#queer cousins

[nerdygaymormon]

[butyouvealwaysbeenthecaretaker]

I've decided I want to start embracing and using the term "queer cousins" to refer to mono opposite-sex attracted poly, ace and kinky people (at the very least; maybe others!). The concept comes from autism, because lots of non autistic folk have similar overlapping issues (dyslexia, adhd, ocd etc). There's something nice about the term "cousin". Unlike squabbles over privilege and who is the in group and who is the enemy. The word cousin says "you are part of my family. You're not as close as the people who I share my life with, but you're part of my life and I care about your wellbeing". It welcomes, instead of gatekeeps. There truly isn't anything wrong with saying "you also have stuff going on for you, but it's different from my stuff"; but the way tumblr articulates this is often so aggressive and antagonistic that everyone is hurt.In b4 people start squabbling about they are "really queer not just a cousin", but...i don't think anything can stop people who want to fight from fighting. But I can adopt a framework for my own life which is as generous and welcoming and peacemaking as possible.

[butyouvealwaysbeenthecaretaker]

One interesting fact about bisexuality is that if a women touches a cock she's straight, but if a man does it he's gay forever. & that bi women have more difficulty being taken seriously as queer people - whereas bi men have a lot more difficulty accessing conditional straight privilege. I'm wondering whether there's a similar energy here with poly people split over gender, or whether it only applies to same sex behaviour. I'm thinking this because there's a similar energy around transsexuality/gender non-conformity in which amab people are taken very seriously & punished seriously & seen as profoundly and dangerously queer, queer in the non-reclaimed, hateful sense of the word. Whereas afab people are trivialised, treated like a fashion trend, or a political statement, or ignored, or overlooked, or not seen as threatening in quite the same way (which is good; but a symptom of it not being taken seriously. Hence I think the extent to which butches report very serious violence & discrimination - they're the closest afab people get to communicating "definitely a woman, and definitely queer in a way you cannot ignore or minimise"). I'd expect a similar mapping onto poly people, with men's behaviour being taken more seriously/meaningful and women's being seen as shallow/trivial but idk; I've never been "sufficiently" poly for poly politics to feel salient to my life, if that makes sense.

[small-dark-and-delicious]

They are all related. I will not be explaining further.