you said you prefer platonic love over romantic, so you do believe it’s possible to be in love with someone platonically because i think i am? i don’t really know- it’s definitely not romantic because i don’t think about kissing them etc or anything like that- or feel “butterflies” towards them but when i talk to them i feel like the happiest person ever, i always want to be talking to them and always can’t wait for the next time we speak, like idk how to describe it but just talking to them because my heart so full and i do love them very much, i feel a lot of love towards to them it almost hurts sometimes because of how much i do, idk what the point of this was but yeah i’m #confused
Before anything else, thank you for coming to me with this anon. I feel qualified to respond because this subject is something I tackle a lot on here and it's something I spend a lot of the time writing about (also, Jo and Laurie from Little Women is my favourite fictional dynamic ever and I have a hard time explaining how I do not ship them whenever the topic comes up so yeah :/). My storybook is essentially about this: the power of love, but more than anything else, the power of platonic love. I'm going to be using a lot of quotes from there while creating this post because I feel like it could help you, if not understand what you are feeling, then at least help you be at peace with being confused. You absolutely don't have to label your emotions and try to put them in some kind of boxes. Trust me, I had a lot of trouble with that myself and ended up being content with not knowing how to name whatever feelings I had until the answer revealed itself to me. Labels can be helpful, but only if you feel comfortable with them. It's very human, that need to attach explanations and names to objects and sensations. Human, but not necessary or obligatory. Anyhow, back to platonic love. I'd like to mention a quote by the amazing Alice Oseman, taken from her book "Radio Silence" (you should definitely add that to your reading list if none of my ramblings help because it has a couple of platonic soulmates at its centre and it's brilliant, in every sense of the word): "I'm platonically in love with you." See? Same words that you used, so yes: if you are experiencing it, it's possible. Somebody must have felt it. You can love someone without wanting to kiss them or whatever it is that romance is supposed to mean because I don't understand a thing about it. All I know is that, and I have said it before, people should feel free to state their love to one another without the romantic implications. I agree that it's hard. The world functions in a way that says: marriage is the core of everything, everything revolves around marriage, finding your partner is the primary life goal, you're worthless if you're not dating anyone, if you say you're happy being alone you're a desperate liar. No wonder people, consciously or unconsciously, feel that pressure and expect their first strong emotions to be romantic. I agree that it's hard, changing the way the world functions. Well, that's not what you should think about changing. When I write, I think about individual minds exploring my work and if one person ends up thinking about what I have written, I count that as a win. So anon, work on your own perspective, share your opinions or the process of your thinking and somebody will find themselves inspired by your words. Write "friendship=love not lesser than love" on the back of your notebook and somebody will see it.
Another aspect of your ask that intrigued me is just how much it reminds me of my own characters, from the storybook that I mentioned at the beginning. It's called "scrapbooks of flowers" and I'm going to share some passages from it. I really want you to know that your feelings are valid. You might find these more convincing that what I've written above. I will link the specific chapter with the text:
"You're in love with that boy."
It's a statement, a clear decleration said with such certainty and Dorothy should claim it as valid. But, before anything else, she never thought of Rev as a boy. He was always a person for her. Her person. And she should accept this explanation Celestine is providing her with and say: "Yes, I am", put on a soft smile and play with the buttons of her shirt. That's what a girl in a movie does. And just like that, everything would have been resolved.
"I don't think that's true enough. "
"Dorothy has somehow managed to get away from him. She's so far into the field, the sun complimenting her, embracing her features as if it was always meant to hold her. Her and no one else. It makes him question his sanity, which he, for the record, does a lot of anyways, no matter the circumstance. Today's dilemma consists of wondering if he was running in the first place. Dorothy positions herself on the grass, her back the sole part of her that he can actually see. A strange fear blossoms inside of him, spreading its petals, tickling his sides. Teasing him. What if she doesn't look back?
But she does look back and then, he's already close enough to touch her. He doesn't. He takes a few steps forward and she lies down completely on the grass in return, staring at him from her flowery kingdom. He stays where he is, smiling from the above, not quite certain if he should put his hands in his pockets or not. There are moments like these, when he feels entirely disconnected from his body, when he wishes to observe and observe only, without the burden of existing and following people, endless parts of himself, around.
"Pass some of that magic to me, will you?"
He hears it as a joke, but it rings in his ears like an echo. Probably because he should pronounce it back."
"She can't put whatever she feels for Rev in a box. She can't frame his picture in a locket and call it true love. That's why she mumbled that question last night, despite clearly knowing she won't get an answer from Celestine or anybody else. But she needed to say it out loud. If Rev was here, she would have told him. And more importantly, he would have understood."
"He smiles with that smile that died decades ago and she knows. He understands. The blurry lines, the lack of labels, the string that's connecting them. All of it.
She loves him. For whatever it means, in whatever way, in whatever reality.
And that's all that can be said about it."
"The town thinks that Revelius and Dorothy, her brother's person, are dating. Nova understands where they are coming from. For instance, Revelius and Dorothy hug in public places. They embrace one another so tightly that Nova wonders how they still recognize air. She asks her older brother about the rumours and all he says in return is: "love never repeats itself". She isn't sure what exactly does he mean by it, but the line never leaves her head."
"Now this, this is what's always been fascinating to him. People are quick to put you in a basket and call you a cold hearted scientist if you like numbers and chemicals or call you an artist if you enjoy theatre or literature or paintings. In actuality, those things don't have to cancel each other out. The concept confuses him, but he's sure of its validity because Dorothy never needs precise words or clarifications despite her being good at and genuinely enjoying science (he too enjoys science, but he's no good at it which ultimately led him to buying an entire set of books about people involved in science that he continuously gives up on reading). He's different. Rev knows blurry lines like the back of his hand. That doesn't mean he likes them."
That's about it. Platonic love is practically all I talk about and a lot of my short stories can be read as both romantic and platonic, but I chose these quotes because I think they compliment what you are feeling very well. Feel comfortable to send in another anon ask and tell me if any of this helped. For the end, here's that famous Leo Tolstoy quote because I'm a nerd who sleeps with her Anna Karenina copy beside her bed:
"I think... if it is true that
there are as many minds as there
are heads, then there are as many
kinds of love as there are hearts."
