#quanderies

[bumblebeebaa]

Silly of Me

It was silly of me to think that I went through those wars without scars. 

I went home with no disfiguration, but boy, I was part of a revolution. 

I lose most of the time, but being hopeful is not a crime. 

To the battle, we go, and that’s all that they know. 

It never made sense that those voices that creep in my sleep, 

for all of those unexplained fear as if death is near,

for all of those shackling delusions that disturb my vision. 

I am wounded yet unalarmed, diluted unable to bear arms. 

He came into my life with such promise, an old song with the usual premise.

Boy, I am a war veteran, being in pain is not a preference. 

I have served my nation right, the nation that is my heart. 

Humans can’t fly but the wars cut my wings serving the wrong kings. 

This caged bird can’t sing as she was just waiting for the Spring. 

It was silly of me, but the first fire had been shot, the horrors it brought. 

Fight of flight, make that decision it’s a minute to midnight.

going to war as a deputy or leave your country as a refugee? 

Then if love is a battlefield, for this time I yield.

Maybe he is truly devout, but this time just count me out. 

[peoplewhobuytelescopes]

While in LTWR #3

What’s in a name? Well, I’ll tell you Shakespeare, that it is more than just letters. Our name seems to be the label that sums up who we are. Imagine just changing your name out of the blue. Would that not be odd? I feel like I might suffer a personality crisis if I ever changed my name. I have been called by variations of the same name for over a decade. Changing my name would be more than a simple legal process; it would be turning an important facet of my person-hood inside out. With this in mind, it seems like marriage should be a bigger deal than it already is to women. I suppose changing your last name is not quite as dramatic as changing your first name, and once you love someone enough to spend your life with them then you probably want their last name. Taking on your husband’s last name is a sort of connecting act, rather than a shattering of your previously assumed identity. It serves as a bridge between the you you were before marriage and the you you are afterwards. Same person, different initials. Many girls grow up expecting that their last names will change eventually. In a way, some of us implicitly prepare for it our whole lives. Some girls even prepare for this event explicitly, tacking every one of their crushes last names onto the end of their first name and scribbling the name of this pretend person in the backs of their diaries and journals. It seems like marriage is the exception to the rule of name changes producing personality crises.

Here’s a phenomenon that puzzles me: people who go by their middle names. Most of my questions concerning this topic start with why. Why not go by your first name? Why did your parents give you a name that they don’t call you by? How did you come to be called by that name over your first name? Has it always been this way or is there some kind of interesting story about it? No judgment. I’m just curious is all.

[peoplewhobuytelescopes]

I want to be the kind of writer who makes people feel things they never imagined they could feel. These are the writers I love...and despise. I despise them because they have power over me through their words. This is who I wish to be, but somehow, every time I feel something deeply I can't put it into words appropriate to describe the feeling. When I try, I always end up sounding much worse than I originally thought that I would. I want to make people feel more deeply than they have ever felt before, but how can I accomplish this goal if I cannot even put my own emotions into words? The answer is that I can't. Is that emotion-evoking writing a type that you learn or are you born with it? Can you train yourself to write in such a way that you can literally force feelings to flood through and permeate the core of another? I am unsure as to whether this can be accomplished through rigorous training or not. All I know is that right now, I am not much of a writer. Maybe someday I will be able to craft words in such a way that people will read them and be overcome by whichever emotion I was hoping to produce, but for right now, I suppose that I am writing simply to write.