pencil” “you could just sit it down on the table” “[muffled] i could, but that’s too easy"
grelynn loses track of the guy but manages to track him to outside of the death arena
“you know the master of the arena?” “yeah?” “is he a dragonborn by any chance?” “yeeeeaaaah… i didn’t plan for any of you to figure this out!"
the party manages to figure out that the gamesmaster (etu) has been conferring with the beast trader to get new creatures for the arena
“to the tunnel! dndndndndn!”
the party makes its way to etu’s office, which is where we’ll resume next session
we did another d&d session yesterday and it was. a lot of fun. here’s a list of things that happened and things people said in a roughly chronological order. i’ve already done three of these, i’m sure you guys know the drill by now.
the session opens with reeliel and tarrik in the infirmary
“everything about that is just a paradox. the infirmary of the death arena”
[the game is interrupted by a phone call]
“tarrik, shut up, don’t make it worse!” “i’m already half dead, how much worse could it get?” “you could be fully dead”
this time we’re doing double battles
galle and grelynn are paired up against an ogre
“it’s been so long we’ve forgotten how to play d&d”
“so that’s 9 damage…. he hits you really hard”
“so you rolled a three” “[dejected] yeah” “you just fall over”
“we bonded! by… tripping over ourselves for a turn!”
“there are two more fights, and then hopefully, no more fights!”
galle trips a dude just for fun
“i just wanna be a dick sometimes, ‘kay?”
pluto is teamed up with ilah (an npc based on an oc)
“kill her” “noOO!”
“i already killed her once i can’t kill her again. bany might actually murder me” “i would”
“has his eye been healed?” “no, he’s still blind” “he’s not all of a sudden going to become not blind”
“you stabbed him like FOUR TIMES in the eye”
“it’s just a little bit scratched” “a LITTLE BIT?”
“he needs a bit of tlc, okay?” “he needs a new fucking eye!”
“thoth didn’t look very friendly at first, but look at him now. blind and my best friend”
“is the monster just watching this?” “yeah, it’s last in initiative order and talking is a free action”
[talking about the squirrel that my family has been feeding] bany: we have a possum that lives in the bushes outside
ilah and pluto are the worst duo in that they will maim creatures and then befriend them
“maybe pluto just makes everyone blind by default?” “maybe that’s why pluto’s so terrible as a rogue but manages to steal from everyone anyway”
bany sighs a lot during this scene it’s great
i admit to my shameless rigging of the game when my players are doing terribly
pluto: decides to befriend the monster / the party: do you want to use up your second friend slot??
“what is the creature doing right now?” “it’s probably bleeding” “but how’s it feeling?” “it’s feeling pretty bad”
ilah: befriends the creature / matt: we’re playing d&d with the fucking rspca
“this is the death arena, not the befriend the creatures that attack you arena” “it’s actually a petting zoo”
“what kind of monster are they fighting?” “it’s called an ettercap. it looks like…… i don’t even know how to describe it”
“that’s the plot of lord of the flies, pluto befriends an ettercap”
tarrik and reeliel, our resident failures, are paired up against a gargoyle
my rolls are always really terrible. it’s the d&d gods punishing me for not using physical dice.
reeliel runs up to tarrik, jumps up on and off his shoulders, and up into the air
she unfortunately misses her attack
reeliel casts thunderwave. tarrik is understandably pissed.
“hey matt, what’s your constitution like?” “not negative” “go ahead and roll then!”
there are a lot of pauses where i stop to do maths. i’m the epitome of that ‘when you’re gay and can’t calculate the tip’ video.
“you two actually did something competent for once!” “the two weakest members of the team!"
“as it turns out, everyone else was just holding us two back. that’s what it is” “are you sure?”
mikael poofs around this time. rip them.
the immediate response to being taken outside the arena is of course “making our way downtown"
bany: this sounds like a public execution / me: carries on explaining the scene
“notice how they ignored the question"
i discovered that i can’t talk and type at the same time
neriona: is there / tarrik: is flipping her off with both hands
“matt matt matt matt matt matthew. shut up”
there is an elf reclining on a chaise lounge eating grapes. tarrik drinks his wine.
“the bulla felix, come in, come in!” “oh fuck”
ilah and galle: sit down normally
tarrik: lies down and hogs an entire seat
reeliel: sits like L
cai: poofs / me: should we just carry on? / matt: i’m liking this shouting idea / bany: oh god
[the game is interrupted by a toddler]
“jax, don’t do that with your eye!”
“greetings, i am the emperor of this fine city, petpetor!” “what? your name is what?” “petpetor!” “petpetu?” “petpetor!”
[toddler noises] “cai, are you murdering a child?” “it sounds more like the child is murdering cai”
matt made a child cry in church one time just by looking at them
“go find auntie billie! take this!” “it’s not safe to go alone, take this!”
[the game is once again interrupted by a toddler]
“if that was me there would be children flying from the rooftop” “and that’s why it isn’t you”
are you stronger than a 2 year old? for cai, the answer is no!
“cai, are you made of noodles or something?” “yes”
god i’m just now listening to this character voice and it’s awful
petpetor asks them to investigate an assassination plot and find his would-be assassin
tarrik tries to wind him up and reeliel throws something at him from across the room
“i am prepared to stab this guy in the back just so you know”
“what’s in it for us?” “freedom from the death arena” “yeah okay we’ll do it”
“i want immunity for the rest of my squad" “if you stop robbing my friends, than yes” “can we rob your enemies?"
“he takes like the bowl of grapes off the table and shoves them in his mouth”
galle: idk who you people are but i’m good with not being trapped in a death arena
tarrik’s metric for liking people: the quality of their wine
the party has a private discussion and decides to investigate and then stab petpetor in the back
“regardless of whether or not neriona is actually the one behind this assassination, i say we frame her"
“do we have anyone who’s alignment is good on this team?"
“i think we will give tarrik free reign to rob the palace as long as we can also rob the palace”
“so far his suspect list is like half of the entire city”
everyone complimenting the write ups and i’m sorry this one is mostly quotes. not much action happened but we did have a lot of fun conversations.
“after the endgame, after we kill not caligula, what’s going to happen?” “don’t you worry about that”
“am i on reasonable terms with the party now?” “you’re getting there with me” “welllll…." “tarrik shut up, we don’t need anymore foes”
“i have 300 buried and 50 in a pair of dark pants on the edge of a road”
