“A decaweek from tomorrow!” Nami hissed as she lounged in the Weaving Room next to the loyal Spydar Rook Henry. “This torch complains to me about losing time to Ayidaas, and yet she would have us wait a decaweek before she faces us? I just want to get this over with already!”
“Mm…yes, Empressness, I agree,” Henry responded absently as he unsuccessfully attempted to simultaneously eat a fly-cracker from each of his six hands. The crackers crumbled on his stout belly as Nami watched with disgust out of the corners of her two right eyes. Her left eyes were focused on her time-kreeper.
(21:33) hii anom
(21:33) ixel wants to know when we’re gunna meet
(21:35) hellooo.
(21:40) OH YEAH! Sorry just saw this! Uh. Idk.
(21:41) When do you wanna do it?
(21:41) nice timing. tbh idc when or if we even do it but ixel just texted me a decaweek from tomorrow works for her
(21:43) i’m down if you are
(21:46) becuz i really dun care
“Ugh, how embarrassing! She always does this to me!” Nami shouted to Henry, who was now intent on using his feet to feed himself even more fly-crackers. “She never responds in a timely manner, and I told Ixel I would ask Anom when we were free. Not that I care when we do it, but now I am leaving this other person without a response, and that is unbecoming of someone of my stature!”
“Yes, naturally, your Highnempressty. You are right; everyone else is wrong,” Henry’s voice carried from under the table from where he was attemtping to locate a fallen fly-cracker.
“You know, Henry, I would truly appreciate it if you would hold your position in a higher regard. I once met a cat who had a lot more important things to say on the matter of war and peace than my own Spydar Rook. Does that not concern you? That a cat does your job better than you?”
“…I did not know we had cats in Arachnica, your majesticalitiness. Mayhaps if you—”
“Shh, Henry, she responded!”
(21:55) Umm…so here’s the thing.
“Great. Here it comes, Henry.”
(21:55) I promised Sir Eatsalot I’d be at his wife’s dinner party
(21:55) and I swear I really don’t want to go
(21:56) but I have to
(21:56) because he’s my chief visor
(21:56) vizer*
(21:56) viper*
(21:57) VIZIER
(21:57) anyway
(21:57) it’s a decaweek from tomorrow so I can’t smash the bar greaf then
(21:58) is that how you spell bar graeaph?
“GAHH! Oceanis have no sense of necessity!”
Henry toppled out of his chair in surprise. “What’s happening? Actually…never mind. Yes, your Travesty! No sense of necessity at all! I am following completely, and you need not fill me in at all! How impudent of them!”
(21:59) okay…so when can you do it then? bar graph* (i think?) is still waiting on an answer
“Honestly, that Queen Conch will be the death of me!” Nami shouted, wrenching a fly-cracker from Henry’s sleeve and, much to his dismay, crunching on it angrily. Nami continued speaking with her mouth full, spraying crumbs with every word, “’Ons’y ah rike da gull bu’ jee duh’n’ sheem ‘o ker.”
“I thought, milady, that you did not even care,” Henry eyed the half-eaten fly-cracker wistfully as he spoke to his Empress. “What does it matter if she, too, cares not?”
“’ekuhsh, ‘enry,” Nami’s outermost eyes rolled in their usual way at the Spydar Rook’s words as she swallowed, “because you cannot have two indifferent people in one room. It simply will not work!”
Henry did not point out the seemingly obvious contradiction about his own indifference and instead turned sadly to the last fly-cracker resting solitarily on his left shoulder.
(21:68) yoo. ixel-dawg. anom finally replied. she can’t do a decaweek from tomorrow. but she can do the day before?
(21:70) Seriously, guys? No. I have a thing that day. How about the day after a decaweek from tomorrow?
“THAT IS IT!” Nami screeched, her pincers champing dangerously. The Weaving Room was empty but for her; Henry had long since left to catch more fly-crackers. “Enough of these infernal messages.” She grabbed her time-kreeper and transported herself to Anom’s kreeper-location.
The hour of the Invasion dawned, and the two ferocious armies, led by the The Mark of the Spydar and the Ancient Conch, met at the border between Oceanistan and Arachnica. At the head of one stood the sparkling Queen Conch Anom, and at the head of the other, the dazzling Arachnid Empress Nami. Both beautiful and terrifying in their own rights, they faced one another, ready to carry on the tradition of centuries. Each leader harbored a deep-seated hatred for the other; it was in their blood to be enemies.
The fighting began just as it always had. Empress Nami commanded her loyal Spydar warriors while Queen Anom used her Baleful Bards to control her Oceani warriors. The melee continued until it seemed there was but one fighting entity; there was no line between Oceani and Spydar. That is, until a there was an eruption from the center of the brawling mass.
Spydar and Oceani fell back together, cowering in one another’s arms. A path was cleared, and in the middle of the great circle stood a fiery-headed warrior wielding a fire-axe. On her right stood an extremely muscular but dim-witted man. She unleashed another terrible display of her power before shouting “I AM THE GREAT AND LEGENDARY IXEL, REUNITER OF LEGEND! I AM HERE TO FULFILL THE UM...LEGEND AND REUNITE OCEANISTAN AND ARACHNICA!” She turned to her muscular friend and added quietly, “Did I say legend too many times? I did, didn’t I?” The dimwitted man nodded slightly then shook his head then nodded again, unsure of the correct answer.
There was a ripple in the crowd as the grey-faced Empress Nami pushed her way to the front, the mark on her forehead gleaming furiously. Her people cheered, waiting for her to decimate this strange yet terrifying new addition to the war. But instead, Nami spoke, “What? Ixel? That name is worthy of ridicule.” She almost laughed.
“Yeah! Ixel? Sounds like a primitive way to compile, analyze, and visualize data.” Heads craned to find the source of the disembodied voice. Queen Anom, too, revealed herself by pushing her way to the circle’s center, standing directly across from her nemesis, Nami.
Nami, despite herself, grinned widely, showing her silver pincers. She spoke, mocking Ixel’s gallant voice, “Hi, my name is Ixel, may I make a legendary bar graph for you?” Nami and Anom both cackled viciously.
“Ha! What, in Ookala’s mercy, is a bar graph?” Anom asked Nami, wiping tears from her eyes.
Nami shrugged. They both burst out laughing once more, embracing one another.
“Enough! I am here to bring an end to the devastation of Ookala, and—” Ixel was interrupted once more by the mirthful giggles of the Arachnid Empress and the Queen Conch.
“And she is waving that fire-axe around like it is going to do anything to us, the two most powerful beings in all of Ookala!”
“I can…I cannot breathe. And her friend! He looks like a giant, stupid oaf. I bet I could outwit him in a game of ‘Where’s the fly-cracker,’ and he would crumble!”
Their snorts and cackles were joined by their respective armies, and as the laughter filled the air, Ixel stood in the center miserably, lamenting her failure. But her muscular companion, Humphrey Dumphry, put a comforting hand on her shoulder and pointed to the two leaders who, to Ixel’s joy, seemed to have begun to properly communicate with one another.
“HA! Queen Anom, haha, can I—ha—can I ask you something?” Nami struggled to stifle her giggles as she spoke to the Queen Conch, her two right eyes closed as tears of mirth streamed down her face.
“Hehehe—Yeah, yeah sure—hehe—anything after the joy you just brought me,” Anom spoke as she rearranged her Conch; her laughter had pushed it precariously to the edge of her head again.
“Are Atlantic Spydars even real?”
“Atlantic who-what? What is this Atlantic hooblah of which you speak?”
“Atlantic Spydars? Underwater-dwelling spydar people? The very reason my ancestor, the great Froyo (may she eternally weave a web of peace), declared war on Oceanistan?”
“……………..”
“…………………………….”
“No? I have never heard of such a thing. What a ridiculous notion. Oceani Spydars? Not in my realm!”
“Then. Why. Are. We. Fighting. This. Wretched. War,” her eyes glinting furiously, Nami was not laughing anymore.
“I…because…I…well, I do not really know…” Anom stroked her shoulder scales pensively.
“Do you really think me to be one of the most powerful beings in all of Ookala?” Nami asked tentatively. Anom turned quickly, facing her, and Nami immediately regretted her question.
“Of course I do! You would not be my arch nemesis if we were not a perfect match!” Anom grinned, showing her glinting rows of teeth. Nami, too, smiled, revealing her own set of dental weaponry.
“YES! YES I DID IT! YOU SEE! I ENDED THE FIGHTING, HUMPHREY, I DID IT!”
The Queen Conch and the Arachnid Empress turned simultaneously, both glaring fiercely at the fire-haired warrior. Ixel, surprised, grabbed her fire-axe and readied herself for another battle. Humphrey, too, clenched his fists and flexed his muscles.
“You know,” came Nami’s bored voice. “I think I am rather tired of fighting Oceanistan. Perhaps we need a change of enmity. What think you, Queen Anom?”
Queen Anom yellow eyes glowed with malice. “Hmm…yes. Think of it, Empress Nami. You and I could combine our powers and flush out this puny fire-legend.”
“Sounds like a…hot idea,” the Time Seeker, Ayidaas appeared out of thin air, chortling at her own joke. She hovered slightly above the ground, spinning playfully. “But methinks you two should wait to fight another day. Why finish off the great Reuniter the same day you met her? No doubt the two of you could do it, but I think it would be a little more fun if we did it later. Yeah?”
Nami’s outermost eyes flitted over to Anom as her center two followed Ayidaas’s sporadic movements in the air. “Ayidaas, I know you are only saying this because you want us to waste more time than necessary, but alas I am lazy and more than willing to postpone. Queen Anom?”
“Sure. I agreed to go to a festival later today, and I have to show up. You understand.”
“Alright, then it’s agreed!” Ayidaas shoutted gleefully. “Fire-head and her ugly friend will have time to buff up, and Anom and Nami can nurture their newfound friendship! Lemme know when the next battle is! By the way, Nami dear, I love the outfit!” And with that, Ayidaas disappeared once more.
“I thought the outfit made my abdomen look enlarged,” Nami said absently to Anom.
Anom chuckled. “Honey, your abdomen always looks enlarged.”
On the same day that Empress Nami and the Spydar Rook Henry met with their war council in the Weaving Room, the Marine Viziers met in the Marine Chamber. In this damp, iridescent blue-green tavern stood wise-looking, scaly tacticians of all different colors, shapes, and sizes. They congregated in small groups around stone tablets upon which were magnificent maps of Ookala. Their leader, a tall, wrinkly, blue-scaled man wearing a small conch upon his head traveled from tablet to tablet with a sour look on his face. He was ferociously sending messages via his time-kreeper while simultaneously trying to control the riffraff in the Chamber. Suddenly, to the Chief Vizier’s rather evident relief, a dazzling blue-haired woman with shimmering turquoise scales burst into the room, the giant glittering golden conch upon her head dangling dangerously, threatening to fall at the slightest disturbance.
She looked around and smiled cheerfully. “My apologies, comrades. I was nearly on my way here, but then I spotted a cat, and we had a really riveting conversation about—,” She stopped at the hostile look from her Chief Vizier, Sir Eatsalot. “Uh. Nothing. Anyway, so continue…as you were. I’m listening.” She walked briskly over to Sir Eatsalot, who did not look amused.
“Queen Anom, the ancient and powerful Conch is about to topple from your head,” he said softly.
“Oh! Thanks Sir Eatsalot. That would not have turned out well…imagine me accidently breaking the thing that gives me all my power, hahaha,” she replied as she repositioned the Conch properly on her head.
“Yes. Imagine that,” Sir Eatsalot still did not look amused. “And your majesty should consider not telling the wise Marine Viziers about her feline fraternizations when there is a war to which we must tend. And perhaps, your highness, you should reply to my kreeper messages every so often.”
Queen Anom narrowed her glowing yellow eyes till they are two vicious slits and bared her three rows of sharp pearly-white teeth; she looked rather menacing, a stark contrast from her usual cheerful face. Anom strongly disliked being spoken to as though she was but an asinine guppy. “Duly noted, Sir Eatsalot, but I think I’ll tell my Viziers whatever I please, thank you.” She stalked off to discuss invasion plans with the Atlantic Tablet at the far end of the room. Sir Eatsalot really did not look amused.
